Moonlight

Moonlight

The Moon is a difficult subject since it has so many phases, beginning with the new moon and ending with the full moon. I prefer to think of this as a mental cycle in which we must strive to become full of light again when we are in our darkest times. When you transform into a full moon, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world because you are bathed in light, casting away the shades of darkness. The trouble with being entirely full is that when something awful happens, you start to let the darkness back in, you allow yourself to be swallowed whole, and you end yourself right back where you started.

New Moon

The new moon was always fascinating to me because it was shrouded in darkness, but there was a sliver of light beaming through despite the obscurity. The world might be a frightening place, but the darkness of your thoughts can be far more frightening. Growing up, mental health was not a topic we discussed much in my family; many of my relatives dismissed my brothers and me as "hormones," which we knew they weren't, but who can you talk to about it if your family won't even listen? I knew I had a mental problem from an early age because I would push myself to be the greatest at school, art, music, and pretty much whatever else you could strive to be good at just to get my mother's attention. In my darkest moments, my brother was always there for me. What made things worse was that my mother would not even listen when we came to her to tell her what was going on, so we stopped trying to talk to her about anything. My brother used to tell me that it's simpler to block off individuals who won't listen than it is to persuade them to understand what you're saying. He's two years my senior, yet he's always been, my personal therapist. The way the moon could always light through the clouds and provide a little bit of happiness to the lonely stars has always struck me as something so lovely and charismatic to the night sky. Everyone has a small ray of hope to help them get through the dark times, and mine has always been my brother.

Crescent Moon

A crescent moon is a lovely sight because it suggests that while darkness may come and go, the light will begin to expand and push the darkness away. When I was in middle school, I began to learn how to mask my emotions from those around me. Except for Eli, my brother, who could always see right through the phony smiles and chuckles but never said anything. We had an unspoken agreement that we would never discuss matters in front of others and that we would always talk to one other if we had a problem. These guidelines have saved me numerous times, and they have also saved him. Even with a little brightness, there is still darkness that may take over the pleasant moments, so having each other together has made us a little healthier mentally. My brother and I have always been close since we grew up knowing we will always have each other. He was a very good person who could always detect other people's emotions, but he suffered from mental illness and still suffers from it today, though he has improved. His mental health deteriorated as he began high school, and he lost friends he believed he would have for the rest of his life. Eli became depressed as a result of his friend's actions, and he began to drink and use drugs to cope. He'd never shut me out before, but he did it now, shutting me out along with everyone else and allowing the darkness to take over until it nearly devoured him whole. I knew he'd attempt to push me away one day, just like the others, but I also knew I was the one who had never and would never, let him shut me out. Because I've always felt that I'm not good enough for anyone to stick around for a long time, his attempts to drive me away pushed me back into my own head, and that's when the worst period of my depression hit. Eli and I have always been linked, and I fall when he does. It was difficult for me to make the switch to trying to pull him out since I was so used to him pulling me out that I didn't know how to assist.

Quarter Moon

The quarter moon's beauty lies in the fact that it has an equal amount of dark and light, making it a healthy mental environment as long as you concentrate on the light rather than the darkness. Beginning in high school, I had the impression that love was non-existent and that no one could truly love someone in the way that is depicted in films. I was fully comfortable being on my own after witnessing my mother's reliance on so many guys. They all go after making phony love pledges and a fairytale ending. I promised myself that I would never enter a relationship expecting to remain with them for the rest of my life since guys always leave. My brother had moved home with my father at this point, which was difficult for both of us because we only saw each other at school. I started coming to church with one of my best friends, and I absolutely loved it and was overjoyed. Nick was a boy I met there. I liked him and thought he was sweet, but I didn't care for love or relationships. He managed to break through my defenses, and I allowed him, and we began dating. Because my brother was not around as much, I began to look for joy and light in other areas of my life. I began to like this boy, and he told me what all males say, "I will never leave you no matter how difficult it becomes." I allowed myself to trust him, and he brought a lot of light back into the gloom.

Gibbous Moon

While thinking about your own mental condition, the Gibbous moon is comparable in shape to the crescent moon, with more light than dark; this is an excellent place to be when trying to get out of the suffocating gloom of your own mind. In my junior year, I was highly involved in church, which helped to divert my attention away from the negative thoughts that still plagued my head. Nick and I fell in love after I chose to let down my walls with him. He was the man I planned to marry someday. We'd been together for almost three years, and it had been the best three years of our lives. Because of my mother's mental problems, I had moved in with my brother and father, which was the best thing for my mental health. My commitment to my church had grown to the point that I went every Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. I went and assisted with all of their events, which made me very happy. I hadn't been truly happy in a long time before this. Finally, the light had won out over the gloom in my life. My brother was in a good place as well; he was doing better in school, wasn't doing drugs anymore, and had his own girlfriend. This was the first time we were both in the same mental state at the same time. We both worked because, even though we lived with our father and had solid significant others, we preferred to be self-sufficient because we disliked being reliant on others. Except for Daniel, I lost a lot of my prior friendships when I started attending church. He was and continues to be my best friend; he was aware of all of my mental challenges and assisted me in overcoming many of them when my brother could not. My brother also gained new friendships, all of whom were aware of his background and welcomed him for it.

Full Moon

The full moon is so beautiful that it totally lights up the night sky; it is a mental world I had never visited before, and I enjoyed every minute of it. It was my senior year, and I was ecstatic to begin college with Nick and to be able to move on from the difficulties of my past. I was resolved to make the most of this year because it was my last as a child. Even though I had been able to pay bills on my own for two years by the time I reached 18, I was ecstatic to be able to be called an adult. By my junior year, I had paid my own car payment and insurance, but something about doing it by the age of 18 felt different. The darkness was nearly non-existent at this point in my life, and I was genuinely joyful. I had done volunteer work for the church, such as assisting with the planning of their youth group and assisting with the childcare we had there. Nick and I had discussed getting married and starting a family at this point, but not at that time. We planned our entire future together, and it was because of this that I finally believed people could honor their commitments.

Repeating The Cycle

Nick had left me in November, and this had put me through a lot mentally. I was starting to slide back into the darkness, and this time I was scared I wouldn't be able to get out. All of our goals and all of the light in my life began to fade away, leaving me with nothing but the oppressive night. I loathed myself and pushed everyone away because the ideas that had been present before had returned. My growth finally shrank to the point that it was completely gone. I felt as if I didn't have any more light in me. As time passed, I returned to attempting to produce my own light, which proved to be really beneficial. I was able to get back on my feet because I was self-sufficient and did not require the assistance of others to achieve my happiness. I had decided to wait until after college to date because my grades had suffered throughout my senior year of high school as a result of my emotional state. But then Gavin came into my life and restored my mental full moon, keeping all of his promises and assisting me in falling in love once more. It's fine to rely on others, but I'll never again put my entire happiness in the hands of one individual. I discovered that the only person you need to be able to bring light into your life is yourself.