Leaving Them Behind

Everyone has their own personality. I have been known to be quiet and anti-social. I'm friendly enough to get along with anyone but I value close relationships and prefer small communities. In the eighth grade, I transferred to a private school and was only able to experience the environment and what it had to offer in 9th grade when school was allowed to be in-person after COVID-19.

The private school was small and everyone was close with each other. There were friend groups and I was able to fit in with one after finding common ground with clubs and competitions. I wasn't very close with my parents due to their high expectations and the constant disappointment and disgrace I brought back home. This caused me to turn to those around me in school. My friends were supportive and loving, traits that I had never truly experienced before. We would do everything together. Everyday after school, I would do whatever it took to stay with them instead of going home. We would stay for hours in our school's courtyard: studying, talking, or playing catch with a tennis ball. Occasionally, we would go to the nearest mall, a ten minute walk from school, and get boba tea together and explore all the different shops. I created nostalgic memories with those around me that I would remember forever. I had met people that loved me for who I am and I experienced what true friendship was. I never wanted to leave their side.

However, due to various circumstances, I transferred to a public school the following year.

It was a massive change. I knew almost no one and I was too stubborn to let go of the friendships I made at my previous school. I knew I was never going to experience such love anywhere else. This made me distance myself from those at the public school and engage most of my time online, talking with my friends that I could rarely see again.

One specific friend was truly the best ever. We would talk everyday for hours and time would fly by in seconds. He would listen whenever I had to complain and did his best to comfort me when I was getting scolded by my parents. He would help me with anything I had trouble on and was there whenever I needed him. He was like an angel and I loved him a lot.

Those I knew at my public school started to complain. I wouldn't spend much time with them, not because I didn't like them, but because I felt as if I didn't actually fit in with the community. That didn't really matter to me, though. I still had my friends from my private school and I continued to hang on to them, never wanting to let go. I regretted not treasuring my time during my freshman year and I would do anything to go back.

Then came 11th grade. The year I am currently in.

Familial issues caused my friendships with those at my previous school to deteriorate. I no longer have someone to turn to for help or someone to complain to. I'm struggling to keep my grades up and can't find the motivation to keep on going. There are so many things I want to accomplish but I don't know where to start. Nevertheless, I aim to keep on going and hopefully regain the love and acceptance I have always wanted. There's a reason I am living and it's to work hard and achieve whatever I can. I'm still alive and that's motivation to keep striving.