how I died and brought myself back mentally

My whole life I’ve been struggling with so much from age five I’ve been dealing with such panic and anxiety, plus PTSD at such a young age.

I always had this built up anger that made me feel like I was completely alone.

When in all honesty I was never alone but for some time it felt that way.

I struggled with school and friends and relationships because of the relationship with my self I had let this anxiety and depression take over to a point I thought I had no return.

And that’s something that’s so scary to feel like not feeling anymore or feeling numb.

And this lasted for so many years! It felt like a never ending story Where the person never gets better. And they just hide away till they fade away. I’ve had multiple suicide attempts

Because I felt alone and like I was a burden when like I said that was not true. I was ever a burden or alone I just had to speak up and ask for help no matter how hard that was. And it took a lot for people to listen as well, It was not easy.

It took a lot of courage and people by my side to semi recover from all this darkness and the pushing people away.

It took power and strength to recognize and recover from the harm I’ve already done too myself. Not physical but emotionally, I know I emotionally abused myself telling my self I would never be good enough I would never be loved or be happy when what I should have been saying is you’ve got these things will work out. And you are good enough, and I wish at those times I also listened to what people said to me not the bad but the good.

My mother she would say you are so talented and a good person, and you mean so much to me. But In my head I was thinking she’s my

Mom she has to say those things, or I lived in a constant fear she would leave me abandoned me like my father.

I also believe my father had a great impact on my life even when not around. But that a story for another time.

All along I should have listened and really focused on that like hey me I am a good person I am talented but never could say it aloud.

That’s very unfortunate, and I hope that this helps someone in someway.

Even after years of medications and therapy and special doctors, I felt like I had no identity.

Besides this diagnosis. And I have been working so hard to be the person I know I can be, the person who might have a bad day but recovers and works through it.

It took so much effort on my part. I can gladly say I am currently off almost all those medications, and I am doing so well. I am so proud of my self for working hard and to recognize that I’m better than I was. And I am making progress. And I’ve dug myself out of the deep hole that depression and anxiety and somewhat me made. I am thriving and feeling good. So that’s how I came back from the “dead” so to speak.

Thank you! If you read all the way, thank you. And I hope you are having a bad living your best life!