It's Going to be Ok

It’s not everyday that I am open about certain things that I struggle with because I am a very private person and keep most things to myself with the exception of a small select few that I trust completely.

My intention with this post is not to seek sympathy in the slightest. I have always wanted to help other people- and it has been a struggle being in a city where I have no ties. It has been very hard to not have a physical support group here.

For years, since I was 16, I have struggled with depression and anxiety In addition to PMDD which hit me in my 30s, and after everything that has transpired with the pandemic, I have found myself stuck.

I keep my head up and express myself creatively because that’s how I cope and heal with what I deal with.

Mental health is so important and self care can be challenging sometimes with the Depression and the PMDD - which just sucks the joy out of life very easily. Every month I go through this. I don’t care what people think of me anymore. I know who I am and I know I am strong and capable of a lot of things.

But I am also human and I am not going to live my life feeling scared anymore. Don’t worry- I have online support groups I am a part of and those groups have made such a positive impact and made things bearable. I’m just not going to be hiding anymore. I struggle. A lot. And I’m going to be writing a lot this week and practicing self care to a whole new level of healing and hope I can help someone else out there.

PMDD is a disorder that affects women of childbearing age, sometimes developing early in a woman's 20's, only becoming more severe as time passes. Throughout my research, it seems that the only cure for this disorder is to have a hysterectomy, removing all of the parts of the reproductive system thus eliminating a lot of the pain and suffering. It is something that I am considering, and it is the last resort. There are a variety of hormone replacement therapy treatments in addition to that. From my reading about this disorder and monitoring my symptoms, it has become eye opening to see how many women are afflicted by this disorder. It is crucial to get hormone levels assessed to be able to delve into see what can be rectified. I have taken mood stabilizers before and have contacted my GP to inquire about adding that to my medication regiment on top of the antianxiety medication I take and the antidepressant, which I don't feel is really working. The thing about SSRI's is that after a certain amount of time, they tend to lose their efficacy in treating depression. I have tried almost every single SSRI available. Prozac made me suicidal, Zoloft I can't remember the effects to well because it was 20 years ago when I took it. I do recall having terrible anxiety then and the depression was out of control, so that did not work either.

Every SSRI is different and can help people, but all people are different so it is just a matter of find that absolutely perfect blend of medication to help alleviate the pain and suffering. I am all about finding a solution, and I am all about advocating for women who are struggling with this disorder and to bring awareness to it so it can be discussed and treated. No one deserves to suffer and struggle the way that we as women who have this disorder do.

There are answers. We are fighters and warriors, and if we fight this battle hard enough, we can win.