Not all is lost when the darkness sets in, nature has a way of creating a none contact shield from this burden maker. Walking through the woods by yourself or with people who care about you, breathing in the air, watching the stream and the birds tweeting. This allows you some freedom away from the stresses of modern life, here in the woods there is no hate, no judgement, no work, only freedom to do as you like and be who you want to be. The freedom to be yourself. Sadly, we all need to come back to modern stresses of life.
Bringing you back to my life, here I am still fourteen and unaware of the benefits that are out there to help me. This is a crucial part in my life, as at this point one sunny evening during a weekend, I decided to end it all. Yes, this was one of the lowest points in my life. The rope I had made tided to my bedroom door, the stress of life and the constant feeling that I will never amount to anything because, people like me never do right? Luck is something that happens to other people I always thought and to some degree this is true and still how I feel. Luckily, I came to my senses before it was too late and vowed from that day that I will never let people take control of my life again and make me feel like this ever again.
Things were never the same after this point, my grades slipped, I started to care less and less as time went on, becoming more selfish, arrogant and cold to almost everyone. By the time I was eighteen I was at a point that I thought I was superior to everyone around me, I knew I was smarter but, I made it clear that this was the case, even though there was never any need for it. I became ignorant to the suffering of those around me, I truly did not care. I had some friends who were ok with me but, I never really gave it much thought and even seeing these people became a routine, go to friends, drink beer, play music, watch films and repeat this process far too often. I had no job and the qualifications I had acquired meant little to nothing to me. I was too over confident according to some employers.
This is all part of the dark life, it seems like I was confident and independent but, the sad truth was, I was never really happy with what I was doing. Fast forward a few years and the death of a loved one hit me, and it hit me hard. At this point I made another vow that I would start to care more as life was too short for hate and the people who truly care for me were far too important to just ignore or lose because, of my attitude problem.
I started becoming interested in music at this point and travelled a little with friends all over the country to see lovely places, which I will always thank them for, even if I no longer communicate with them. Life is full of experiences and scenarios. Most we dislike as they put us out in horrible ways, like the loss of a loved one, death of a pet, betrayal of a friend. However, life has taught me that there are some good times in the midst of all this darkness, new loves, new life, achieving the goals we set ourselves and the success we can bring to others that are worse off than ourselves.
Slowly but, surely over the next few years I became more approachable and allowed more people in, I met the most amazing person in my entire life, someone who genuinely cared for me, regardless of my arrogant attitude. This in turn made me realise just how bad I had been. The smallest of words or gestures can make the biggest changes to ones life, half the time without realising it. This period of my life, I was in my early twenties, these were the happiest times of my life. Granted I hated being in my twenties as employers and people never really take you seriously but, being around that one person who made a difference to my life forever. Showing me that I didn't need to fit in with anyone, I could just be myself. My friend suffered with bouts of severe depression, to the point of being to close to the edge. I knew what the darkness felt like and I know how it can make you believe that there is no their way but, there is, there is always another way. People just need to find it, which believe me, nearly cost my own life before I found it. This I would never recommend, ever. It's highly destructive and more often than not, there is no way back from it. Find a person who cares, I mean truly cares, loves you for being you. all through the woods, go sea the ocean, breathe the air around you and allow the light side of life to help balance the burden bringer or at least put it at bay for the time being, every moment of freedom we create for ourselves is a moment wee can keep forever, a moment of winning, the point we can turn around and say "not this time, this time I win".
Nothing is forever, and together we can can make a difference. A difference that can change the future for others and put an end to the times we lose people to the pains we suffered ourselves. In this time, we win.