Causes, Problems and Cure of the Anxiety of Vomiting
Causes, Problems and Cure of the Anxiety of Vomiting
I got to the point that I thought I would never get over emetophobia. That it was impossible for me to cure emetophobia because it was such a big part of me. I think I actually started to define myself in terms of my emetophobia. If you had asked me "what I was" I would have said emetophobic before I said, woman, American or wife (obviously I would never have said this out loud!).
My emetophobia had become the definition of my existence and even though I had a great career and a wonderful husband, my emetophobia was the focus on my life. I think I must have been good at acting as virtually no-one knew something was seriously wrong with me. I think this was helped by the fact my husband knew early on in our relationship and looking back he must have covered for me a lot.
That is not my life anymore. I'm not going to lie, it has been tough to get to the point where I felt free but being here now feels so worth it!I had 2 main motivations to finally break free. First of all I was 37 and really, really wanted to have a child. I had put this off for years. First I argued that me and my husband were not settled and then I was worried about my career, but to be honest it was all the emetophobia. I thought I would be a terrible mother and could not cope with the idea of morning sickness. In my mind a mother should put her kids first and I was just not convinced I could do this.Secondly, my husband reached breaking point.
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After 10 years of emetophobia he had finally had enough. I hate to say it but I do not know if this alone would have been the push I needed. I lived with this constant guilt that I was limiting my husband's life, but he has free will. I was honest about the emetophiobia before we moved in together. I knew I could not hide it and I was lucky enough that he accepted me and my phobia. The trouble is I kind of made it a pre-condition of us moving in together before we got married. Love me, love my phobia kind of stuff.
I presented emetophobia as incurable and as something he had to live with. Looking back now I cannot believe how much he adapted his life for me. This is why I do not think that my husband alone would have done it. It's not that I do not love my husband; it was just that the pressure was not there with him. I knew he could walk away and that scared me, but I wanted to be a mom so much and my baby could not just walk away. This meant I had to be stronger.I do not want to give anyone false hope, taking that first step is really hard.
I felt myself starting to run away a few times and just kept having to visualize my baby in my arms. That was what helped me most. It took me nearly a year before I could honestly say I was no longer emetophobic. Don't get me wrong I still have triggers. I still feel panic sometimes, but I know I can cope with it. It isn’t bigger than me anymore. Visualization and breathing exercises really, really helped me but the biggest thing was finally facing up to my fear.So I think that is how I managed to cure emetophobia - I looked it in the eye and said enough was enough!
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