Perhaps because of childhood experiences, or perhaps because of self-perception barriers, many people are always dependent on others in dealing with human affairs, and we call this personality "dependent personality", and most people label this type of person as "ignorant" and "immature". Most people label these people as "immature", but the matter of "dependency" is more complicated than we know.
A large part of the reason for this personality comes from the environment in which one grows up, causing one to be dependent on others because of "overindulgence" or "lack of love" during early childhood.
Children who are coddled grow up wanting others to help them with everything, living in a hothouse as children, and often failing to adapt when they have to face society alone as adults.
Children who grow up without love, are not immature, but mature too early, at the age of five or six years old know how to understand the pain and difficulties of adults, from childhood very understanding, but deep down they are eager to be cared for when they grow up, they still like to give, in return for love, easy to get lost, insecure.
We want to be ourselves and become confident sunny people, but unfortunately, the lack of love in our early years is irreparable to our life. The kind of person who exudes a confident self from every pore is not learned, we can only try our best to adapt to our personality on the one hand and get rid of the weaknesses in our personality on the other.
What is Dependent Personality Disorder? How to change the dependent personality?
1. Moderate dependency can bring us closer together
Dependent people are more dedicated to their relationships, even though they are often the ones most likely to get hurt, so couples who are dependent on each other are more likely to grow old together.
Nowadays, the media likes to advocate independence, but sometimes people who are too independent seem to have a thin human touch. If you like to depend on others, it's not exactly a bad thing, says American psychologist Bernstein in his book "Relationships": moderate dependence is a secure attachment relationship that can bring people closer together, over-dependence can make people feel anxious and insecure, and avoiding dependence can make people cold.
So keeping dependence within a certain safe range is a sublimation of emotions between people. Master this degree to have a life of your own and deepen your feelings of dependence.
2. Find yourself and get rid of excessive emotional dependence
Some people are prone to emotional anxiety when dealing with relationship problems, such as a friend of mine, her energy is always on her boyfriend, and pays a lot for him, sometimes her boyfriend left for some time without responding to her messages in time, and she showed anxiety, frantically calling and texting, because of over-dependence, their love eventually came to an end. His boyfriend said, not do not love her, just that she get along very tired.
The heart knows very much love each other, do not want to hurt each other, and put it all down to care about each other, but cares about their loss of security. So it is said that overly dependent people always think too much and are too possessive.
I think, first of all, we can not take love so seriously, love is not the whole life, we also have to have work, hobbies, family, and friends, to love the remaining space, and to breathe over. The second thing is to take yourself seriously, you are the heart of your parents, but in front of others so humble, so ashamed of your parents.
The relationship needs to be dependent, more need to be relaxed and happy, people should be spontaneous some, is your do not have to stay, not your stay can not keep reserved, to keep the noble.
3. self-confidence comes from the accumulation of success time and again
Make a handbook for yourself, to record your strengths and weaknesses in the mouth of others, behind the record of each time you succeed in the case, the things that you think are rewarding, gain growth things to record, and constantly remind yourself to find self-confidence.
When you start to try to find your strengths, rely on your own to solve some of the problems of the moment, to gain growth, when a person knows that they are not useless, using their strengths to deal with trivial matters, the sense of dependence on others will be significantly reduced, and will not put the future on others, self-confidence is not spoken, it is a case of success, engraved in the heart.
4. learn to be an "evil person"
Psychology shows that most people with dependent personalities are introverted, try to avoid conflict with others, and like to obey the wishes of others.
The meekness of personality, not good at refusal, is worried about hurting others, ultimately, the dependent personality is too soft and sensitive.
You can learn to be a little more ruthless. In this weak society where the strongest people always have the upper hand and the kindest and meekest people are treated as the "good old boys", there is nothing wrong with fighting for your interests and not letting yourself be aggrieved.
Do not worry about rejecting others will lead to poor relations, do not like to do things do not condemn yourself to comply with others, we are not the Virgin Mary, adhere to our position is our dignity to survive in the world, and not ashamed to do a "villain", you can feel free.
5. find the right circle and career for yourself
There is a very real problem in money and relationships, I will never morally tell you to stand on your own feet, change yourself, adapt to society, and strive to live.
For career-minded people, they are willing to be afraid of hardship and work hard, but this does not mean that everyone likes to struggle and can endure the boss's count and 996 lifestyles. For people with dependent personalities, they like to ask for help when they encounter problems, but it is difficult to adapt to dealing with people, so they can choose some quiet jobs, such as editing, research, teaching, and file management ...... these professional circles are relatively simple and comfortable, do not be blinded by social success, do not feel inferior because they do not earn big money, everyone has their way of living, find the right circle for themselves is more important.
6. Live peacefully with loneliness
Eat alone, travel alone, watch movies alone ...... Are these unbearable or freedom for you?
Many times we do not like to do something alone, afraid of loneliness, but the reality is that it is difficult to have people you like around you at all times, loneliness is a constant, so it is better to live with it peacefully.
People who enjoy solitude have their little world, they are addicted to reading, painting, photography, and catching up on dramas ...... It can be seen that people with a wide range of hobbies are often happy to be alone and can live a fulfilling life even if they are alone.
Cultivate your hobbies, and build your spiritual world, sometimes out from the crowd to accompany yourself, sometimes walking with others, in short, you should learn to fill up inside and cultivate solitude.
7. Use your way to vent stress
Dependent personalities are introverted and insecure, and what they like is often quiet activities, which may lead to mental depression due to lack of exercise. Can not be held in a small space alone, long-term will lead to depression, and stress is inevitable, and you need to find your favorite way to relieve stress.