Introducing Me!

I am currently a mother of two happy, healthy, and adorable children who happens to have schizophrenia. I enjoy writing and it has long been on my heart to write about motherhood, mental health, and other random “adulting” subjects. I may not be any good at it, but I can’t be any worse than all of the articles in a Google search engine that talk about how horrible it is to know a schizophrenic – let alone have one be a mother.

As you read my articles, I want to clear up a few things…

1. These are my thoughts and opinions and personal story. It might not be the same for everyone because we are all unique human beings full of erroneous observations.

2. Schizophrenia can be scary – just like anything can. I’m sure that a lot of the stories I choose to share will be happier and sillier in nature because a simple Google search will tell you everything negative about the disease. However, I will also share stories about things I have struggled with because, in real life, there are positives and negatives every single day, in every single action, and in every single choice.

3. I have a great support team and would recommend one for everyone. Supports are awesome when you are human, amazing when you are a mother, and crucial if you are struggling with any kind of mental illness. If you need help finding a professional support system to start you off right, don’t be afraid to reach out to any of these services from the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

4. My entire goal is to provide the best possible life for my kids. In order to do this, I have to write about things that are meaningful to me. Vocal gives me a platform to be heard, where I can, hopefully, make some money if anyone is interested in reading my work, and it allows my privacy to be protected. I want my children to have the option to have a normal life instead of just being the crazy lady’s kids… or as much of a chance as I can give them since I don’t hide my craziness very well. *giggles* So, please, if some how you figure out what my real name is (not that you wouldn’t have guessed that it wasn’t “The Schizophrenic Mom!” *wink*), respect my family’s wishes for our personal space.

5. And last, but not least, I hope that you enjoy reading what I share without judging me too harshly. We are all humans and all make mistakes every now and then. I might not be proud of all of my choices, but I also wouldn’t change the past because, without the past, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Learn from history, remember history, and create more history wherever you are!

Now for some of my other current titles: I am a…

• high school graduate with a very high GPA
• partner to the best teddy bear of a man that I could ever hope to find!
• dog mom of 2 canines
• cat mom of 2 felines
• chicken mom of 2 Rhode Island Reds
• terrible mom of all my house plants
• delusional gardener
• farm girl trying to adapt to urban life
• daughter, grand-daughter, niece, cousin, aunt…

And so very many more!!!

I picked the title of Schizophrenic and Mom to go by on here because that covers the majority of things I like to write about in real life: mental health, motherhood, and family life in general. Plus, it might help decrease the stigma that goes along with a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

My schizophrenia is well managed with the help of my partner, my psychiatrist, my counselor, and my other professional “friends.” I also have several friends (not the invisible ones!) who check up on me and help me dust myself off if I stumble into trouble. I am very thankful for them all.

Now, you are probably wondering what schizophrenia looks like for me. *smile* If I am doing well and not stressed out, I have several “invisible friends” who are people – they have names, faces, bodies, back-stories, the whole nine yards! Then there are my spiders – they are neon green furry giant creatures that are relatively new as they only showed up after I turned 18. Then there is my giant python, Slither, who followed us home from a trip a couple of years ago.

Then there is the headless horseman (with his horse) who can somehow talk through the helmet on his suit of armor, but claims that he doesn’t have a head. His spear is a machine gun by the way! Totally cool! He showed up after someone in authority scared me on my property and told me that I didn’t have the right to feel safe in my own home.

They sometimes interact with me, but often they are just around me. They are friends, acquaintances, protectors, and (whether or not I like it) a major part of my life. Even when they are just around me like people around you in a busy store, they are still here.

The more stressed out I am, the more negative my hallucinations get. The positive ones fade away and the negative ones start to appear… zombie-ghost-like creatures that claw and scratch at me as they try to murder me, skeletons that fall from out of nowhere or trip me when they appear on the ground, and black shadow creatures that make my skin crawl in terror as they speak. Thankfully, this change is fairly gradual and I have a long list of ways to relieve the stress before the terrible hallucinations start.

This is my life. Read and enjoy. Read and learn. Read and laugh. Read and cry. Share it if it means something to you, like it if you find it helpful or entertaining, and feel free to send me money for a babysitter in the form of a tip... because let's be real... can anyone get any writing done without help to watch 2 kids under 3? *wink*