Depression

Hi.

I want to write about how depressed I am feeling really. I honestly feel this is just abuse and torture and no reason for me to have to feel like this every day. It's not fair to me and I am really sick and tired of feeling like that. It is all caused by the supervisors at my workplace who made me feel like I can't be myself at work and I am sick and tired of it. No matter what they think, who I am and how I feel won't change. It's not even worth my while to have to feel all depressed every single day for this job because there are so many other jobs around that I can do. Just because I'm such a good worker, doesn't mean that they can be abusive towards me. Of course, they wouldn't think that they have done anything wrong or perhaps my way of dealing with what they thought of me was not good, which caused me to be seriously depressed. Either way, it has already caused me serious depression that I have to feel every single day of my life. It is a torture and a pain and I feel like I am in a really abusive relationship dealing with an alcoholic and drug addict.

I just feel that this is totally unfair to me. It is abusive and hurting my health and my emotions. I still don't think what they have said of me is right. I was just being myself and then they said that I am giving them pushbacks by not taking the answers given by them to me and asking more questions. My direct supervisor gave me a verbal warning even over it which caused them to switch my supervisors. But with my new supervisor, his one remark just stamped the serious depression on me that I had to deal with for months and now still!

I had other jobs before and no supervisors have said what they said to me before. Putting all things aside, I just don't like having to feel depressed like this. It affects my abilities to do well in anything. That's the reason why my call volume was low and I struggled each day over it and over feeling well. Before that incident happened, my call volume was really great. After that, it has gone down to just barely making it every single day.

I'm still struggling every day now just to feel well and normal. It's a pain and a torture because basically I was made to feel like I can't be myself at work. That's why I want to write about it because I'm feeling a lot of pain and torture now as if I'm living with an alcoholic or drug addict. What it is is it's emotional abuse or torture, for having to be someone that you are not. To have to feel like that due to a job is not worth it at all because it's really terrible to have to feel this way like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For those who don't know what depression is, that's what it is. Having to feel sad consistently for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week even when you don't want to feel that way. Some people can't stand it, so they took their lives.

At the end of the day, what matters is really how you feel and if you are happy or not and not what others think. They can think however they want, but they shouldn't be allowed to destroy your peace and happiness. Perhaps I should have stood my ground and not let them do that but I think that's not that easy because if they made you feel uncomfortable being yourself, how can you still feel fine being yourself? The other option is to quit but then I wouldn't get my unemployment benefits, so why should I quit, you know. So..