Did You Try Soda Crackers and Ginger? My Struggle with HG

"Did you try ginger to calm your stomach?" is a suggestion I received continuously throughout the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy. Ask any pregnant woman who has suffered through Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) this question and you may be met with a bit of attitude or maybe even a sarcastic comment or laughter. We aren't trying to be rude and we are truly grateful for the caring advice. It's just that our condition is so misunderstood by others that we feel like we are constantly and consistently trying to explain that it's "not just bad morning sickness." Furthermore, because it is so misunderstood by others, we are forced to always be on the defense and explaining how we aren't just being a baby. We don't need to just "suck it up" and accept it as a normal part of pregnancy. It's actually a very frightening condition that often requires medication and even sometimes hospitalization in order to see us through our pregnancies safely and successfully.

When I started feeling sick and in pain very early on in my pregnancy (prior to being within the recommended time frame to even take a pregnancy test) I thought that this was just another instance of my body not cooperating with me and giving me more aches and pains than what is expected for the average pregnant woman. I was not, however, prepared to deal with a diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

I first started to suspect something was not right when I was unable to keep down even the smallest sip of water or the tiniest nibble of food. I became very dehydrated, unable to properly breathe and had an extreme aversion to the smell of literally anything (good or bad). My stomach was extremely empty for days and yet I was still violently dry heaving despite not putting anything into my body. Out of concern for my unborn child, my husband and I finally decided that I should go to the hospital to get some help.

The hospital we visited gave me IV fluids and some Gravol. I remember initially being very concerned about the medication I was receiving. Weren't you supposed to pretty much avoid any medication in pregnancy at all costs? Still, I welcomed the temporary relief that the IV Gravol drip provided and after receiving an ultrasound to confirm I was not carrying twins (which could have explained my extreme sickness) I was headed back home. Slowly over the next few hours I could feel the relief I had received in hospital subsiding and the familiar feeling of nausea began to creep back in.

It was about this time that a whole bunch of opinions started to roll in. Everything from what I should be eating to even comments like "You just have to suck it up and get through it. Everyone is nauseous in pregnancy." These opinions were unhelpful and hurtful as I found myself spending my days on my bathroom floor gasping for breath due to dehydration.

Over the next few weeks I would visit the hospital to receive fluids multiple times. By this point I had lost 20 pounds and had barely been able to eat or drink a single thing in weeks. I was discharged from the hospital every time with a long list of food and beverages to try and usually a prescription for some sort of anti-nausea medication with a long list of scary side effects. I am sure some of these medications could have helped me, but here's the thing: from the moment I found out I was pregnant I was inundated with the do's and don'ts of pregnancy. This was either from my own personal reading or from friends, family members or strangers. Anyone who has been pregnant before knows the stigma of taking medication while pregnant and that you will often receive a lot of unsolicited advice on the subject. Most women will avoid taking even a Tylenol, no matter how much they may need it, in order to protect their baby. Therefore, every time I left the hospital with a prescription, I would stare at the pill bottle for a time and contemplate if taking a pill would be worth it. Would I want my baby to have a birth defect or worse? No, I will just continue to try the ginger ale...

I suffered for 11 weeks with endless nausea and vomiting, hardly eating or drinking while making frequent visits to the hospital to get help until I was finally diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum and Gestational Hyperthyroidism and was admitted to hospital for a week. I was given IV fluids and a variety of medications. I was so nervous and yet at the same time thankful for the medication. I cannot begin to tell you how amazing it was to be able to have my appetite back and eat something. How rewarding it was to feel like I was a good mother who could provide food to her baby. But the anxiety of all the medication I was taking was always looming in the back of my mind. What would my baby turn out to be? Why couldn't I just get through this like everyone else? After all vomiting in pregnancy is common right? Still, I found myself on many occasions draped over the toilet bowl sobbing hyperventilating apologies to my unborn baby as I failed for the 13th or 14th time that day to keep down even a sip of water.

Finally one doctor explained it to me best. She told me the Hyperemesis Gravidarum was not typical pregnancy sickness and can effect as little as 1-2% of pregnancies only. Some women who have severe cases have it for the whole 9 months and even need picc lines or feeding tubes in order to keep them and their baby alive and nourished throughout the pregnancy. She gave me a stern talking to and let me know that taking medication but being able to keep down water and food was way less risky than not eating and drinking just because I wanted to avoid any medication. Finally after 12 weeks of hell, I relented and started an alternating schedule of Gravol and anti-heartburn medication.

Every time I swallowed a pill, despite my justified reasons, I felt so much "Mom Guilt." Was I being selfish by taking medication to make me feel better when it could hurt my baby? Still, I stuck to doctors orders and I slowly but surely improved every day until my symptoms fully resolved at 20 weeks pregnant. I did, however, have to still stay on the anti-heartburn medication due to severe heartburn symptoms.

I'll never forget the first ultrasound I had of my son at 12 weeks. I was fully prepared to learn of some bad news. How could I have barely eaten and taken so much medication without it having some sort of effect on my child? However, when I saw him on the screen he was happy and very active. Even at one point he started waving as if to say "It's ok Mom, I'm doing just fine in here." It was the biggest relief and helped jump start me on a path to drowning out all the noise and opinions surrounding medication in pregnancy and go off of the expertise and advice of my doctors.

When I would explain my situation to others throughout my pregnancy, I felt like I always had to wear a pair of boxing gloves. I needed to be ready to defend myself and my reasoning for needing medication. But even though I knew in my heart that medication allowed me to feed and hydrate myself, I would still be greatly impacted by the questioning looks and differing opinions that would inevitably come. I felt like I constantly had to make a choice between me and my child. That in order to be a good mother or a responsible pregnant person I always had to choose baby first and myself second. It took until the birth of my child to really realize that when you make good decisions for yourself it is often also what is best for your child.

Despite barely eating for the first 12 weeks of his development and all the medications I had to take, my son hit all his milestones during his multiple ultrasounds and was born perfectly healthy. It is only through hindsight that I can really see how toxic the culture around being pregnant can really be. I made myself suffer over fear of stigma and the overwhelming amount of "do's and dont's" of being pregnant that I barely got to enjoy my pregnancy even on the days that I felt well. I always felt at a disadvantage and like I was always doing the wrong thing or making a grave decision if I decided to eat some potato chips rather than a stick of celery. But I think the biggest thing that people forget in all the excitement and concern for the baby is that the Mom is still a person too. I often found myself asking "what about me?" I am still me, just also trying to create and develop a child to bring into this world. But I still have feelings, emotions, aches and pains. But we are often made to feel like any pain or emotion with pregnancy is what we signed up for and if you do anything to help that (like take medication) that you are selfish and not putting baby first.

From the moment my son was born. I made the decision that I would make sure that I was taking care of myself so that I could properly take care of him. Everything I had feared would happen if I broke the "rules" of pregnancy never came to be. I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. I have now made the decision to drown out the noise and do what works best for me and my family. I suffered for weeks because I listened to all the noise and opinions and arguably could have put my son more at risk from doing so. If I have advice for anyone who is pregnant or planning to become pregnant it is to do your best to do what's right for your baby but also do what is best for you. Listen to the medical professionals not the random women on pregnancy message boards or your neighbour or that nosy woman on the bus who decided to offer unsolicited advice. At the end of the day you know your body and instinctually will know what is best for you and your baby. Take care of yourself and follow medical advice. You and your baby will be better for it.