Embracing the Beauty of Sixes

When I noticed I had submitted six haiku to the Blue Haiku challenge, the familiar anxiety I feel for the number started to creep in. Immediately, I tried to think of ideas for another haiku I could hastily write and submit. Nothing of quality came to mind.

Though I’ve never been formally diagnosed, I’ve had a strong suspicion that I have obsessive compulsive disorder since I first learned about it in my adolescent years. The story on TV about the girl who would wash her hair over and over in the shower seemed eerily familiar. The more I’ve learned about OCD as I’ve gotten older, the more I realized this is almost definitely a disorder that plagues my mind. I’ve found little ways to ease the anxiety and deal with things that make me uncomfortable. Thankfully, most of the time the answer is a little repeated “prayer” I can say in my head, while the people around me are none the wiser. It might take ten times or more, but eventually this ritual will start to ease whatever intrusive thought triggered me.

I won’t subject you to all the things that trigger me; this article is about the number six.

Six wasn’t always my enemy. In fact, my issues with certain numbers are a more recent development. How loud I have the volume of my radio, how much money I spend on gas, what speed I set my cruise control on. All these things have started to bother me in the last few years.

Which leads me to the Blue Haiku challenge. There I was with six submitted poems, desperately trying to come up with 17 syllables about the sky, the ocean, a blue-ringed octopus, anything! Alas, my creativity failed me.

Not for the first time, I tried to tame my OCD with logic. My whole aversion to the number undoubtedly comes from my religious upbringing, which no longer applies to my beliefs about the world. I even read a book about numerology once. Apparently, odd numbers are considered masculine numbers, while even numbers are considered feminine. What’s more, odd numbers are associated with good, positive traits, and – big surprise! –even numbers are associated with evil, negative traits. The feminist in me longs to reject this ancient, misogynistic foolishness.

To my dismay, logic and OCD go together like orange juice and toothpaste.

So, where do I go from here? Do I try to enter another poem I’m not satisfied with, just to subdue my discomfort?

No, I decided to take another approach.

Instead, I’ve tried to look at sixes from a different angle. I love the number three; isn’t six just a couple of threes? Perfectly symmetrical, all lined up. Just two threes, side by side.

My mother is my favorite person in the world. She was born in June – the sixth month of the year.

Saturn is the sixth planet from the sun, and it’s unarguably the coolest planted in the solar system, right? I mean, it has those magnificent rings!

Fridays are the (second) best day of the week; they are also the sixth.

I try to think of beautiful examples of sixes throughout the day, and it helps a little.

Still, my opposition to the number is deep-rooted, and I don’t expect it to ever go away completely. However, the more I try to think of pleasant things I can associate with the number six, the more I am able to ease the anxiety goblin that pounds on my brain when the number comes up. The point is that I’m trying.

I’m trying not to let these silly triggers control my life.

And if this article means I’ve bumped my number of stories on Vocal up from six to seven… Well, who’s counting?