Lost in 'Love'

I never thought you would notice someone like me, I’ve always been kind of quiet and to myself.

I never thought you would actually talk to me, I get these butterflies in my stomach when I’m around you, and I can’t seem to form complete sentences when I talk to you.

I never thought my bare, makeup-less face would suffice.

I never thought you would spot me in a sea of Rihannas and Beyonce’s.

I never thought you would get past all of my flaws and quirks and like me for simply being me.  

And yet, here we are 3 months later and I’ve never been happier you make me feel like I’ve never felt before, and I honestly can imagine my life without you.

And yet, there was a way stung to life the once lifeless little girl I was, your every move and touch make my heart burst into rays of beautiful love filled with its own aroma and colors.

And yet, I stood there in my thoughts thinking about how much I love you, these butterflies in my stomach have no plans to leave.

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Maybe you just didn’t get my message, my phone acts really stupid sometimes and I know I need to get if fixed.

Maybe you didn’t notice it was me I’ve been trying something new with my hair so It’s not that big of a deal.

Maybe you were just busy I know how hard school is for you I just need to chill I’m always overthinking you know that.

Maybe you just need time to yourself I know how you get when you're overwhelmed so I’m just going to play something special for us to do I know you love surprises.

Maybe I’ll ask your friends If I did something you seem to be talking to me less, but maybe I shouldn’t have done that.

He didn’t mean to say that I know he loves me and couple argue all the time it just means all it means is that we're a serious couple.

He didn’t mean to make me cry I just get really emotional when it comes to us and I know he’s going through a lot at home he’s just really upset and I don’t know how to help him.

He didn’t mean to hit me and yea it hurt but if I wouldn’t have stepped forward it wouldn’t have happened, I know he talk with his hands it was really an accident and he said it wouldn’t happen again.

He didn’t mean it, He said he’s sorry and I believe him

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She told me that her and Brandon are in love and I’m so happy for her I see the way they look at each other.

She told me that she’s never been happier they are so cute he really loves her.

She told me that she was going to be here but she never showed up but she always on time maybe she just forgot or maybe she ditched me for Brandon.

She told me she was sorry she’s been feeling sick and I just hope she’s feeling better.

Did you see Taylor today, I don’t I’ve seen her all week she told me she didn’t feel good but I talked Brandon’s earlier and he says she fine.

Did you see the marks on her body, she tried to cover it when I pointed them out how sick could she possibly be? and why won’t she talk to me.

Did you see her at all today she’s been skipping school something doesn’t seem right she doesn’t even want us to come over anymore I really think something’s up.

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Dearly beloved we are gathered today to celebrate the life and pay our final tribute of respect to our deceased loved one and friend, Taylor Ann Newbrick. To you members of the family who mourn your loss, we especially offer our deep and sincere sympathy.  May we share with you comfort for such a time as this. May we be granted grace, that in pain we may find comfort, in sorrow hope, in death resurrection.

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I never thought she would keep something like this a secret from us.

I never thought she be ripped away from us so quickly, why didn’t we say something we knew something was wrong.

And yet, here I am at my best friend’s funeral, do I even deserve to call her that?

Maybe if we were more observant and payed more attention we could prevented this from happening, something always seemed wrong with their relationship.

She told me that everything was fine and that he treated her right and I believed her even when it didn’t seem right. 

I never thought something like this could happen to me.

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I actually wrote this short story back in 2017 when I was in college and taking an English 102 course- Like most of the students in her class I waited until the night before to actually complete the assignment. In the Library with two of my closet girlfriends at the time we stared talking about life and somehow got to the topic of trauma, domestic abuse and toxic relationships past and present - this very short, ok-ly written piece became more of a healing process than an actual assignment.

Until this moment I had never really opened up about this part of my life and my story fearing that I was the only one that went through this sort of thing and no one would be able to understand - I was wrong, So many people have either lived through or watched someone live through a toxic relationship. In fact 1 in 3 young people often are, I live in an apartment right now where all of my roommates including myself have experienced this - Crazy right.

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-In the United States, more than 10 million adults experience domestic violence annually.

-If each of these adults experienced only once incidence of violence, an adult in the US would experience violence every three seconds. However, because domestic violence is a pattern, many experience repeated acts of abuse annually, so an incident of abuse happens far more frequently than every three seconds.

-1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men experience sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime with ‘IPV-related impact’ such as being concerned for their safety, PTSD symptoms, injury, or needing victim services.

Approximately 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 20 male 0 victims need medical care.

1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 9 male victims need legal 0 services.

Female victims sustain injuries 3x more often than male 0 victims.

23.2% of women and 13.9% of men have experienced severe 0 physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

- From 2016 through 2018 the number of intimate partner violence victimizations in the United.

- On a typical day, domestic violence hotlines nationwide receive over 19,000 calls.

- An abuser’s access to a firearm increases the risk of intimate partner femicide by 400%.

-In 2018, partner violence accounted for 20% of all violent crime.

-Intimate partner violence is most common against women between the ages of 18-24.

-19% of intimate partner violence involves a weapon.

‘Domestic violence is prevalent in every community, and affects all people regardless of age, socio- economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. Physical violence is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior as part of a much larger, systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, and even death. The devastating consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and last a lifetime.’

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If you are in crisis, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or www.TheHotline.org.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020). Domestic violence. Retrieved from https://assets.speakcdn.com/assets/2497/domestic_violence-2020080709350855.pdf?1596811079991.