Neglectful birth

The day started like any other day. I was 9 months pregnant, My due date was October 7th, 2019. I was super stoked, for this was a new relationship, a new beginning which I hoped would bring our blended family and my new partner closer together. I woke up the morning of October 3rd and tried to get ready for the day since I had a doctor's appointment at 8:00 a.m. and two other children to drop off.

My 15-year-old daughter Payton, and my 8-year-old daughter Ambra. While I was taking a shower my mucus plug came out, both my girls were in the bathroom with me getting ready for school. I looked at the girls and said, “well I think that today is the day that we're going to have a baby, are your girls ready?” Both of the girls were so excited Payton said she would not go to the school that day for she wanted to be there with me when I gave birth, so Payton and I left to go drop Ambra off at school and let my family know that they needed to pick her up because I was going to the hospital.

When I was pregnant with Amber my mucus plug came out in the morning as well and she was born by 2:00 p.m. she was born. Therefore, with my third, Lilith, when I saw my mucus plug come out, I knew it was a matter of time before this baby would be born. Payton and I left for the hospital, which was Kaiser Permanente Fontana, California. I was not having too many pains, which happened with my other births as well so I figured being admitted would be the best objective. I went to labor and delivery with my daughter, immediately they told me that my daughter could not come in with me, so she sat out in the waiting room.

A dark-haired young lady possibly in her twenties at the desk where I went to check-in, looked at me, and said “oh you are probably just having Braxton Hicks” without knowing any information about me. Then one of the nurses, a truly kind lady with blonde hair nurse, hooked me up to monitors checked my cervix. I was only dilated to a three and because my contractions were not yet regular that I needed to go home until I was either leaking liquid, having contractions every 5 minutes apart, or severely uncomfortable with pain. The blonde-haired nurse was super kind to me we got to chatting about how she had two twins and how each labor and delivery is different. She explained to me that they would probably be sending me home until one of the three circumstances were to arise because they had extraordinarily little rooms available at Kaiser Fontana to accommodate me.

I said that's fine, she also said that she wanted me to feel comfortable, and being home until my water broke or I was leaking fluids or my contractions were to happen would probably be the best place for me to be. I had a doctor's appointment that morning at 8:00 a.m. a midwife came in before I left and said that I didn't have to go to my 8:00 a.m. appointment because they were dismissing me from labor and delivery and they would send the notes to my doctor. I insisted on going and seeing my doctor for my mucus plug came out and I was getting a little worried.

I went to go to my regular doctor's appointment she mentioned that she saw I was already at labor and delivery earlier that morning and I told her I just wanted to check to make sure everything was okay. so, she checked the heart rate made sure that the baby's heart rate was in good standing then she asked me if I wanted my cervix strip. I suggested that since my mucus plug already fell out that we probably should strip my cervix so I can dilate quicker. Therefore, the doctor stretched my cervix, and I went home with my daughter Payton. Payton and I spent the day getting everything together for the new arrival of Little Miss Lilith. My contractions throughout the day started coming stronger and stronger. It was hard for me to tell because with my first two pregnancies I was under an epidural, so I never felt a real contraction.

By the time my partner Frankie came home, we called his son to come from Winchester to encounter the birth of his new sister. I was in a lot of pain at this point and tried to lay down it was about 6:00 p.m. October 3rd, I looked at Frankie and said I can't do this anymore either something is very wrong or these are contractions but I'm in a lot of pain and I'm uncomfortable and I want to be at the hospital. he said okay is it too bad to where you need me to drive you? Since my pains throughout the day would come and go and weren't so bad, I told him no I can drive myself. Payton and I got in the car dropped Amber off at my mom's house and each time I had a pain I told Payton to time it and keep a note of how close the pains are. By the time I dropped off my daughter Amber with my mom I was in so much pain, I could hardly drive My contractions were 10 minutes apart lasting 2 minutes long.

Payton and I drove to Kaiser Fontana with every inch that I drove my contractions got stronger and closer together. by the time I reached the hospital I was in so much pain My contractions now lasting 2 minutes and 5 minutes apart, I was afraid I was going to go into labor any moment and the baby was going to come outside of the hospital. Payton and I went up to labor and delivery I again rang the bell to be admitted. I go to the same front desk, the same kind blonde nurse was there and she said you're back with a smile on her face and I said yes I'm in a lot of pain I think I'm having contractions they're lasting 2 minutes and they're 5 minutes apart.

