Just Let Go

Oliver Green was 14 years old when his abusive mother kicked him out. She caught him with a guy. Though, not just any guy, his history teacher. Oliver had always hated history but found himself eager to participate in Mr. Clayster’s class. One day after class, Oliver was asked to stay after, and to be discreet, one thing led to another, Mr. Clayster was a little more friendly than usual, and well you can probably guess the rest. This was one of the many horrific moments in Oliver's life that truly had an impact on how he ended up.

Now, Oliver is 23, living in a small town near L.A., where he plays in a band. He’s got a pretty chill life with his friends for the most part, ignoring the fact that he struggles with some anxiety because of his past. Oh, and he also is in love with his incredibly hot, dirty blonde, drummer bandmate who also happens to be 100% completely straight. Oh, and he sort of kills people… women specifically… in case you were wondering.

…

When Oliver first ran away, he struggled for a bit, but eventually he met Jake. The two became great friends, got jobs, moved in together, and started a band as the drummer and lead singer with a few other friends they met along the way. The two of them became really close with everything they had gone through together, but Oliver kept his crush a secret for fear that things would change between them. For Oliver this was hard, having to lock up another issue with the rest of his past. With everything constantly rummaging around Oliver’s head, he tries to get it all out in his little black book, one of the few things he got from home when he left.

Today Jake put his hand on my shoulder

as he walked past me. I tried to play it cool

but panic ran through me. I don’t think he

noticed though.

There was also this girl that seemed to

flirt with him during lunch. I didn’t like

that.

…

“Hey Oliver, can you stay after class, I want to talk to you about your quiz.”

“Yeah sure.”

The bell rings and everyone leaves. Mr. Clayster pulls up a chair next to his desk for Oliver to sit at. He puts his hand on Oliver’s arm.

“You seem to really be enjoying class, that makes me happy. Really happy Oliver.”

“Well yeah, it’s a cool class I guess.”

Oliver starts to blush a little. His palms are sweating.

“I want you to know, if you ever need anything, and I mean anything, I’m here.”

His hand starts to lower to Oliver’s leg. Closer. Closer.

“Well Mr. Clayster, I should get to my next class.”

“No. Stay. Please.”

There. Shit.

...

Oliver wakes up screaming. Jake rushes in and asks if he is okay. Oliver nodes.

“Yeah just another one of those damn dreams.”

Jake walks closer and pats his shoulder and sits down. The worry on Jake’s face goes straight to Oliver’s head. He can’t even think. He kisses him. At least he tries to.

“Woah dude… um… shit man I’m sorry. I… I don’t really feel that way. I-uh… I’m just gonna go to bed. I’ll see ya in the morning.”

Oliver starts to panic. He pulls out his book trying to contemplate what had just happened. Regretting everything.

What the hell just happened. I lost control.

I kissed Jake. I really just kissed him.

I don’t know what I was thinking, I probably

just ruined everything. Shit. How could I

let my stupid feelings get the best of me

like that.

…

The next night the band had a show. Jake and Oliver hadn’t spoken all day and avoided each other as much as possible. It was awkward. Really freaking awkward. During the show, Oliver noticed a girl in the crowd, eyeing Jake all night. He didn’t like this. After the show, he noticed her starting to approach Jake, and without thinking, he cut in. The two started talking. Oliver had no idea what he was doing, but he went with it. One thing led to another, and they were hanging out in Oliver’s van. Things got… interesting. Oliver had never been more confused, but he was hooking up with this girl. Though, during a pause, she mentioned Jake.

“You guys were really good tonight, especially that drummer. What was his name?”

“Uh… Jake.”

He didn’t like this.

“Damn. He’s so hot… I mean you are too, he’s just something else.”

Anger took over Oliver. He stood up quickly screaming and yelling. The girl got scared. Before he knew it, his hands were around her neck. Tighter. Tighter. Shit.

Oliver started to panic. She didn’t have a pulse. Fear. I think. He started to feel a sense of relief. Why? Oliver drove the van to the woods and took care of the girl.

…

It’s been a year since Oliver killed his first girl. 9 months since his 2nd. 5 months since his 3rd. 2 months since his 4th. One day since his 5th. Over time it just became easier. It was his psychotic way of dealing with his issues. This relief he felt, it healed his past in a way, getting out his anger, but built up a whole new lifetime of problems. But, he got away with it. Every time.

Things with Jake were never the same. They still lived together, but small talk and details about the band were their only means of communication. This hurt Oliver more than one could imagine.

I’ve now killed 5 girls. This last girl's name

was Katy. She seemed nice. Jake and I had

a conversation about music in general today,

so I’m gonna take that as a good sign that

things are getting better. We’ll see I guess.

…

The band had a big show that night. The entire time Oliver could only focus on this one girl who would not stop staring at Jake. The girl and her friend kept giggling and pointing. Oliver did not like this. He went through his usual routine he had adapted to over the past year. Introduced himself and found out her name was Bianca. Her friend was named June. They talked for a bit and eventually, June left as Oliver and Bianca decided to go talk some more in his van. At least that’s what the girls thought.

Things started building up after they were done talking. Just imagine Jake. Closer. Closer. I hate this. He put his hands around his neck and did what he usually did. When it was over he looked through her purse. He found something. Shit. A check. A check for $20,000. A check for an LGBTQ+ organization. Oliver remembered Bianca mentioning how June was Bi, so that gave an explanation to the check. He felt bad. Really freaking bad. His entire life he felt bad about who he was and now he just killed a woman who supported him.

Oliver didn’t know how to feel. He was a mess. All of a sudden he heard a knock on his van. Bianca was still there. Breathless. He opened the door not showing Bianca. It was June. She forgot her keys. Before Oliver could react, she opened the van door. She screamed. Oliver let her. All his emotions that left him with each victim came flooding back in one wave. He had been caught. Oliver hated himself. His last thoughts before the police came were, "if only Jake knew how much I loved him."

Oliver took his own life a week later. The relief was never worth it.