My Addiction took me further than I ever expected

*I have been in recovery for bulimia and drug/alcohol abuse for over 3 year. I also deal with mental illness every day. I am including this trigger warning before proceeding with my story.*

Growing up, I had a family who truly cared for me and always wanted the best for me. My parents have been married over thirty years, and I am the middle child with two brothers. I am the only girl. I was always an overweight child, but I never noticed it until around middle school. That’s when the bullying started. I was constantly called out for being an overweight child. I didn’t make the cheerleading team along with another girl, even though we were both very talented, for the simple fact, we both had extra weight.

My family also raised me to abstain from ever breaking rules. We attended church every Sunday and Wednesday, and us children were taught to never disobey. We were taught that drugs, alcohol, and even nicotine was bad. We were also taught that use should never do anything illegal.

I was always the rebellious child. My mother even had “self-help” books to help her raise her strong-willed child (me), as she said none of her punishments never seemed to phase me. She said I always seemed to have to learn the hard way. The thing was, I only seems to be rebellious at home, I never seemed to have problems at school or anywhere else.

In high school, I remember being rejected by someone who was supposed to be my best friend. This person ditched me and spread horrendous rumors about me after I was forced by my first boyfriend to have sex against my will. She decided I was “unclean”, and that I was a whore, despite the fact she had slept with a multitude of guys and I was forced. After this, I got in my parents’ medicine cabinet, looking for something to numb the pain (who does that?), and I found Hydrocodone and Xanax. I took one of each. Within an hour, I felt relief. I felt a euphoric feel I hadn’t felt before. This began my love/hate relationship with pills.

I had already drank alcohol before, but after that night, I started chasing a high. I changed completely. I stopped caring about school. I went from a straight A student, to a B/C student. I maintained a job, and took on another job after graduating high school. I actually was accepted into nursing school right out of high school. Guess what? One semester into college, I ended up flunking out. I was so addicted to nubain (a high powered opiate), xanax, alcohol, sex, and cigarettes, and my boyfriend at this point.

In August of this year, I find out that my boyfriend had cheated on me. I decided to try to kill myself with every pill I could. It didn’t work. I get worse on pills, and I am injecting myself with nubain at this point. My saving grace happened. I got arrested for stealing Xanax and stealing Nubain. They gave me an option, jail or rehab. I choose rehab. I did get clean for about 5 months, after spending 38 days in rehab. Then I met the devil himself.

I fell in love with this known alcoholic. I thought I could save him, which was a huge mistake. You will end up destroying yourself, trying to save someone else. At first, I helped him go to rehab, and he got clean for a total of two weeks. He got out and got his second dui. I caught him cheating, and decided to stay, because he killed my self-esteem. He even put a gun to my head on a drunk night. This man accidentally broke my back by tickling my feet while I was upside down in an inversion table, which required me to have surgery, and got me back on opiates. He also introduced to another drug I fell for…. Cocaine. He ended up breaking up with me in a text, which ended up helping save my life, but not before I almost killed myself by being an idiot.

After this breakup, I did two more stupid things. Here Is one of them. I went out with someone one night to a party, and was drugged.I was also taken advantaged of. I decided to leave, and wrecked. I was charged with a DUI, and possession of drugs. I had drugs in my vehicle.

The night I have no memory of is the night I overdosed. I overdosed on fentanyl and cocaine on my little brother’s 11th birthday, and my older brother and dad found me and called the police and ambulance. That was the last night I used, and after that I withdraw and detoxed on my parents’ couch. I went to rehab a week later in Texas. The night I landed in Texas, I found out I was pregnant with my now almost 3-year-old son, who was born with out a single trace of drugs in his system (I was only 3 weeks pregnant). I moved to a California rehab 2 days later as they could handle pregnant women). I am blessed to be clean and sober.