Eight

THE CHAALLENGER: Powerful and Dominating. Self-confident, decisive - willful and confrontational

I’ve got this. I promised I would long ago. In this world, what I’ve learned to trust the most is my own two feet. I’m not afraid to admit where I stand. I’m not afraid to walk or even charge forward and the footprints I leave behind will be a testament to my determination. They will construct the path that others will walk. Watch. I will cross this bridge and conquer every mountain that stands in front of me and you. I can even take you with me. With me as your guide we will ascend this hill together. Follow me, follow my two feet, and I’ll prove that you can rely on me too. If you struggle or feel faint along the way, do not worry. I will carry you the rest of the way. I’m strong enough. The childhood dreams I’ve forcefully given form to will protect us both. They have to.

You can even challenge me if you want. I’m not afraid of your accusations. However, I must warn you: I can create more courage than what I actually possess. I’ve been wearing this gilded armor for a very long time and have long since grown comfortable with the weight. You can challenge me, but I’ll fight. I’ll fight till my very last breath and then some. I won’t run. I can’t afford to give in. I’ll reject your reality with iron fists until I’m appeased. My childhood fears will never be unveiled. That’s a truth that will always stand. I’ll make sure of it. I have to.

Because I promised myself that I would grow strong enough to protect everything. I’ll protect you. I’ll protect your world. I’ll protect it all. I’ll even protect me. I’ll hold on to my sword so tightly that one might even mistake it for fear. But I won’t let you see that. Instead, I’ll stand right on the front lines with fictitious courage, but a battle cried promise that I won’t lose anything ever again. My childhood swore that long ago.

But your challenge did not come in the form of clanging swords and raging fists as I had dutifully prepared for. Instead, you quietly stared at me from an uncomfortably close distance with longing yet vulnerable eyes. You stood scared but desperate while searching the depths of my soul for traces of my human side, my weak side. I gritted my teeth painfully at the blatant display of ignorance you regarded my many shields with, but still faithfully stood my ground. I refuse to back down from any fight no matter the form. I won’t let you in. I can’t let you in. I swore never again. I won’t let you see what I desperately tucked behind this locked door. I absolutely refuse to take off this heavy armor in the midst of a fight. Never again. I’m way too strong and dependable to allow my walls to crack.

I won’t be rejected. I won’t be forgotten. I won’t be abandoned. I won’t submit. I refuse.

My hands may be shaking but they’re clenched in fists. My breath may be wavering, but my words will sound the same. My heart may be breaking but my mind will make up the difference. My fears may be raging but my determination will mask it out. My loneliness may be stronger than me, but I’ll learn to fight that to. My losses may be accumulating in the aftermath, but I won’t betray my faith on where I stand. It’s all I have left to defend. In the end I know, I’m way too scared and vulnerable to allow my walls to crack.

So, rely on me. Depend on me so much that I’ll have enough excuse and justification to rely on myself. I must be strong. I’ll convince my soul that I’ve never known pain if I have to. I’ll defend the weak and pitiful. I’ll protect the abused and forgotten. I’ll fight for the innocent and the lost. I’ll stand up for them all. I’ll be brave and courageous and somehow learn to personify all my greatest ideals. I’ll be who I want to be. I’ll make it happen. You can trust that part of me. I promise that I’ll conquer giants just for you. Just so you can trust me. If at the end of the day you can honestly say that you believe in me, then that… that would be my greatest strength.