Day 25

Day 25

@i_am_sober_app have Milestone notifications that cheer you on with your sobriety.

I would be lost without mine and almost certainly resort to secret drinking because that what I used to do when I thought no one was watching. It was how I relaxed, and then how I functioned, and then it became an addiction.

I'm pleased to say the deep sleep is coming slowly but surely. I feel more rested than ever and I’m noticing improvements in my mood, increased patience, and energy; decreases in anxiety and I’ve actually noticed my skin glowing. Bizarre but brilliant!

Last night I studied then turned in. This has been a routine of audiobooks, candles, and a sleep mask.

Therein I noticed a problem – a flaw of mine that I easily suppressed with drink because drink kept my mind occupied. I have trouble focusing and constantly switch from one thing to another. I’m not necessarily bored, it more a case of: I want to know everything about everything. Now.

If you could ingest knowledge by eating books, I totally would.

I didn’t know what to read. This was not a case of having nothing to read – my bedroom is more of a bookstore than a sleeping quarters. I switched through three different audiobooks before settling on a new one I bought with my credits. As if my Audible library wasn’t full enough. It occurred to me last night, as I struggled to relax, that there hasn’t been a day in this journey where I haven’t been studying something.

Audiobook? On trauma; psychotherapy; infectious diseases.

Reading? On sobriety; counselling; PTSD; intelligence.

I’m reminding myself on this 25th day that – going forward – sobriety is changing my life, not controlling it. The same goes for my education and work. It’s ok to have a night off from the heavy stuff. So long as I don’t replace it with the OTHER heavy stuff.

Basically, I’m looking for the bedtime equivalent of a beach read. Suggestions welcome…

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Sobriety Playlist (Weekend Vibe)...

1. “I run from the liars, the fuel on the fire

I know I created myself” / Cure for Me by @auroramusic

2. “Wish I could let my brain

Decide and stop the pain

I keep heart-shaped glasses close to me

For when it rains” / Life in Pink by @katenash

3. “I'm at my worst when I'm alone

Can't take the peace

So my glass is always half empty

Someone fill it up for me

Set me free” / Everything to Feel Something by Lily Allen

4. “I do my best to meet her demands, play at romance, we slow dance

In the living room, but all that a stranger would see

Is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek” / Liability by @lorde

5. “Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?

And let all your damage damage me

And carry your baggage up my street

And make me your future history” / Renegade @bigredmachineadjv feat. @taylorswift

6. “Cut me deep

I can't get no sleep

Then I'm rolling by the river

Trying to get back on my feet” / River by @tomgre

7. “I ain't afraid though my steps appear tentative

I scope it out then I throw myself into it

I ain't ashamed in the fact that I'm sensitive

I believe that it is the perfect adjective” / Smile by @wolfaliceband

8. “So take aim and fire away

I've never been so wide awake

No, nobody but me can keep me safe

And I'm on my way” / On My Way by @sabrinacarpenter

9. “I've been overthinking all of my life

They'll ask me up in Heaven why I fell on my knife

All of my emotions, they're technically right

But I don't wanna go there and fuck up your night” / Do You Really Wanna Know by @seagirls

10. “I wish that I could fly

Into the sky

So very high

Just like a dragonfly” / Fly Away by @vellasings (@lennykravitz cover)