LOVE IS FOR GROWN UP'S

This life has nothing but learning for a young woman a daughter of the narcissistic mother. My secret's of maternal deprivation and abuse. We the Daughter's of narcissistic mothers often always form dysfunctional bonds to pseudo love. Fifty six years of self reflection only with violent adventures loving many men who were mirrors of my mother, It was as entering into the divine communication like a monk in the act of self flagellation asking always for atonement. The trauma bonds the dark energy which cursed every part of life and my four beautiful sons it never changes when you are in the presence of these mothers. Nearly every woman I met in the Women's refuges had suffered from a broken bond with the mother .The golden child who was my brother he too suffered in never knowing love as he also directly assumed the responsibility of our narcissistic mother through physical abuse of the scapegoat, so that our narcissistic mother did not have to bear it alone. As my narcissistic mother was jealous of the Feminine irrationally, so in order to ensure her superiority, she would try to destroy me with her cruel words always gaslighting negating my feelings. As my narcissistic mother did feel powerful and conceited, seeking admiration from others, thinking she is superior to others, her lack of compassion, exploiting, to humiliate others, too sensitive to criticism, she think's she deserves special treatment, and worse were her affairs . For the damage caused she would gaslight . My Narcissistic mother desperately need admiration, power and control, with a slice of arrogance, lack of empathy, and self-esteem.

Their was no love relationship just it was always her meta verse. When all the ways that I used to understand myself and my place in the world no longer fit. This happens when we have trauma bonds our true self can not live a life that is true to who i was created to be . We ask how can a daughter see her mother as a demonized being , but what a narcissistic cause's does not detract from this reality which catapults into the perpetual dark night of the soul.

Having the eyes to see the absence of spiritual empathy; however, the dark night of the soul always gives way to the glow of the midday light of the presence of true connection with the mother archetype , the abused daughter can have joy in her heart while spiritual depression still reigns in her heart. Although pain can reach the roots of our souls, it should not turn into bitterness but it will as we age. Pain is a legitimate emotion, sometimes even a virtue, but there should be no place for bitterness in the soul, this is why you need to understand the the psyche of a narcissistic mother.

In the same way, we see that going to a house of mourning is healing, but even in mourning this feeling of the wounds should not give way to hatred. At such moments, you are invited to look into your soul, like into a mirror, to see what comes from the depths. If we accept this test and learn from it, then in our spiritual development we can move from the first stage of eyes opening to what familial love is, to natural or instinctual affection.

Which was never offered to you.

Our life begins to feel deeply missed with a tinge of incompleteness the words of the mother keep loud with the inauthentic pretend love acting in front of others . “For all of us, however, there are moments of nascent awareness, small cracks in our armor that show glimpses of our innermost desire and our true wounded nature THE WOUNDED DAUGHTER ...

We begin to see that the results of this trauma bond . Image and awareness are so strong that the birth of our true self starts to open when we experience the suffering and discomfort that occurs when we are confused, lost and in the dark. One of the many negative consequences of the daughter with traumatic bond to the mother, a deep one sided bond that can develop between the daughter and her mother. . A traumatic bond is an unhealthy emotional attachment or bond between a victim {daughter} of abuse and their abuser{ mother]. But sometimes, because the abuser is often mentally or emotionally disturbed and is the product of a dysfunctional environment, the abused person may develop a bond that feels the need to protect the abuser who is the narcissistic mother.

This is the collapse of the meaning created by the mind, the conceptual meaning of life ... the belief that you have understood "what it is." It's a term used to describe what might be called the collapse of the conscious meaning of life ... the eruption of a deep sense of meaninglessness into your life. The phrase “dark night of the soul” is often used informally to describe an extremely difficult trauma bond.

" The night of the soul"

Where the rose's are wilted and the wine is flat.

Its not just the hardships of ordinary life , The dark night of the soul is a kind of spiritual depression, a kind of survival crisis, which requires a deep and painful immersion that must be experienced before enlightenment of who you are as a woman not in the shadows of your mother.

However, the modern understanding of the Dark Night of the Soul can often mean the loss of all meaning of life. It to me was a journey to recreate the connection with the woman the girl the lover though the dark night.

This inner standing of the cycle of violence, the feelings of aloneness the programed narcissistic mothers erratic shift in emotions, her ever-conditional love, her constant shaming tactics and her ruthless comparisons terrorize, creating a persistent sense of anxiety where safety and security should of been and affection became a reference point for love in all my relationship's. My narcissistic mother did overvalue her own looks and sexual prowess as I witnessed this behavior I decided to be the opposite to my own detriment . Mother narcissists exhibit internalized misogyny and often view other females as competition. When I started to develop as a woman I was looked upon with fury, jealousy,and envy as her offspring I was viewed as a threat.This did cause trauma and confusion as a survivor of NARC Mother I always did seek and remain in abusive or confused relationships. In order to break the traumatic connection, I needed to have an alternative healthy relationship with myself .I had to be isolated from my mother and this seemed to always never happen for any significant period of time.

AS I called upon contemplation's spirit, it evoked two types of darkness and purification the revocation, the two parts of my soul, the sensual and the spiritual, obviously another curse of the NARC Mummy dearest seems to be the guilt you shoulder it seems to manifest into sexuality. I could never connect sexually let go and feel really feel.. My Soul wanted the beginning to enter back into this dark night , gradually bringing myself out of the state of guilt , then to introduce me to me the state of where the connoisseurs begin, so that passing into this state, to able to reach the state of perfection, which is the divine union of the soul with energy inside me. to know me , to forever close the door to her .

The Dark Night of the Soul further describes the ten rungs of the ladder of mystical love previously described by St. Thomas Aquinas and partly Aristotle. The poem, however, ties in with a much longer text, also written by Saint John, which describes the difficulties faced by those seeking to purify the senses - and the spirit - in their quest for mystical love. It tells the story of “the journey of the soul from its bodily home to union with self.

Northern Irish singer and songwriter Van Morrison wrote "The Night of the Soul" in some of his songs, including "Tear Rimbaud" in "Sense of Miracle" and "Give Me My Ecstasy" in the poetry champion composition ". Moby and Mark Lanegan wrote "Dark Night" in their collaboration song The Lonely Night, which was released on Moby's eleventh studio album "The Innocent".

For some people, the night they perceive may be just a glimpse of the true darkness of the soul, especially if it is relatively quick and easy, and especially if the person experiencing it feels arrogant about successfully and quickly experiencing it. The night invites the victims to “stay in the present, free from the fetters or deceptions of the past, and not imprisoned in the rigid and defensive concept of the future... The most difficult task is to make the process happen, but this is the pressure of the night. The only relief.

But I give thanks as Slowly walking along, this near whole woman pondered. As I realize that the young woman with youth no more, but had turned into me The woman . Just as a snake is left by its old skin, that one thing no longer exists. I am now the teacher on my path, not the broken little girl unloved .I stand as the loved as a Grown up a mother a grandmother the alchemist. I have been initiated .I am not the victim of My life to become one with the living to mature and grow in knowledge and wisdom of self reliance. The alchemy of my interaction with my mother was from all the elements of darkness and death and it stayed in my DNA but I did not curse my four sons they know they are loved they know their worth. To be tough is to be fragile to be tender is to be wholly Fierce.