Please. Don't Shout!

Everyone gets angry once in a while. Emotions are what makes us human and they are important for our mental health. They have to come out one way or another.

But… There is a big difference between shouting at somebody and talking through that emotion afterwards, compared to somebody who shouts every single day. 

Do you ever feel frustrated and angry with your kids, or other people? 

Or maybe someone at work who is in a higher position than you, thinks it’s okay to belittle your work every day? 

Maybe a family member shouts at you?

Yeah, I get it because I’ve felt angry with my kids, and I’ve also experienced emotional abuse at work and from my family. 

I’m a trauma survivor of child abuse and sex-murders. I’ve witnessed things that nobody should ever have to see. Of course, I’ve been shouted at. It’s not a good feeling, and when it happens all the time, it’s called emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse often goes with another type of abuse like sexual or physical abuse. However, it can often be the only form of abuse that happens within a family.

A father can be overly protective of his kids to the point of always belittling them. 

A mother can be overly critical of her daughters physical appearance.

Parents can be trying to create who they wanted to be growing up and shout when their kids want their own choices in life.

Emotional Abuse can be just as bad as physical trauma. Unlike physical bruises, emotional abuse stays in the mind way after a bruise has healed. The emotional trauma from being repeatedly shouted at can stay for years and make the individual change their character because of it.

The Cost of Emotional Abuse

Persistent Emotional abuse leaves a lingering invisible mark on the soul.

It can cause a young adult survivor to be withdrawn from society.

To be unable to trust people.

To become mute.

To have no self confidence.

And much worse, having low self-esteem and not able to trust themself.

It can make somebody into a people pleaser at the detriment of their own health.

A survivor can also become hyper aware of others and overly sensitive.

A survivor can have the drive to succeed and perform at the detriment of all others, especially themself. But no, not all workaholics are emotional abuse survivors!

I don’t think we’d be human if we never felt angry. It’s what we do with that emotion that makes us who we are. What our characters are truly made of.

Do you shout when you get angry? 

Do you see how people cower when you raise your voice? 

Do you see the hurt in their eyes?

What happens after? 

I admit that I can shout, but it’s not something I often do, and I always apologize afterwards. I don’t shout because I’ve been on the other side of the shouting as a child and as an adult. 

I know my kids don’t deserve it, no matter how angry they make me.

Nobody deserves being shouted at. Unless someone is in danger, there is no reason to belittle someone with harsh words. There are so many other ways to get your anger out without hurting others.

Count to ten.

Breathe deeply.

Turn away and walk it off.

Tell them that you’re mad and need a minute.

Heck, go for a workout and get that heart pumping to release the tension.

Always talk through your emotions with the person afterwards. 

Be the standard that you live by.

I see people in the food market shout at their kids or loved ones. People curse at one another in public, and it sounds awful. It makes me wonder what happens when they are behind closed doors, where nobody is watching or listening.

What happens then? When do we intervene?

When I was in Disneyland last week, I saw so much happiness and laughter. But, I also experienced frustrated parents with tired kids at the end of the day. Kids who needed time away from the Disney overload to process the magic in the quiet. 

Some parents handled their kids with love and hugs. A few parents did not and I wanted to shake ’em. I wanted to tell them that they could handle their kids in a much better way than shouting at them for being tired.

Sometimes it’s better to walk away than say something you might regret. Keep those awful words in your head, and use a less inflammatory language. 

I tell my kids that shouting in anger leads to misery and heartbreak when you bring someone down with unkind words, and that cursing has no business in a conversation. 

Listening and communicating feelings is the best way to explain complex feelings. 

Please. Don’t shout at your loved ones. 

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

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For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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