Sometimes the Strongest Thing We Can Do...

Many of us struggle to ask for help. We see it as weak.

We feel like if we can’t do it on our own, we are deficient and something is wrong with us.

The truth is, admitting we can’t do it alone makes us strong.

We weren’t meant to go through this life alone, but unfortunately over the years community has fallen by the wayside and we trudge these empty streets by ourselves seeking companionship and for another to see us struggling. Most of us are stuck in our own struggles and we aren’t saying anything either.

The key is talking about our common perils. Reaching out to another and when asked how we are, not answering with fine. We are not fine and we haven’t been in a long time.

We are surviving, yes. We are alive, yes. But are we living? Are we fully living?

I question this in myself sometimes. Yes, I vacuumed on Tuesday and Thursday. I got up and went to work and got my kid fed. I fell asleep and got up again and remembered to get my pet some food. I worked off of my grocery list and paid a bill, but am I fully living?

I don’t remember much of last week or last year to be honest. I’ve been in a daze. I’ve been surviving. I’ve been checking things off my to-do list. Self-care? Sure, I took a bath, got a haircut, bought a dress. I have nowhere to wear it to, but I bought it.

I send out prayers for joy and abundance. I fall under the idea that miracles do happen and If I just had a little more of this and more of that I could be happy and fulfilled.

Yes, I am content. I find peace and serenity at times, but happy, joyous, and free are feelings left to be desired.

I think the problem is I walk through this world alone. I have people, but I don’t fully let them in. I still have guard rails around my heart and my psyche has been wounded. I protect my inner workings and hold myself tight.

I have forgotten how to celebrate. I have forgotten how to just be grateful that I am alive and breathing.

I have been taken down by loss and fear it coming around every bend.

How do we come to terms with the losses in our lives?

They seem to be inevitable, yet they are so painful. Do they make us stronger, more empathetic? Is this just part of life? Daily we lose people we love, pets, jobs, income, marriages, relationships. It hurts and with each loss, it seems our skin gets thicker.

How do we continue to stay open and loving when we are hanging on for dear life in survival mode?

These are questions I battle with daily. It can be hard to feel like we are on our own private island and no one understands where we have been. We literally do walk this road alone as truly it is impossible for others to feel our specific pain, but we hope that we can find our people. Those who have also been through the trenches and can at least relate and share their own stories of overcoming adversity so we can feel more connected.

Some of us would say we know we suffer from depression and anxiety. We know we have issues that perhaps a therapist could help with. I feel like all of these avenues are important so that we can feel like we are trying our best to live fully, but sometimes we are also so tired. So tired of trying different medications and therapists. So tired of the run-around. So tired of feeling these same feelings in our brains and bodies day after day, month after month.

Our people may get tired too. They may be wondering why we can’t just pull it together and be grateful for what we do have. Can’t we find joy in the little things? Exercise more? Change our diet? Get a hold of our invisible illness? Turn our frowns upside down?

We think we will be seen as weak for taking a drug to feel normal. Thankfully, the stigma around this is lessening and 37 million Americans partake in them, 1 in 10 people.

But, I still want to ask why? What is missing from our lives or brain chemistry that we can’t just feel “normal”? Trust me, I have tried it all and have successfully been off meds and on meds at certain times in my life. I do find I feel guilty if I am not exercising enough or eating perfectly well-rounded meals and can beat myself up.

Mental health can be tricky. We sometimes know what we should do but with depression, we don’t really care. We are stuck in the muck and being buried alive. Getting our gym clothes on and braving the elements and other humans seems daunting.

I know I struggle more in the winter. It’s cold and gets dark early and my healthy habits suffer. I want to hibernate and eat more comfort foods, but there has got to be something to be said for that too. It’s part of the cycle of life, right? In the winter we are forced inward. We can read more books and make time for more indoor activities. Just right now it seems hum-drum. Day after day doing the same old thing.

Today is just one day. I can choose to be a keyboard warrior and write. I can reach out. I can brave the temps and take a walk. I can take myself to a coffee shop or window shop. I can make an effort to get out of my funk or I can rest and take it easy on myself. The choice is mine. Today I choose not to drown my sorrows because I know that is never the solution. I luckily have found a way out from under those types of addictions, but still, battle with other demons of my mind.

It is easy to think that no one struggles the way we do or that others have it so much better. I am trying to change those thoughts. I am trying to not single myself out so much and believe that we all have our own personal struggles. It is not my job to compare mine to others. I just get to do the best I can with what I have been given.

On a day like today, how can I best care for those parts of me that feel less than enough? How can I nurture that inner part of me that felt neglected and unloved? How can I learn to heal those pieces of me that struggled to fit in societal norms?

As hard as it is, can I reach out and talk to someone about my thoughts and insecurities? My feelings of inadequacy? I no longer want to eat, drink, or shop it away as I know those fixes are temporary and dig me deeper into my misery.

Finding healthy tools to walk through pain and loss is imperative. Maybe it’s checking in with a support group or friend who has been where I am. Maybe it’s reaching out to a stranger that inspires me.

Currently, I feel bad because I have piles of books I purchased during this pandemic that I haven’t fully read. Maybe it’s time to get rid of them so they are not looming over me. I have read many other books but those ones are all half-read, and that’s okay.

We don’t need to beat ourselves up anymore. We are doing the best we can. Let’s show ourselves the same compassion we would show a friend or family member in pain.

Lately, I have read affirmations on an app from my phone. Last year I tried tapping. I have reached out to a doctor and a therapist. I have focused on being transparent and honest with others. I have been working on being less of a secret and having more accountability in my marriage. The more we grow it seems the more weeds we find hiding in the underbrush not wanting to be removed. We can tend to these with loving care and nurture them out of our lives. We don’t need to be abrupt. These weeds may be survival techniques we have used to keep us safe. They are there for a reason, but now they are keeping us stuck. We can thank them and let them know it’s okay for them to carry on now.

Healing is not an easy road, but it is one we can not walk alone.

I too am looking for community and my people to do this work with. Many are not quite present enough to step onto this battlefield. Many are still too comfortable in their habits and comforts and that’s okay too.

We can lead the way for others when they are ready.

Right now I am loving the Holistic Psychologist and Matthias Barker on Instagram for therapy modalities that hit home, but there are many more inspiring people who are doing the work. I also love Glennon Doyle and Brene Brown.

Reach out anytime, as I love hearing from others walking this path.

Many blessings to you as you work to heal and find a life worth living.