How My Life Changed in One Night

My entire life shifted dramatically in one single night. In one single night, I lost all hope and fell into a deep depression, gaining only post-traumatic stress disorder, which also was not ideal.

The day started like any other, texting my friends before leaving the house for school. Upon arriving at school, I met up with some friends before making my way to class, all was normal. After leaving my second-period class, I checked my phone to find an especially long text from my best friend. It was a rather depressing text, upon which I tried my hardest to cheer him up and it seemed to be working so I proceeded to my next class. Still texting him, we talked whenever possible, like usual; we were constantly texting and calling each other. When the seventh-period class came around, he moved to sit next to me as he always did, and we talked. We even wrote a note to talk more, of course still paying attention to class, about what was on his mind that spawned the aforementioned text. After the class was over, we walked together to the front of our school, hugged, and said our goodbyes. Little did I know, that would be the last conversation I would have with my best friend, the last hug, and the last time I would ever see him. If I had known that, I would have stayed longer, not let him leave, and talk to him more.

That night he sent me another text about how he was feeling, and it was not a happy one. My best friend was struggling with a depression that did not seem to be going away anytime soon. I tried my hardest to console him but to no avail. He was set on ending his suffering, no matter the cost that would bring. I kept telling him how much I cared about him and wanted to help him, but ultimately I did not know how to do that. We spent hours texting back and forth, all the while trying to keep my best friend here. I did not think I would be able to do anything without him at my side, as we made each other stronger and gave each other the courage to do what we needed to do. We even had cute nicknames for each other, memories I will never forget, as well as secrets I will take to my grave in order to honor him. That night, I was going to meet my mother for dinner. The whole time she was driving that way, I spent in the living room texting my best friend. I remember telling him that pulling the trigger was not the way to end his suffering. I remember him trying to explain to me why he thought it was worth it, and why he thought it would help, but I could not disagree less. I remember the last thing I said before he did was "I love you."

Right before I sent that text, I told my friend to call the police to his house to make sure he was okay, that way I could try to keep in contact with him. When my friend got back to me, he said the police were already aware of the situation and had police en route to my best friend's house. After sending that last text, he stopped answering and my heart dropped. I broke right there. I was crying uncontrollably, yet I hoped he just got busy or his phone died. That was not the case. By the time I got to school the next day, the whole school had been informed of his death. I spent two days out of school, could no longer be in the classroom we shared a period in, and had to get major counseling. I was informed I had PTSD during a hospital stay shortly after. My entire life had crumbled to shatters. I had lost the person most important to me and wished I could just go back in time and change so many things to keep him here with me. Unfortunately, I knew that would never be a possibility. My best friend came to me in his last moments and it appeared to me that I had greatly failed him when he needed me most. It has almost been two years now, and I still miss him every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and the memories we shared and what I would give to relive those moments.