Growing Up in An Abusive Household
What It Was Like And How I Got Help
This isn't easy for me to talk about. But I feel like I must share my story with others especially since I just turned 28. For the longest time, I didn't discuss being raised in an abusive household. It distorted my outlook on life for the longest time. First, let's talk about my early childhood. My mother and father never married. As mentioned in another article, I am the product of an interracial relationship. My parents were only together for five years between 1991 and 1996. Their relationship ended when I was only four years old. The worst 14 years of my life were spent living with my mother. From 1996 until 2010, I didn't know how to speak out about the abuse that happened while living with my mother. Eventually, I found my voice and sought help.
Growing up, I felt different but it wasn't because I was mixed race. It had to do with my disability and how I couldn't keep the holidays like other kids at school. My family also couldn't eat any unclean meats such as pork or shellfish or any animal that didn't divide from the hoof. My mother raised me, my sister and some of my cousins in beliefs from the Worldwide Church of God. For those unfamiliar with them, it was a doomsday cult by Herbert Armstrong. This rotten cult leader eventually died at a ripe old age of 93 in 1986. Yeah, I had some friends growing up. Despite not speaking to them in years, I still think highly of these people. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which is atypical Autism and ADHD as a kid. I had to take Ritalin because of this. I was placed in special education classes from Pre-K until 7th grade. However, I wasn't really teased for being in Special Ed classes until I entered 6th grade. While I was bullied and called names like retard from middle to high school, it was nothing compared to what was going on at home.
My home life was a train wreck at times. I had some good times. But I had a lot of bad times as well. Within a year, my mother's marriage to my ex-stepdad began to crumble. I remember the vicious fights and arguments as early as 1997. Sometimes the police were called. One time, my ex-stepfather was hauled off to jail for about a month after assaulting my mother, my sister and cousin. Between the ages of 5 and 11 1/2, I was molested by both my maternal half-sister and my ex-stepdad. When I was going on 10, one of my cousins attempted to touch me. I resisted and he eventually stopped. For years, I had a distorted view on what happened to me. Subconsciously, I may have known the sexual abuse was wrong. However, I didn't realize I was molested until I became a teenager. I didn't tell my mother about my ex-stepfather until I was 17. By then, I had realized what my maternal half-sister did too. It was definitely a grey area. I thought my mother would try to kill her if I told her about our dark secret. Back then, I still cared for my maternal half sister. I didn't get the courage to speak out about her until she cut off contact with me through Facebook. This was in 2015.
My mother's family may have a history of incest. I'm not really sure. At this point, I don't want to know. Since confessing my dark secret about my half sister, I went to therapy for three years. During this time, I also mentioned that my mother's boyfriend touched me too. In many sessions, I discussed how the incest between me and my half-sister affected me over the years. I mentioned a lot about how my mother was abusive and neglectful towards us. She couldn't keep a job for one reason or another. Her degree in accounting didn't help much either. Since going to therapy, I realized the sexual abuse I endured wasn't my fault. Unfortunately, this happened to a lot of people when they were children. Many blame themselves. With my half-sister, it's possible someone may have touched her first. I thought it was a family member, but I'm not sure. It could've been an older child. I also learned that despite what happened to me as a child I can still achieve great things in life. Some days are rough because I'm also estranged from my mother's family. However, I know I can make it through. I no longer feel hopeless because of the abuse that happened in my childhood. There is hope. I know that I have to move on and in many ways I have. I still feel that I can achieve great things.
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