On the path (8/16/21)

I'm sitting in my office and taking a brain break before my next meeting. I keep thinking about my recent discovery in reiki and where my life has gone since I made the decision to accept the light.

I grew up with a connection that I didn't know I had. I saw auras...but I didn't know other people didn't. I could receive messages. I would talk to myself, not knowing that an energy was attempting to tell me something. People would make fun of me for having full blown conversations with myself. My own parents would laugh at me or get angry at me for talking to myself. I eventually thought I was crazy. I didn't know what I was dealing with. I was embarrassed by my own gift.

I kept trying to tune it out. Sadly, I did at one point. My parents were going through a horrible divorce. They leaned on me for far too much and told me things about their relationship that I rightfully needed to know, but never should have known. My childhood wasn't what I thought it was, and many ideals my parents had taught me I began to question as they were not ideals that they lived by.

As they progressed through their divorce, I took on more than I should have. Looking back on it now, I realize that I'm an empath. I now know how to refuse the low energies that come from other people's trauma while helping them heal spiritually, mentally, and physically. I didn't have this ability then, and it wore me down. I attempted suicide.

Through all the trials I had been through, no one had told me that it is okay to love yourself. It's not selfish to put your needs first. It's not selfish to put your physical, spiritual, and mental health first. I was taught to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I interpreted that as everyone else's needs come before yours, and that you should care for others before yourself.

Don't do this.

Take care of yourself. Heal yourself spiritually, mentally, and physically. When you take care of yourself, you are then able to take care of others. This is a universal truth. If you ignore your physical health, you eventually will not be able to physically care for others. If you ignore your mental health, you eventually will not be able to process other people's actions in order to care for those people. If you ignore your spiritual health, you'll eventually close yourself off from the world.

There I was...struggling to know why I failed as a dutiful son, wondering why I failed in helping my parents reconcile, and not a thought crossed my mind that none of it was my doing at all. I became so consumed by it all, that my release was to try and end my life. It took years to recover. I now realize that had I simply focused on me, I could have lessened the amount of low energy being perpetuated at that time.

There is a lesson in it all though...sometimes it takes years to discover the true meaning.

The intent of this journal is to serve my highest good. In sharing my experience with you, I intend to share the light that guides me and continues to heal me. My intention is to share my experiences in healing myself spiritually, mentally, and physically to help heal myself. In so doing, I can help others as well. I pray this journal and its succeeding editions guide you to a healing path of your own. With love and gratitude, thank you for reading. I look forward to the next time we meet.