Crippled and Crazy

My name is Steven Crane Sr., and this story is about me, so if you are offended by the title, you have worse problems than I do. I had the honor of traveling as a professional musician for 30+ years, but I also had the honor of being a paramedic/firefighter for close to 30 years. I have seen things that most people should not have to ever experience. I also had a very serious auto accident in 2009, on the way to a medical call, that caused several medical conditions that now have me in a wheelchair full time as well as on oxygen 24/7. Therefore, the crippled part.

As a FF/Medic, I was sent to ground zero during 9/11, and was there for 4 months. I was also sent to the Oklahoma City bombing, hurricane Rita, hurricane Katrina, the tsunami in the Philippines, as well as several other tragic events. On top of all that, I mentioned before I was in a very serious accident on the way to a medical call in 2009. When I got to the hospital, they told my wife that because of all the injuries, including a severe traumatic brain injury, that I had about a 75-80% chance of not surviving surgery. After 18 months of several different types of therapy, here I am.

I was sent to a psychiatrist, because of all of the changes in my life due to the wreck, and was diagnosed by an actual doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), (Therefore the crazy part). In fact, I get a check from the government to prove it! You hear a lot of people say I have ptsd, and you find out after talking to them that doctor Web MD diagnosed them with PTSD, and then they paid $99.00 on the internet to put a vest on their pet to call it a service dog.

My dog was given to me by an actual organization, she came with a vest, a certificate of actual training, and she does the job she is supposed to do. She doesn’t ride in a shopping cart or sniff other people, or act like a pet. She does her job.

I have severe triggers, (things that set off my c-ptsd) very often, in fact my doctor says that I have one of the worst cases that she has ever seen. I don’t like crowds, I don’t care for most people, can’t deal with loud noises, flashing lights, and I am severely allergic to STUPID!

One of the main symptoms of c-ptsd is suicidal thoughts. Do I have these, more than I would like to admit, but I just can’t put my wife and kids through that. Yes, that pretty much is the main reason I am still here.

I was very active up until the accident in 2009, and now my life as a person who loved to work and do a lot of things has come to a screeching halt. I traveled full time as a musician, the days I was home I worked as a Firefighter/Paramedic, and I owned a locksmith business. Until a few days ago, I would sit in my recliner, or my wheelchair and watch tv all day or stare out the window.

A few days ago, my wife comes to me and tells me about a site that I could join and write stories. My doctor also thought that it was a good idea, as it would give me something productive to do, as well as the opportunity to make a little money. So what do you know, I’m now a writer. About 2 years ago, I wrote a children’s book that was published about service dogs, so everyone said since you have some experience, you should give it a shot. Here is that shot!

I have always heard the saying “life is what you make it.” After the accident in 2009, I tried to do things that were not accessible to wheelchair life, and instead of realizing that I had to accept my changes, I accepted the failure aspect. C-PTSD doesn’t help either.

Finally I decided to find the things I can do from the chair, and try to live by the fact that I am only as handicapped as I want to be. So adjust to the things that you can do, instead of accepting failure.

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE!

The moral of the story is no matter how bad things get, always look for the positive, and know that people do care.