Dancing Through The Tears

Over the course of our lives, we may find ourselves experiencing instances of grief. This can be the result of many different events or situations. For example, you may grieve the end of your time at school/college/university, you/your parents getting divorced, the death of somebody you love, and so on, and so forth…

One of the largest causes for grief that has been explored time and again, in pop culture and in the charts, is the big ol’ punch in the gut feeling you get when there is some kind of a relationship or friendship breakdown. Perhaps, your partner has just broken up with you, or your friend has moved to the other side of the world with their new family, and it feels like the end of an era. Maybe you’re in a toxic situation, and in making this discovery, you find yourself going through The Five Stages of Grief as you attempt to figure out how to get up the courage to leave that space.

In 1969, Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, coined and described these five stages of grief (typically known as DABDA) to include:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Kübler-Ross has since clarified that the above stages are by no means linear. Additionally, we may sometimes go through only two or three stages, rather than all five, depending upon our individual life experiences.

Many of us will find ourselves turning to music to help us emote, feel heard, or transition a little more smoothly through the above stages. With this in mind, I have created the perfect playlist to help you get over a friendship or relationship that has turned sour and get back to feeling like you again. You’ll have a song by your side every step of the way!

Denial

Being in the denial stage of grief may include feelings of confusion or shock. You might be fearful which could lead you to attempt to avoid overwhelming emotions. Perhaps you do this so well that you find yourself in an odd state of elation. You may even want to pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and bury them beneath the sea like Eliza Doolittle:

You might question why you'd feel this down when it all bodes well like Vansire and choose instead to project your inner turmoil onto somebody else. You may tell them to call you when the world looks bleak, because if you’re focusing on their troubles, you’re forgetting about your own:

When you realise that you can’t distract yourself with other people’s problems forever, you may find your thoughts coming back to the hurtful situation that you are in. Though you can acknowledge that your time spent with that person seemed to take you higher and higher, even understanding what a terrible thing to lose they were… Much like the Electric Light Orchestra, as far as you’re concerned, it’s just a bad dream and you’re still rollin' and ridin' and slippin' and slidin' like magic:

Anger

When you can no longer deny what has happened anymore, and you start to mull over the facts, you may begin to get very angry. You are really connecting to the reality of what is happening to you. This can bring up feelings of frustration, bitterness, and anxiety; perhaps leading to a short fuse and irritable outbursts. You want to reject everything the person causing you pain is about. This might include calling them out on the way they seem to frame you with such disdain, accusing them of pulling your strings one by one, or, like Disclosure, asserting that if they wanna get tough, then let's play rough:

The person you are so angry and upset with doesn’t seem to care. They’re living their best life; remember when they said they wanted to give you the world? While you’re spending your nights crying on the floor of your bathroom like Olivia Rodrigo, they’re out using the tools given to them by the therapist you helped them find to be better for people who aren’t you. They look totally happy and healthy, but they’d know you’re not, if they ever cared to ask:

Strong feelings of hurt and betrayal, may take you a step further than wanting to reject everything the person is about. As you chunter about the fact that they walk and talk like they’re some new sensation; proclaiming, like Selena Gomez & The Scene, that the truth is blurry but the lies are getting clearer… you come to the conclusion that they only say or do things to get the right reaction… You start to daydream about the moment all of their friends realise who they really are, that sooner or later they’ll get their comeuppance, and everyone will trash them:

Bargaining

At this stage, you may try to postpone your sadness by bargaining with yourself, others, or even some kind of spirituality. You may start to feel a sense of guilt or responsibility for the things that went wrong, causing you to think things like, they didn’t ask too much of me… They know me better than I know myself. In a bid to rebuff the oncoming sadness, you may do a Tim Atlas, and choose to throw out the doubts in your back pocket:

This tendency to want to ignore your doubts may get stronger as you bat away anything that will make you realise how much the situation you are in has upset you. Although you are now telling yourself that they were actually the sweetest thing and that being without them is like walking on broken glass… Just like Annie Lennox, you are starting to realise that the pain may have cut too deep. But you still wish they would just pick the pieces up so you can enjoy what you had before:

Another major thing you might start to indulge in at this stage is ‘what if’ scenarios. What if they regret their new job? You heard they moved? What if you didn’t fight as much, what if you put more effort in, would someone else still be in your shoes right now? You tell yourself that you know they think about you when they kiss their new love interest. Like Fletcher, you. are. bitter. You know these thoughts are kinda stupid but it’s just the way you’re feeling right now:

Depression

Up until this point, although you have been very aware of your sadness, you have been able to garner the energy needed to deny what is happening, get angry about it, or bargain with the facts… anything to avoid feeling what you’re really feeling. But you are tired, you are finally facing the inevitable outcome of the situation head-on and there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do to change it. This is a really important stage of grief as not much good can come from avoiding the reality of what is happening. Acknowledging the truth is the first step to acceptance and growth.

You may realise that even though you can’t understand, you’ll have to take the pain. Like Demi Lovato, you might feel as if you’re dying on the floor and they’re stone cold, but you’re beginning to realise that you can’t pretend anymore and it’s time to bid your goodbye:

Coming to the realisation that you need to say goodbye to the hurtful situation you’ve been in, can sometimes make self-destructive coping mechanisms seem more appealing. You might want to be taking shots and smoking like Jessica Jarrell… Getting wasted so you don’t have to face it. You might worry that the memories will kill you, so you drink to stop yourself from thinking. Try to avoid coping mechanisms like this as they will only make you feel worse in the long run. The important thing that you are beginning to learn is that their ass ain’t worth no more tears:

You’ve made up your mind, you ain’t wasting no more time. You know what it’s like to walk the road alone, to walk along the lonely street of dreams… And although part of you wants to continue to hang onto false promises, you know without a doubt that you deserved better. Like Whitesnake, here you go again:

Acceptance

You don’t hate what you’re going through any less right now, but the fog is beginning to lift, and you’ve started to realise that you can live with it. Although there are good days, bad days, and horrific ones, the decent days are starting to outweigh everything else.

Reflecting on your past situation, you may begin to see that you gave them almost everything they asked for, but it still seemed that they wanted more. Decisions always had to wait, their timing was always late, their promises didn’t mean a thing and it made you feel as if your chances were fading before your eyes. Well, great news! Because like your new favourite group Linx, your patience has come to an end, and the only thing you won’t be accepting, is treatment like this anymore:

At first you were afraid, you may even have been petrified. It has been a long time since you thought you could live without this person by your side. But then, my friend, you, like Gloria Gaynor, grew strong and learned how to get along. Though the temptation to go back may still arise when they show up at your door, you know you’re worth more and you will, in fact, survive:

You’ve begun to come to terms with your new reality. You’re exploring your options, making plans, maybe even starting to engage with good friends and family again. As you reflect on the things that didn’t work out or the ones that got away, you realise how resilient you are. You start to think about what you have learnt from the bad situations you have found yourself in, be it love, patience or pain. You might even follow in Ariana Grande's footsteps and make the discovery that there ain't no need for searching, because you can do all of this for yourself and more. As you get to having better discussions with yourself, you come to know that you complete yourself and anything else is extra. While this doesn’t mean that you’ll never have another bad day, you feel better equipped to handle whatever comes your way. All that’s left to say at this point is, thank u, next:

Hi! I hope you enjoyed these songs of sadness, these bops of belief, this playlist to help get you through the five stages of grief... If you did, leave me a 🖤

If these tunes made you experience ALL OF THE FEELS and you need to simmer down - feel free to listen to more of a zen playlist below:

A playlist of bangers? Or terrible tunes that just made you madder? Let me know @OptimismWrites