Mental Health - Depression Is Real

Depression is a real issue and I feel it is an issue that is not really handled until it is too late.

I myself struggle with it on a day to day basis, and it causes me to be even more anxious than I already am. Alongside being on the spectrum, it feels very difficult.

Real talk guys.

It isn't fun dealing with it and it has hit me hard these past few weeks.

Having lots of self doubt, not feeling like I'm good enough for anything, feeling like a failure and a burden to others. It is very overwhelming. Even worse, counseling is hard. Like how do you just unload this stuff on this person and even be able to get it out vocally. I do not know where I would even start with all I have weighing on me.

I've gone from random breakdowns this past week, to being fine for a bit but soon after I am apologizing to my SO because I feel like I'm failing him for feeling this way and other things. I feel bad I'm a "sick" person.

I've been talking at myself like that since the cancer.

I feel bad about anyone helping me with anything and that I feel like I and well sometimes it is true need to be taken care of. I get so overwhelmed with these other thoughts going on that I'm quiet and have nothing to really say because of how loud my mind is and it sucks. It sucks having these social communicative problems. I have people saying it is okay to come to us if you want to talk but I'm standing there like "How do I do that?"

Things process in my head and it ends up never coming out. All these outcomes, or if you will say it loud enough for them to hear, or if you will be judged for it

I am always afraid what if one day I can't take it anymore.

Fighting is hard. I lay in bed crying wishing I wasn't here, wishing I didn't wake up from that 10 minutes of death.

I had someone tell me on the phone, "I know how we can help your depression. Find a very high bridge and jump off it."

This is the world we live in?

It's awful that there are people like that.

I appreciate those I do have.

I appreciate my fiance.

I appreciate my dog.

I'm not great vocally at getting that stuff out, and I've gathered more often than not, these therapist wanna talk not read your writing. And if they don't get anything out of you, sometimes... just sometimes they shut you out and stop seeing you. It isn't fair to us who are going through anything even stuff past depression.

If you suffer through this or anything and think you may have trouble vocally getting it out, this blog is open to you. I will listen and be that ear.

Sometimes we who are stuck suffering, we have each other to help try and lift the other up.

Or if you need the professional help, please please please try and seek it the best of your ability.

You are loved.

You are cared for.

You are wanted.

Even when we feel so alone.

There will always be someone even if it is just one person. One person that cares is still one person

Please do not take the dark side out.

Together we can face this

Together we can win.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255