Then another nurse with short blonde hair in a kind of pixie cut with pink and purple streaks in it and glasses came over to me and said let's put you in this room. I was having a contraction so I couldn't walk and she walked on without me and I looked at her and said hold on this will go away and she stood there looking very annoyed saying I'll wait. in my head while I was in a lot of pain going through this contraction trying to breathe through it I thought to myself how rude I'm not doing this on purpose it's my body trying to give birth to my baby. Regardless I still went with a smile on my face giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she was just annoyed with something else. She got me into the room and told me to get undressed and get on the table. I did, she had me pee in a cup and I gave it to her. She then proceeded to say you look severely dehydrated so that's why you're in pain.

I said no I think this baby is coming if I can get my body to relax I'm sure I'll be giving birth any moment. She looked at me and laughed, my body was going into convulsions with each contraction. The short pixie-haired nurse had a badge on her that said the lead nurse. My contractions hurt so badly and my body was convulsing that I couldn't let go of the side of the bed. I tried to breathe through them the nurse verified that I was having contractions every 5 minutes lasting 2 minutes long. The pain was so bad that I could not breathe through them and I kept asking please I want an epidural can you please give me an epidural or something to help me with this pain. The pixie-haired nurse put the IV in my wrist and hooked a water hydration bag to it. She said I can't give you the epidural until you're further dilated. I reassured her that this was my third child and that once I'm able to relax my body will dilate and I will give birth.

The pixie hair nurse dismissed my comments again looking very annoyed with me. Frankie then came to the hospital said his son was there with him and all the kids are waiting in the waiting room. Frankie saw how badly I was in pain My body's shaking with every contraction he asked the nurse isn't there something you can give her to ease her pain The pixie hair nurse replied not until she dilates more. The kind-hearted blonde-haired woman who saw me earlier that morning came in talking to me then the pixie her nurse asked the kind nurse was she in This much distress when she came in the first time? The kind nurse said no she wasn't you can tell that she is in more distress than earlier today.

Again, my symptoms were being dismissed. The pixie heard the nurse started asking me questions about my household my diet and then asked me if anybody smoked in the household. I replied to her that Frankie did smoke cigarettes but outside so I guess it would mean that he smokes cigarettes at the house. She then proceeded to say haven't you asked him to quit? Do you think it's a good idea for him to be smoking with a new baby coming in? I said not that it's any of your business but it's not my choice. It's his choice to smoke. Then the kind nurse came in and gave me some things through my IV she said they're planning on sending you home but so you're not in so much distress I'm going to give you this in your IV it is a form of a narcotic but it'll help you breathe through the contractions for your still dilated to a three.

This medication is when we use the epidural when giving birth. You will feel everything, but it'll just help you relax a little bit to breathe through things. within 2 minutes I was able to start breathing through my contractions I then looked at the nurse as she watched the medication work for me to relax and get some relief and I said you're my favorite you listen to my concerns. The kinder said oh thank you so much I take my job very seriously. I looked at her and saw that the other nurse with the pixie cut that had seemed irritated the entire time I have been there was looking over her shoulders and heard my statement.

The pixie hair nurse came overlooking even more irritated saying I need to check you to see if you've dilated anymore. I said okay I looked to the side open my legs and she harshly went to check my cervix so abruptly that my water broke Frankie looked at the pixie hair nurse and her face looked like she did something wrong Frankie said what the heck just happened? My eyes were closed and so much pain and I said why am I wet? Why is the pain getting worse? What is going on? The pixie hair nurse says you're dilated to a nine we need to wheel you into the other room This baby's coming. At this point, they did not admit me into the hospital until the pixie hair nurse (whose badge said she is the lead nurse) broke my water, I had been sitting there for 2 hours hooked up to the machine confirming that I was contracting every 5 minutes for 2 minutes long.

They unhooked me from everything and started wheeling me into the other room while they were on hooking me I kept moaning and groaning about how much pain I was in My 15-year-old daughter was about to walk into my room before they started wheeling me into another room she heard me asking why I was hurting so bad. She got scared and went back to the waiting room. As they were wheeling me into a different room, I could feel the baby's head trying to come out. I was holding her in with as much as I could. a midwife joined us and said "Brandy I need you to tell me when you're contracting" because I wasn't hooked up to anything they had no idea when I was contracting to push this baby out.

