Do You Ever Feel Guilty for Having a Good Life?

Do you ever feel like you don't really deserve all of the good things that life throws your way? It doesn't matter if you lived a hard life and was able to overcome obstacles, and you're entitled to finally have a little peace.

No matter how grateful you are, or how much you do to show it; somehow, it's just never enough to make you feel worthy.

Well consider this. Could it possibly be that:

Because of the terrible things that you managed to live through, but other's didn't survive, you may be experiencing survivor's guilt.

Notice what is brought out in the following information and then see what you think. You just might be surprised, like I was.

What is Survivor's Guilt?

The way I described survivor's guilt in the above paragraph is not a textbook definition. That was my definition, based on what I sometimes find myself feeling.

After I explain exactly what I'm talking about, some readers may discover that they occasionally feel the same way. So let's start with what survivor's guilt is, or at least what I mean by it in this particular story.

Medical professionals acknowledge a condition known as survivor's guilt. They describe it as extreme feelings of guilt, felt by people who survive a life-threatening situation, although others don't.

More recently, with the condition being more common than before, and the direct result of traumatic events, medical experts identify this condition as a symptom of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In the truest sense of the definition, survivor's guilt is typically connected to life and death situations.

What I'm writing about is in no way meant to diminish or minimize what people who life through life or death traumas go through.

This story is merely meant to make a comparison to this serious condition, as it relates to other avenues in life. Surviving abuse, surviving poverty, surviving a medical condition, etc.

Those are also serious situations that can sometimes create the same type of guilty feelings in those who manage to escape, while others may end up left behind. It is those type of survival situations that I'm referencing and focusing on right now.

For instance:

I was a product of the foster care system, and it wasn't one of those fairy tale, loving family type of situations. Somehow, I managed to make it through all the negative crap and setbacks in life that are typical for people who grow up like I did.

But I had a foster sister who had a similar childhood as mine. She also lived a hard life afterwards, but didn't fare as well as I did. In fact, she hit rock bottom and was never able to get up.

From time to time, I still think of her, and I wonder why I made it and she didn't. I feel guilty, even though I don't know why. It's not like it was my fault that she had such a difficult time in life, but I still feel guilty.

That same sense of guilt was present with me not long ago, when I tried to take an in town vacation at a nearby beach hotel. Instead of feeling good about getting away to relax, I ended up feeling just the opposite, as I sadly witnessed homeless encampments at the beach, all along the boardwalk.

I expressed that guilt as a shameless feeling of privilege when I wrote a story titled: Homeless or Unhoused They're Still Sleeping on the Streets!

Among the homeless, I saw glimpses of the same type of life of poverty that I came from as a child, as well as the crime and violence I was exposed to later as a young adult. The 23 year old young lady I talked to and took a photo of could have easily been me at that age.

I know it wasn't me out there on the sidewalk, living under a tarp, but years ago, it could have been. Nothing I could do, say, or give the young woman, helped to ease the guilt I felt. It was still there, and I didn't know why.

Here's what it feels like:

• A feeling of not being deserving or worthy to…
• A feeling of why do I get to have…when others don't?
• A feeling of how can I dare have the nerve to enjoy what I have?

Final Thoughts

This feeling tends to grab me from time to time and refuse to let go for at least a few days. But one thing that truly helps me, is my having come to understand human behavior.

Humanity tends to always focus on self, and even though this isn't always a good thing, it's not always a bad thing either. So during these times, I end up turning my thoughts inward, and I think long and hard about my life.

As I really ponder over the blessings and good fortune that I now have, I try to stop questioning the reasons and the why. Instead, I make myself focus on the gratitude I feel for the good things in my life. Then, I begin to feel better as I flip things and turn my thoughts around.

It helps when you think about your life and how fortunate you are, even when you don't feel like you're deserving.

If you find yourself having feelings of survivor guilt over some situation, it won't do you any good to keep focusing on the why.

You should stop and consider the fact that by not fully embracing your survival, you actually do an injustice to those who didn't make it.

Realize that you may never fully understand why you survived, when others didn't, regardless of what the survival situation was.

Remember that second guessing your worthiness to have survived is not really showing the proper appreciation and gratitude.

Instead, do some research, and look for ways to use the time you were given, in a productive way.

If you can do something to reach out to others who may still need help, and offer offer your support somehow, do it. Your time and energy is spent much better this way, than feeling bad about the things you've been fortunate to have survived.

******************************************************

FOLLOW JUSTISS GOODE FOR MORE SELF AWARENESS, ADVICE AND HUMAN BEHAVIOR STORIES TO HELP IMPROVE YOUR PSYCHE - Enjoy a little bit of Justiss every day :-)