Removing the poison from your life

Personal development is a life-long commitment. We all strive to be happier, healthier, and more positive. Our journeys may hit potholes and detours along the way, but we all have the same goal in mind: being the best version of ourselves.

Close your eyes and think about the three things you want most in the world. What are you doing right now to make these things a reality? The more you focus on your personal development, the better you will feel about yourself and your life.

Getting your life together won’t happen overnight, but you should see improvement by removing the poison from your life within a month. Stop letting things hold you back from becoming the person you desire to be. Here are eight types of poison, why you should get rid of them, and what you should focus on instead.

Poison #1 Complaining When we complain, our body releases the stress hormone cortisol, which puts us into fight or flight mode. It raises your blood pressure and blood sugar while impairing your immune system. Over time, this makes us more susceptible to strokes. Complaining can feel good and even be a social activity. While it’s healthy to let out negative emotions, complaining does more damage than good. In the end, you will feel more stressed, negative, and worn down. It does no favors to your anxiety, depression, and relationships. It’s poison because it doesn’t achieve anything or improve your current situation. At my previous job, I was the queen of complaining. I’m surprised my coworkers didn’t book it when they saw me coming with my grievance face.

Antidote: The first step I took to remove this poison from my life was gratitude. Every morning, I jot down three things I’m grateful for, big or small, in my journal. Try Focusing on the big picture; why complain about something that won’t matter a year from now? Journaling out your complaint can help, too; it enables you to find the real issues behind your button-pushing. If your complaint requires you to speak to someone, think about the best way to word it and how you can come across as helpful instead of critical.

Poison #2 Gossip I cringe at how easily I dived into gossip’s toxicity during my teenage years. Through the years, I’ve learned firsthand the damage gossip does to our self-esteem, our friendships, and our energy. For years, I viewed it as a social skill, and once I cut it out, I noticed how my friendships changed. Who enjoys being friends with someone who is always talking about others behind their backs? Why would you want to ruin someone’s reputation or get someone in trouble? I prefer being the friend people come to because they trust, not because they are craving information on others. During my school years, I passed on rumors and half-truths, and karma came to visit me as an adult. Now, I have firsthand knowledge of how damaging gossip can be. Imagine being pulled into your manager’s office to talk about a rumor that doesn’t have a grain of truth in it and could get someone fired depending on your answer. It felt like someone dunked me into the icy waters of the Arctic. Gossip damages, plain and simple.

Antidote I don’t want to be gossiped about, and I know how it hurts, so I try to focus on that before I open my mouth to share something. Gossip is a poison that spreads quickly in our world of rapid fast communication. Before you open your mouth, think about what you are gaining and why you feel the need to share this information. If you are around someone gossiping, I’ve learned that changing the subject is vital. Sometimes that doesn’t work, and I’ve learned that you can defend the person or chime in with you don’t like to judge people. Be forewarned, shutting down gossip can sour your friendships or make you a gossip piece to share, but in the end, you realize they were not your true friends. However, their reactions speak more volumes about themselves than they do about you. If people can’t avoid gossip or drama, why do you want them in your life?

Poison #3 Envy You can’t cut this poison out of your life completely, but you can limit its intake. It’s natural to feel either jealous or envious of others from time to time. It’s a normal human emotion, even if it’s an ugly one. It would be best to focus on not letting it spiral out of control. Jealousy feeds off our insecurities and unhappiness, leading us to have negative conversations with ourselves. If you allow envy to rule your life, it will lead to obsessive thoughts and blind you to the good in your life. Once you allow envy in the driver's seat, you will be heading down anxiety avenue. Like complaining, it triggers your fight or flight response. I’ve been envious of others’ homes, beauty, confidence, and how beautifully organized their lives are. I’ve let envy make me sick and worsen my anxiety. Your self-esteem is a gift; don’t let envy poison it.

Antidote The best way to remove this poison I have found is by distracting yourself. Pick up a book, look up a funny video on Youtube or start cleaning. Lose yourself in the comfort of a familiar task or hobby. Change the course of your thoughts and focus on something that brings you warm fuzzy feelings. If neither of these work, try speaking with someone you trust. Identify why you are jealous and brainstorm ideas to overcome it. You don’t need to make chunky goals like losing 100lbs. Starting with cutting out a soda a day, you would be amazed at how baby steps make your dream a reality. If you can’t cut this poison out of your life, it may be time to seek therapy.

Poison #4 Comparing There is a reason for the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and it’s that it’s true. Comparing myself to others has done nothing but poison the beauty of my life. Perfection is impossible, and when we see snapshots of others’ lives, we are not privy to behind-scenes. Everyone posts about their best days on Social Media and keep their worst days to themselves. I once compared myself to a mom friend who seemed always to have everything together. Imagine my surprise when she divorced and willingly handed her ex-husband primary custody and accepted visitation. I fell for the illusion of the persona she presented to the world. We are all on our journey, with our talents and life advantages, and trying to compare ourselves to others poisons us and wrecks our emotional health.

Antidote The first step is figuring out what your triggers are. They could be social media, looking at expensive houses on Zillow, or conversations with someone who likes to brag. Avoid them if you can, or focus on how you view them. Don’t let this poison change how you feel or waste your time. Remind yourself that you don’t know what happens behind closed doors or how that person feels inside. Not to push gratitude again, but gratitude does help you focus on what’s good in your life. Think about why you compare yourself to them and use that to motivate yourself to become a better version. There will always be someone you think is more prosperous, more intelligent, or more attractive, so accept and embrace who you are. Invest in yourself, not wasting time focused on how others live their lives.

