I am not shy… I am an introvert!

I watch my phone ring and ring and ring. Wait for it to stop and sigh with relief. I hate, and I do not use this word lightly, talking on the phone. Want me to respond to you? Text me and I will invite you to a texting marathon. Hi, I am an introvert and this is my struggle.

My partner is an ambivert and a curious blend of both worlds. We run a media business together where he is responsible for the front end while I handle the back end. But there have been times where I have had to talk to a client or a resource and my partner insists on me making a call. He says a text or an email won’t cut it.

But for me, this seemingly simple task of making a call is an exercise in itself. I have to quite literally prepare myself mentally to make the call. I note down all possible questions and scenarios that could go wrong and how I would handle it. I will practice the lines of introducing myself to the speaker and even figure out different scenarios where the speaker could be busy and would want to reschedule, would carry the call forward or may even pass the call to someone else on their team.

Imagine having this suddenly sprung on you with no time to prepare. Cue panic attack. I have had numerous arguments about the difficulty in being suddenly asked to do something like this and finally had to sit down and break it down to my partner. He now understands and informs me well in advance and giving me the time to prepare for the call.

This is just one of the difficulties I face as an introvert. Another would be being thrust into a social scene which I am not expecting or familiar with. I don’t know if being an introvert is synonymous with being a control freak but I need to understand and prepare for the unexpected. Unaccounted for change is my kryptonite.

In an unfamiliar social situation, I listen more than talk. I observe, analyse and store information about people and their vibes. Yes, I am a huge vibe and energy person, I believe in it wholeheartedly. A person always gives off an energy or a vibe and if you are intuitive or attuned to it, you are bound to feel it in varying degrees.

Maybe because of this, I have a very small circle of friends and they are all from different stages of my life. Each of them matter and has made an impact in my life and thus the resolution to hold them close.

As an introvert, I find it difficult to communicate my emotions verbally. It’s all there in my head but I stumble over words. I am a poor opponent in an argument. I would probably have a eureka moment of an appropriate comeback hours later. But argue with me over text and you are done for. I will send you running for the hills. Words are my friends and I wield them extremely well.

Another problem I face is talking about myself. You know that dreaded question during interviews, “ So, tell me about yourself.” I have tremors and palpitations just writing this. I don’t want to talk about myself, I don’t know how. Should I start with my schooling or should I talk about my interests? But I don’t have any interesting hobbies…is reading interesting? This is going to be a disaster to sum it up!

Despite these struggles, I love being an introvert and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am happy left alone and don’t want a constant circle of people around me, I can entertain myself well.

My batteries are always drained after a social engagement and all I need is some time to recharge my energy. I need no tools, no people, just myself and my favourite pastime — reading. So if you see me reading, think twice before interrupting, I might be refuelling.

You know how sometimes you need some peace and quiet. I hate small talk and I offer incomparable companionable silence like nobody’s business. You can do your thing and I’ll do mine and let silence rule supreme.

Two things I highly value is simplicity and independence. I am a no frills person and so I don’t need the works to make me happy. I am fulfilled having a meaningful conversation or connecting over a common passion or even better food and books.

As an introvert, I fiercely guard my independence and prioritise freedom over most things in life. So when I make a decision, independence and freedom often factors in to making the right decision.

But in a professional setting, how do I manage? I fake it till I make it. It’s not easy talking to a complete stranger as a client but I make sure I am well versed with the subject matter. Having an awesome partner to catch me when I stumble in such situations is a blessing.

So Introverts out there, I know it’s exhausting just navigating through day to day life, but we have our secret and powerful ammunition to deal with this drain. I have told you mine, what are yours?