My Grandfather

He was a wonderful person. 

He was super smart, humble and lived simply. 

Never saw him cocky or showing off. I was afraid I lost this picture in a house fire. It brought tears into my eyes when I found it. I just woke up this morning knowing exactly where it was. I opened the album, and this was the first picture, him smiling at me. I don't have a lot of pictures with my grandpa, but I sure love this one. I can see the calm and kindness on his face. I just cannot look at this picture without smiling back at him. I am now kind of feeling silly sitting here just keep smiling back at his picture. I was talking to my dad (Zoltán Kőrösi) the other day about my grandfather (András Kőrösi, born Kauffman). 

After the war there was still a lot of hatred toward people with Jewish heritage and it was recommended for my grandfather to change his name from Kauffman. He was a great man. He has an amazing story. I will describe a little of his life history for some context. My grandfather went through a lot in his life. He was in Siberia as a prisoner of war, part of his foot froze off there. He was there because of his Jewish heritage; he was part of the working section that got executed by Germans. Well, most of them. It would have been too much for them to bring people back, so they just shot them. They shot my grandfather too. He got shot in two places but survived. The bullets went through in his right shoulder and left leg luckily. I remember him showing me those spots. I was too young then to understand why he was shot. I was just glad he was ok. The family at that time did not know he was alive. There was a notification that his mother, my great grandmother received that he disappeared. He was declared dead. From the 100 people in that specific work section 2 people made it home to Hungary. Luckily for our family he was one of the two. Life experiences took a toll on him for sure. I am very happy that he made it. He created a beautiful family after surviving all this. Three wonderful children. My father and two aunts. Many grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I loved my grandfather very much. He was a wonderful man. I remembered some stories when my father gave him some money when I was young and asked him why he needed money. My dad told me it was so he can buy a drink that he needs. I just acknowledged the story at that time like ok, grandpa needs it ok. Thinking back, I never saw my grandfather drinking much; an occasional half Deci of vodka, but never saw the effects, he was always very quiet, super friendly and loving. Loved when he made food. I am not sure what he did with salads, but it was always amazing. Potato with parsley was one of his specialty. 

My dad tells me a story when my grandfather got his engineering diploma, there was a celebration. At that time, he was not used to drinking he had a half Deci (dl) pálinka (Hungarian fruit brandy) and he was staggering on his way home. He had to walk 200m. People who told the story after told my dad that my grandfather walked like someone was pulling him on a rope. Once he got home, in the hallway he was walking from one wall to the other staggering. Later he started to drink but only half a Deci pálinka a day he did not even had money to drink more. My dad told me that my grandfather started drinking when he was sent to Moscow, Russia in 1969, for an assignment for two years by himself and his family could not go. Dad recalls that he was sent because there was an opportunity that he could have been the CEO at the cable company he worked at, instead they sent him to Moscow and while he was gone someone else took the seat. Dad says that grandpa really learned how to drink there. People in Moscow, Russia know how to drink and know how to drink well he learned how to drink vodka with sour pickles. Eating the sour pickle allowed people to drink more. I talked to my aunt Kati (Funk Sándorné) today, she said the same thing about grandpa a drinking in Russia.

Kati was remembering how wonderful he was, and she started sharing some funny stories about him. She recalls a story that happened. There was a phone call that got to my aunt that my grandfather took some medications and he was not responsive. They sent an ambulance out. My aunt called my grandmother (Szarvas Magdolna) to find out what had happened. She thought her father was a happy, well rounded person, so what happened? She was telling me how nothing was wrong with him, he had his little pálinka, then everything was ok. My grandfather always used to say that he had a beautiful life. My aunt feels that all that he suffered through in his life he just looked everything in the past and had fun on it now. It is like looking at our fears in the eye and laughing. My grandmother told my aunt, why what would be wrong with your dad, he is snoring on the couch he had some drinks. My aunt thought that she was just trying not to tell her what is going on because my aunt was pregnant at that time. She insisted on talking to him. She was panicking and told him what she heard. 

My grandpa said: Well, then they can come and pump my stomach if they want to that is not something I had done before, anyway. They were laughing so hard. It was a mistake; it was the wrong person. It was somebody else in the family. My grandmother ended up redirecting the ambulance to the place they needed to go. My aunt Kati describes a bar that grandpa used to go to (Dagály utca 7, söröző in Budapest Hungary). The bar is nonexistent now, but I found a picture of the location of it, see below. I guess grandpa stopped there every morning before work and a half deci pálinka was already there for him to get every morning. It was a custom apparently that it was on the table waiting for the regulars.

Dagály utca 7., Budapest, HungaryKati was also telling me that my grandpa had a license to drive a tank. Never heard about it before. Kati asked him why he don't buy a car, life would be easier to get around. He told her, oh no, I like alcohol better. (We had a good laugh on this) Kati recalls that my grandpa was hungry many times in his life and the only time she saw him upset when my father was young and he did not eat the food that was front of him, it was potato with parsley (it is so good, especially from fresh young potatoes in the spring). This was my grandpa. Most wonderful man someone can imagine. My grandfather died of a heart problem when he was 75 years old. 

Was it from years of drinking alcohol? Was it his time? 