Poison #5 Consuming Fast food is convenient to grab on your way home from work after a tiring day. We tell ourselves to have that second glass of wine because we had a tough day. Instead of getting water from the fridge, we pick up that sugary drink that we know doesn’t benefit us to enjoy the taste. I’m a soda addict. When I’m stressed or having a bad day, I crave them until my mouth waters. I had no clue that caffeine could trigger and worsen my anxiety for years. A study in China found that daily soda drinkers were more likely to have anxiety and depression. Diet soda increases your risk for dementia. Caffeine consumption can have you tossing and turning all night long. Fast food fluctuates your blood sugar, increasing your chances of panic attacks and insomnia. Researchers at Penn State found that eating fast food or unhealthy meals can make you feel worst. Comfort food it is not. Alcohol also worsens your anxiety, depression, and stress.

Antidote Every article tells you to do fast food, soda, and alcohol in moderation, and the facts show that moderation is vital. It’s easier said than done, but it’s critical to mental and physical health. If you drink multiple sodas a day, try cutting out one. I’ve swapped my afternoon soda for tea. Meal prepping, slow cookers, and multicookers can help decrease your need to rely on fast food. We eat out a lot less since getting an Instant Pot for Christmas. Try a comfort movie instead of pouring a glass of wine. You don’t need to drop these things overnight; slowly cut back and notice how better you feel.

Poison #6 Doubt Self-doubt is a normal and healthy experience. From time to time, we find ourselves in new situations or challenging experiences, and we doubt our abilities. We wonder if we are good enough or question a decision we made. When you can’t control your self-doubt, you veer into unhealthy territory. Once self-doubt takes control, you get stuck in a cycle of missing opportunities and not being able to see the good in yourself. It damages your road to self-improvement by killing your confidence and weakening your self-esteem. Chronic self-doubt leads to depression, anxiety, procrastination, lack of motivation, and low self-esteem. If you are constantly questioning yourself, how can you make decisions?

Antidote Learning to trust me and let go of self-doubt was not an easy road. I wasted my precious time convinced I couldn’t do things I was capable of doing. I found that focusing on what you’ve accomplished and reminding yourself of what you are capable of helps greatly. Shift your thinking from negative to positive; nothing beautiful grows in a negative mind. Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes or hit failures; they are part of growing and learning. Spend time with supportive people who uplift you. When self-doubt sinks its claws in, journal out your feelings or experiences that lead you to this moment. If you find none of these are working, professional help is an option.

Poison #7 Fear Fear is an emotion triggered by a threat or perceived threat. It’s a survival mechanism that triggers our fight or flight mode. When we feel fear, our body releases hormones that shut down our non-essential systems and sharpen what we need to survive, such as pumping blood to our muscles so we can run. Once overwhelmed with fear, you will start to avoid situations and hold yourself back from things you want and need to do. Chronic fear impacts your life in many ways. Fear weakens your immune system and makes you more likely to have cardiovascular and digestive problems. It can accelerate aging and play a factor in premature death. Fear causes damage to your brain and prevents it from forming long-term memories. It also interrupts processes in the brain that regulate our emotions, stops us from thinking before doing, and impairs us from reading non-verbal cues. It negatively impacts thinking and decision-making, leading us to be impulsive or susceptible to intense emotions. Long-term fear causes fatigue, depression, and in extreme cases, PTSD.

Antidote I lived with fear as my constant companion for years until one day, I began facing my fears and learned that’s the best way to overcome them. Other suggestions include creating an anxiety log of what made you afraid and when. From your record, you can learn what makes you scared or anxious. With this knowledge, you can help you overcome it. Focus on your breathing and practice mindfulness. Healthy habits create a healthy mind. Some to focus on include: exercise, relaxation, healthy eating, and avoiding alcohol. If none of these tips help, schedule an appointment with a therapist.

Poison #8 Hate Hate is a strong emotion and most certainly the biggest poison on my list. Hate is poison to your soul and pollution to your spirit. It’s damaging and mind-consuming. When we feel it towards other people, it becomes destructive. Equally as harmful is self-hatred. Hate stimulates the part of the brain responsible for planning and executing motion, making us act aggressively, which triggers our fight or flight response. That response floods your body with hormones that increase your risks of weight gain, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and chronic illnesses. In turn, we start to compulsively fixate on the target of our hate, which increases paranoia, anxiety, and obsessive thinking. When you hold hate, it’s your mental well-being falling apart, not the person you hate. Underneath your hate is your fear and insecurities, the parts of yourself you are unwilling to face.

Antidote If you think I’m going to tell you to love everyone, you’re out of your mind; nothing good comes from giving love away easily. You need to refocus your mind, change your thinking, and, if possible, avoid the person that you hate or at least limit interaction with them. Find your triggers and try to understand why you are feeling hate. Explore moments when you are having hate-filled thoughts. Explore what you’re afraid of, what makes you insecure, or why you mistrust someone. Talk to someone you trust, journal, meditate, take a walk, spend time in nature, take a break or practice breathing exercises. Find something that cures what’s hurting you. Don’t let hate live rent-free inside of your heart. It’s poisoning only you.

In conclusion, everything is on this list is normal and doesn’t have to poison your mind. These everyday habits become poison when you can’t control the destructive effects. Life is too short to live in misery; figure out the roots of what keeps you from developing into the person you want to be. Grasp it and root it out with an antidote, don’t let your shadows rule your life. Never forget that you are the star of your story. I wish you the best of luck on your journey to self-improvement.

This article orginially appeared on Medium in the Mindful Mental Health publication. The link to my Medium profile is in my bio. Thank you for reading!