I refuse to talk to anybody because I was in so much disbelief that I warned each nurse how much pain I was in I warned them what my body goes through when I give birth and they dismiss me as if I didn't know my own body. They wheeled me into a different room where there is another table and told me to crawl from one gurney to the next, I looked at her and said are you kidding me? She said no I am not, so I crawled from one gurney to the next and just believe that this was happening to me. I could only lay on my side because I had not much energy to do anything else, I was still not hooked up to anything no hydration monitors no nothing.

The nurses kept saying let me know when you are contracting so we can help you push. I was so angry and agitated that I was being dismissed like an animal like my voice did not matter. Then I felt a warm gush come over my legs and what I hear two of the nurses in the corner whispering oh my goodness she ruptured. Frankie had his hands over his ears and tears because he said it was like watching someone go through an exorcism and a brutal beating all at the same time with no one to blame. The pixie hair nurse when I asked again to please take the pain away she's looked at me in my face and said the only way you're going to stop being in pain is if you push this baby out.

Then a midwife said Brandy please let me know when you're contracting so I can help I could not say a word I just pushed when I felt a contraction. The baby pooped as she was exiting the birth canal to where the nurses could not tell if it was her or me. They finally established that it was baby Lilith that she was under so much distress she pooped as she came out. They put her on my side I couldn't even look at her. One of the nurses asked me if I wud like to have \her cleaned off. I said yes please and asked them to give her to her father. The midwife was pressing on my abdomen, I was still in a lot of pain and started showing her hand from my stomach, the midwife then said to me I need to get the afterbirth out. I gave another push and ushed the placenta out. Seconds after another random nurse came up to me and said so are you ready for your tubal ligation.

I looked at the nurse and said are you kidding me I’m not numb I can feel everything and I didn’t even ask for a tubal ligation so why on earth would I be ready to receive one. At this point, I was so distraught and disgusted at how these nurses and staff were treating me. I was then transferred to an actual room and was able to just sit in the darkness with my baby and cry. Even though I was at Kaiser Fontana at a little after 7 pm I was not admitted to the hospital's eyes or the nurse's eyes till they broke my water at 9:54 pm, My daughter was born at 10:01 pm.

I was there for over 2 hours contracting, body convulses and in tremendous pain but I was so neglected and dismissed treated like an animal. Whoever thinks their third time giving birth would be so dramatic? The worst part wasn’t just the fact I was forced to give birth naturally but the emotional turmoil I went through, this child my third daughter, and the birth experience was of a new relationship, a new beginning for us both, and the moment I wanted to cherish with my new partner was taken from me. This birthing experience trauma threw me into a spiral of deep dark depression. I acquired a post-partum PTSD.

I never thought that was possible, I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t wash my daughter or take care of my other kids without help, I would cry for hours and days not wanting to eat or even breathe all I wanted to do was sleep and hide. I could not even answer my phone or walk outside. My daughters' schooling started suffering, I went to therapy and psych meds, and group therapy, till it took me 5 months to be able to be slightly ok after giving birth. When I filed a grievance with Kaiser Fontana telling my testimony and going through the process of arbitration they told me that I was not qualified for any type of compensation for my insurance didn’t cover compensation for pain and suffering.

Again, more neglect, nothing was done to the nurses who hurt me, and my mental health was dismissed they called my birthing experience a rapid normal birth. I feel discriminated against, neglected, physically unsafe and my faith in Kaiser Permanente Fontana has been demolished. I try my hardest to stay away from Kaiser Permanente Fontana for I do not feel like I will get adequate care there, so I go to other Kaisers. I just want my voice to be heard and I feel like because they cast me aside all the way threw my grievance and the process of compensation and nothing not even a sorry no compassion for what I’ve been through that Kaiser Permanente Fontana has won and defeated me, pushed me aside and swept under the rug as if I was nothing at all.

I hope this story helps others to know if they have been throwing this they are not alone and that they too can overcome things and be strong. I now am using my pain and suffering as a reminder 0of all I have been through and now I am going to get my MSN and hopefully midwifery so I can personally help those women have a better birthing experience than what I had. The birth of your child should be loving, kind, magical, special, emotional, and amazing. Not harsh and neglected lie a war zone.