When I was younger I would always be nervous. Nervous to talk to new people, nervous to ask questions to my teachers, and even too nervous to talk to my own friends. There was always that thought in the back of my mind telling me that if I talk they won’t like me or they will leave me. I had a good childhood. I got good grades, I was becoming healthy after dealing with asthma attacks every night and being in the hospital for months at a time, and I was making friends. When I reached 4th grade I started becoming sad. Sad for no apparent reason. As a 9 year old I didn’t know what was happening. I started becoming distant with everyone and that’s when I met my best friend to this day. She had this energy to her that I looked up to. She was smart, beautiful, and kind. I wanted to be that, to have that. We became close friends and did everything together until 5th grade. In fifth grade I started becoming more timid about my body. I was always small and underweight yet I saw myself as being too big. I started eating less at the ripe age of 10. No one noticed. No one. I started becoming smaller and smaller and when people told me that I’ve lost weight and that I looked good my mind feasted on those comments. I loved them. People telling me I was becoming skinny. To begin I was short and underweight but I just kept losing weight. I started becoming depressed as problems started occurring with my sister. She started getting in trouble with the law and I didn’t see her often. My parents would always be mad or just tense. I started cutting. I at age 10 started hurting myself. It was a way to feel something. I was numb. I just wanted some type of emotion and wether that be happiness or pain I needed something. I was hurting and no one noticed. Summer shorts and tees became pants and long sleeves in a matter of days. It took people 4 years to notice anything was actually wrong. No one noticed not even my parents. The people that raised me and I spend most of my time with didn’t even notice. When my parents found out I got taken to the hospital because I started fainting constantly from hunger. They had me hospitalized, I was dehydrated, my heart was off, my kidneys were releasing to much protein, and All my electrolytes were off. I was .4 off from having a heart attack. All because I would not eat. I saw myself as fat. I was 42 pounds and I was 5’2. I was supposed to be at 115 pounds at least. I refused to eat so they decided to put a tube through my nose to feed me. I refused it and ripped it out. I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and then got sent to a residential facility. I was supposed to stay in the facility for 5 months. I stayed for 3 weeks. I got kicked out because my blood sugar got too low. I started eating but after 3 weeks I gave up. I stopped eating and they sent me to the hospital. I was there for 3 more weeks. I got tubed twice in that time. I got sent to Californian. I was sent to a facility where they could take me with a tube because every facility in the east and north refused to accept me because of how bad it was. Then after a few months I came back home. I was finally reunited with my family. I was doing online school but decided to go back to public school to be with my friends. I was exited. I met this guy. He was the sweetest person. After half a year of knowing him we began to date. He treated me like a princess. He didn’t know about my past. A friend of mine decided to tell him against my day. He started becoming more aware and that didn’t change how he felt. He wanted to help me get better. Which I’ve been. I am not close to 80 pounds and happier than I have been. I learned not to give up. Things will get better. One day things will get better. It might not be now, in a day, or even in a month but things will get better. Since I was in 5th grade I’ve wanted to give up and I tried but I always had hope. That hope led me to a better and happier life.
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The secret journey to regaining emotional stability
Do you feel that the anxious and avoidant types both seem to be strong and independent, but in fact they are sensitive and fragile. They often fall into emotions because of small things and start to be anxious and avoidant? If anxious and avoidant types want to change these, what they actually need is to compensate for their missing parts and heal their injured parts. In this issue, we will teach the avoidant and anxious types how to cultivate themselves again, making their emotions more stable, more rational in relationships, and at the same time gaining the ability to actively output emotional value. If anxious and avoidant types want to overcome the sensitive and fragile parts of themselves and obtain stable emotions, they need not only cognitive adjustments, but also need to heal the traumatized parts of themselves and compensate for the regretful parts of themselves. For example, the regret of the avoidant type is that they have not been paid serious attention to and have never truly rebelled. Therefore, the avoidant type will not fight for their own needs in many situations, resulting in uncomfortable situations and relationships, and they are always running away and wandering. The trauma of the anxious type is that they are trapped in unstable relationships and have been hurt by the instability in intimate relationships. The slightest fluctuation will make the anxious type feel nervous and anxious. Therefore, anxious and avoidant types are inherently fragile, sensitive, and unstable. In summary, these reasons are that something is missing during the growth stage, or they have suffered some trauma, so if you want to solve these problems, this is the time. Compensate when you need to compensate, heal when you need to heal, exercise when you need to exercise, just treat yourself as a child and raise yourself again. If the avoidant and anxious types re-train themselves, what kind of growth can they gain? First of all, emotions will become more and more stable. For example, you can be aware of your emotions at the first time, avoid emotions from affecting your thoughts and judgments, and learn to regulate your emotions. Secondly, you can truly understand yourself and know your real needs and fears. In the process of re-nurturing yourself, you can clearly understand your needs and fears, that is, you can know why you are attracted to a certain person, why you behave like this, and then you can better understand what you need.
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