Disorder or Superpower? Thriving in an overwhelming world.

Have you read headlines or heard how ‘the media today is so graphic, that we are all becoming desensitized?’ Video games, movies, the news, television - it’s all media and it’s all been accused of desensitizing humankind in one way or another. There are articles everywhere it seems, every now and again, deeming this to be fact.

Maybe accused is the wrong word, though - because it makes sense that this happens, if you think about it. By definition, in psychology, desensitization is a treatment or process that diminishes emotional responsiveness to a negative, aversive or positive stimulus after repeated exposure to it. We see these horrific stories on the news, or plastered all over social media, over and over. It’s as if, by design, desensitization is our brain’s way of protecting us. Could you imagine having a high emotional response to every negative news story you came across in a day? How that would feel in your mind - never mind the physical effects it could have on your body? Well… I can imagine it - or, rather - I live it.

There are many terms & labels thrown around for how I perceive and intake the world around me - empath, highly sensitive person (HSP), etc. I’ve never been one for labels, so I don’t tend to outwardly self-identify with either of these descriptions - but for simplicity’s sake, they are quite fitting.

I am not desensitized. I am sensitive.

It took me a long time to realize this about myself. I’ve grown up as this being my reality and my experience, so I naturally assumed everyone felt this way. I always thought my distaste to for watching the evening news was because growing up, my sister and I were forced to watch it. Let me elaborate on forced, as it’s somewhat of an exaggeration in the literal sense of the word: if we were in the living room, where our one family TV was, between 6pm and 7pm on a weekday, it was on. It was on before school. And once again before bed. Naturally, the evening news lined up with a traditional dinner time, and the TV was always on, so there wasn’t much choice. Even if we were eating at the dining room table, facing away from the TV, the newscasters teleprompted stories was our ‘dinner music’. It’s really not much different now, come to think of it - if I’m at my childhood home on weekday, just like any other tradition, the news is on at 6pm (followed by Wheel of Fortune and then Jeopardy; which I much prefer).

But, unlike my family, who’s emotions didn’t seem to be reeling for hours afterwards, my reactions seemed much stronger. This isn’t to say they are uncaring or not empathetic towards the tragedies that desensitize us over time, because it’s quite the opposite. My sister, in particular, will show strong emotions, like anger, towards injustices; and uses her knowledge to make impactful changes in her own life, or to educate others. But she inherently knows, and doesn’t seem to need to remind herself, that saving the world isn’t all her responsibility, on her own.

This seems maybe like a common sense declaration - I would wager that most people on this planet Earth know they can’t single-handedly solve all of the atrocities of the world. I’ll guess you may be one of these individuals. And that makes sense! Your logic is sound and your brain seems to be working rationally to protect your heart.

My observer-self knows this logic - that I can’t do it all on my own, that it’s not just my responsibility… but my ability to feel things a bit more deeply is hard to just ‘turn off’. And my observer-self isn’t always driving this human suit of mine, and the brain that rests inside. The injustices and anti-humanitarian acts in particular have a lasting and deep impact on me. Women’s rights, 2SLGBTQIA+ rights, BIPOC rights - ALL human rights feel like they’re not only my individual fight - but also that I can and am supposed to solve all of them; on my own. Within this lifetime. If you hadn’t already guessed, it’s a tiring lifestyle sometimes.

On top of this, through the latter half of my 20’s and a couple years into my early 30’s, I also worked in a corporate, competitive, sales environment; climbed the proverbial corporate ladder and dedicated more of myself than I ever had to give. I emptied my cup, over and over before refilling it. Ultimately leading to burnout, and subsequently devouring every text I could on my sensitive-self, explained in words I could never seem to find, to help me understand that I am not alone.

Learning and understanding more about how I feel the world differently than a lot of individuals has been an eye-opening experience and a time of self-development. It’s allowed me to be more vulnerable and lean in - as I now see this deep empathy and in-tune-ness with other’s emotions as somewhat of a super power. This coming from someone who so deeply didn’t understand that feeling was okay, and natural; and someone who was scared by how much they felt things, that she turned off her emotions (outwardly, at least) in her prepubescent and early years of puberty. I was the friend who bragged about not crying at sad movies, the same ones that left all of my girlfriends bawling. Wanting Needing to be perceived as strong. Or, what I incorrectly perceived as strong, based on countless influences that portrayed feelings as weak. Also as a feminist from an early age, wanting to outwardly fight against the bias that girls = weak - I would have been damned to be labeled as such, and made sure everyone knew it.

This highly sensitive nature of mine gives me drive and makes me just crazy enough to think that I can change the world. And you know how the saying goes right? “Those who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.” And I know I can.

It still gets tiring, I am still learning to harness this power; still learning to set boundaries and ground myself when I need to, (before I need to would be an even better lesson to learn). I’m also still learning to remind myself that I cannot, and do not have to, do it alone. There are so many passionate people in this world - arguably everyone - everyone’s got to love or have a passion for something, right? There are so many who are passionate to seek change.

I’m ready to find my community of people who I will work with to start to change the world. Perhaps even as a leader… I will manifest the idea and some details and let other experts enact the change, while I continue forging forward to make more of a difference. It's possible that I've already found some of them and the rest of the plan is in the works.

Perhaps that sounds conceded, or too much of a "reaching to the stars" kind of dream to you, maybe not. Maybe you resonate with this all, perhaps just some of what I've shared, or possibly none. But I hope after reading this, it’s given you a different perspective; or if nothing else, made you question yourself: How deeply do you feel the world?