Quarantine

This may be more of a journal more than anything else.

To start this off, the lockdown has not been easy; not going to lie in the beginning I thought I would be okay since I never went anywhere post shut down. But I was wrong.

Like most people, I'm reaching my limit. I got to the point where I actually miss going to school. This is something I never thought I would ever say or even type. Oddly enough it gave some kind of structure to my life if that makes any sense.

Now it's all out of wack, to say the least. My sleep schedule is beyond messed up. For example the days I didn't have class would I stay up until 4 am and not wake up until 2 pm. I did fix it for a few days then it was back to staying up until 4 am and waking up at 2 pm again.

And since that is out of wack that also means I end up either not eating enough or eating too much. Which is just wonderful for my self-image. Honestly, I just know I need better self-control but I never thought it would be this hard.

But as of now during winter break I go to sleep at 2 am then wake up around 11:30 am; I don't stay awake all day I do end up taking a nap. Which makes me feel as if I wasted my whole day. I understand it is winter break but sadly that is how my brain works.

I don’t even have any kind of drive to draw or paint which is something I would always try to do at the beginning to keep myself busy. Now I just can’t even sketch anything. I do try though.

But I mainly just lay in my bed and watch tv or youtube videos.

Honestly, it wouldn't be so bad if I could just hang out with my friends. We always make each other laugh and drive each other crazy, it’s wonderful.

Along with my boyfriend who is sadly in another state; we’ve been together for 4 years now. We usually see each other over winter break because of school. But now that isn’t going to happen at least not this year. Maybe later on if things get better. That’s a big ‘if’ though.

Because some people are just so stupid. For example, a lot of people are getting sick but yet refuse to stay home to get better. Either because they feel better or think they’re better. Like seriously it not that hard; just stay home so no one else gets sick.

Because if I can sacrifice time with my boyfriend and friends you can sacrifice going to Walmart to buy clothes.

I hate it. I just want to spend tie with my friends.

I get there are texting and video calls; it does help for the time being. We get to laugh and talk but I miss being around them and being able to hug them. It’s not enough sometimes.

I never thought I would miss so many things. This I thought I never I would lose.

Never thought I would hate staying at home this much. Or even being in my bed this much. I remember not wanting to leave my bed.

Now I’m begging to find a way out of it.

Now I might actually start depending on weed and alcohol to feel better.

I won’t but I can’t deny it is tempting.

I'm trying to be positive; it's hard.

I’m not the only one though so that makes me feel better I guess.