We will ever know. My dad was telling me that when my grandfather came home from Russia, he was sick from the alcohol. He was an alcoholic by that time. He was around 48 years old. Dad recalls that before my grandpa was an engineer, he was a roofer. He worked on the Basilica in Hungary and a museum. There was no way he could have had a drink then dad recalls, since roofers did not drink because they would had fallen down from the roof. My dad said this so funny I was bursting out laughing. He also said: "if you drink as a roofer you just die". I try, but sometimes the translation to English from Hungarian just does not sound the same. Grandpa sometimes talked a lot if he had a little too much to drink, then dad would tell him, ok, that is enough, and he would just say, ok son, and go to bed. I wish I had more time to spend with him. He was a teacher in college, he was teaching Math. Alcohol maybe was not the direct cause of his death, it contributed to it some. Alcohol is not good for the body. Once my grandfather invited Dad and Erika (his wife Erika Kőrösiné Budás) to dinner. When they got there in the afternoon the door was closed. They ring the bell, nobody came out. They smelled smoke. Dad tried to call; he did not pick up the phone. At that time the phones were down the street. Dad broke the door. It took 3 tries then my dad fallen through the door. 

He tried twice then he put his hands together and said:

" God let me through this door". 

It worked; he fell through the door. My grandpa was sleeping, snoring, like there is nothing going on. My dad woke him up, asked him what he was cooking. He was making "pacal" a Hungarian specialty, well dad said, lets then repaint the kitchen. Everything was black in the kitchen. He put up the food in a pressure cooker. The kitchen was painted 2–3 weeks before. It was a lot of work to get the kitchen back to normal. Dad recalls the bean soup that my grandpa used to make; it was wonderful with smoked ham. Dad said he loved all his grandchildren very much. He was ready to help any time. I remember him watching my sisters when they were young. I stayed at my mom's and just saw dad on the weekends, so I did not have a lot of time to spend with grandpa. 

My maternal grandmother (Nagy Borbála) lived not too far from grandpa so when I visited her, I tried to see my grandpa too. Many times, I would find him sitting at a bench in front of the condominium with the neighbor, smoking or just talking. Cannot really turn time back, he could be still alive today, maybe. I know he is here in spirits and I am forever thankful that I met him and was able to spend some time with him here and there. I was very sad when he died but did not fully realize what I had lost until much later. Spend some time with loved ones, because we just never know how long we have. Sit by them, listen to the stories they have to say. Just be there. Dad said the drinking got worse when my grandmother died. While she was alive his drinking was more under control. My dad said my grandfather's view on making money was that it is difficult to earn it but anyone stupid can spend it. All the money he made he would give to my grandmother. If he would ask money for a drink, she would give him money for one. Only one. She knew this, he knew this. There was never a problem. Not until she died. When he was alone, he would drink to forget things.

My grandfather and father had a little cabin on a lake where he liked to go and fish. I have been there many times. My dad recalls that about each Thursday grandpa always really wanted to go fishing. He did not drive but we had a family friend Zsiga who did. Zsiga usually drove my grandfather fishing. It was more than about fishing of course. They left this particular Thursday just like any other Thursday. My dad and his family were going to go that Friday as well. It was a regular weekend activity to get out of the city and hang around with friends; it was a great place for kids too. My grandfather and Zsiga took wine with them for the whole weekend, by the time my father got there next day with his wife and my sisters all the wine was gone and some palinka as well, then they started to drink beer that my father was going to have that weekend. In these cases, my dad might get a little upset. My grandfather was a "good drunk" dad describes, never got violent, or aggressive. Zsiga however did, dad recalls he would keep saying he is not drunk then actually fall down from the roof which actually happened then he would call my dad for help. I am not sure what he was doing on the roof drunk. He stepped wrong and broke a bone. My grandfather never even thought about treatment.

The last time my grandfather went out to fish he went to a party that was at a friend's fishing cabin. He went back to my dad's fishing house after the party which was about 50 meters away. Everything was really close; small little cabins around a little fishing lake. He did not go back to the party and next morning friends asked their grandkids, two teenage boys, to go check on my grandfather. He was not out fishing in the morning which was unusual. This was 1995 August 2nd. The boys went in, the door was unlocked. He was dead. He was sitting on the edge of a bed. Dad thinks it was a breathing or heart problem. He died alone which was very sad. All his family remembers him with great love. My dad would love if he would be still around, he would not mind taking care of him. 

He misses him, so do I.

Thank you for reading, 

Gabriella

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This book is dedicated to the memory of

Bagóczky József my uncle who died at age 19 - alcohol related car accident

and to everyone else who has been hurt or lost related to addiction

Many people had been supportive and inspiring to me so I could create this book. Both of my wonderful children told me, just write that book mom. My mom. I could have not done this without all the stories provided and the encouragement love and caring from my family and friends, nurses, doctors, counselors, teachers, professors, friends who are dealing with addiction and staying sober; and children, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers of people who are dealing with addiction currently. Thank you for speaking up, sharing your stories and life experiences. Thank you for all the people who read this book while in progress to provide feedback, ideas and encouragement for me to continue writing. I would like to say special thanks to my friends and family for believing me and encouraging me to go on.

Front cover acrylic painting created by Andrea Mihaly October 2019

Our Society: Addiction and More Uncovered. Hear the voices of everyday people - collection of stories and experiences.

Copyright @ 2020. 1st addition on Amazon KDP. 2nd addition Jan 2021 Barnes & Noble. By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi. All rights reserved. Dancing Elephants Press.