How purpose, not meetings, steer us toward sobriety

An earlier version of this article appeared on News Break.

I took my first sip of alcohol in 1984 at the age of 14. Off and on, I drank heavily for 30 years.

It shocked a lot of people when I quit drinking. I was the biggest drunk at the bar.

I still don’t drink.

Giving up alcohol for me came about because I suddenly had purpose.

A job writing about health topics others wouldn’t touch.

A sick dad I had to be sober enough to care for.

Maybe you made a New Year’s resolution to quit drinking. Read on to find out what may motivate you to stay sober.

Research explains how I became sober

I got wind of some groundbreaking research in the Journal of Social Service Research titled “Attachment Style, Spirituality, and Depressive Symptoms Among Individuals in Substance Abuse Treatment.”

Naelys Diaz, associate professor in the School of Social Work at Florida Atlantic University, and colleagues studied a group of 77 people receiving substance abuse treatment at Behavioral Health of the Palm Beaches in Florida.

They found those who reported having meaning in their life were less likely to suffer from depressive symptoms than those who reported a perceived “closeness to God,” otherwise known as “a higher power” in 12-step programs.

People who report secure attachment styles – people with positive views of both themselves and others – long have been known to be at a lesser risk of depression. They are more likely to form trusting, intimate, emotional bonds with other people.

The realities of insecure attachment styles

But it is people with insecure attachment styles who are more at risk for substance abuse. The key to success in sobriety for them is managing depression that leads to relapse.

People with insecure attachment styles fall into three subcategories:

1. Preoccupied. These people have a negative view of self, but a positive view of others. Their insecurity stems from feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, and fear of abandonment.

I’ve been in this terrible place. It’s not a good place to be if you want to make good choices about who you hang out with.

Avoid forming relationships with just anyone who will pay you some attention, especially when they don’t have your best interests in mind.

2. Dismissive. People with dismissive styles are likely to have a positive view of self, but often a negative view of others.

3. Fearful. People with fearful styles have negative views of both themselves and others. Their lack of self-worth coupled with expectations of abandonment interfere with the development of healthy, intimate relationships.

Why meaningful lives are critical in sobriety

If meaning in life is more important to the success of those battling depression (which often leads to relapse), why all the focus on God and a higher power?

“People need to find security in terms of their relationships,” Diaz said. “If they don’t find it with their relatives, they’re going to look for that sense of safety and community elsewhere.

“For people with an insecure attachment style, a relationship to God is the next best thing.”

The problem is this: If the perceived relationship with God or a “higher power” isn’t strong enough, it won’t ward off the depression that likely will lead to relapse.

When I became sober, I had more meaning in life than I ever had. I felt good about my health reporting for several national websites. I felt good about visiting dad twice a day at the memory care home.

In 12-step groups, they describe satisfaction from helping others as “service work.” It may come in the form of volunteering at a nursing home or a school, for example.

Writing puts journalist in a good mood

The writing process for me is a form of creative expression. The feeling I get from writing definitely is a rush – a fix, if you will. Others enjoy such creative benefits by cooking, gardening, or building things.

Living by myself, in my own home in a quiet neighborhood, working in solitude, gave me a feeling of peace and calmness I never had the opportunity to experience.

I live in a rowdy apartment building now. But I am writing again about topics I care about. I generally feel good about life. I am happy writing all day in my tiny room.

Diaz also wrote a paper with colleague Gail Horton outlining how service to others, moments of solitude and creative activities can help people find meaning in life. They call this model the “three-leg stool.”

‘AA works for many, many people’

“AA works for many, many people,” Diaz stressed. “But some people have no relationship with God, or their relationship with God is hurting them at this point in time and needs to be addressed in treatment.

“In those cases (the relationship with God) can be more connected to the symptoms.”

Diaz said treatment centers need to work harder to foster creative activities (painting, drawing, writing, dancing, gardening), solitude (praying, meditating, walking a labyrinth) and service to others.

Is it really a surprise that people who have meaning in their life are less likely to be engulfed by drugs and alcohol?

For many people, sobriety needs to be about more than meetings.