Caring for the Caregivers: Finding Support and Coping Strategies

Similar to how our parents provided care for us during infancy, many of us now face the responsibility of caring for our elderly parents. Additionally, some of us may find ourselves in the role of caregivers for children or partners who have disabilities or injuries, further impacting our mental and physical health.

The act of caretaking can present numerous challenges, often causing emotional pain and resulting in both physical and mental exhaustion. Hence, it becomes crucial for individuals engaged in caregiving to prioritize their own well-being by seeking support and taking care of themselves.

Caring is an Emotional Job

When caring for an older adult or a disabled person, caregivers often experience a range of intense and conflicting emotions. These emotions commonly include:

1. Anger: Feelings of anger may arise in response to the frustrating behavior of the patient, the progression of their disease, or the overall ageing process. In-home nurses may also feel resentful about the significant responsibilities they have assumed.

2. Guilt: babysitters or assistants may experience guilt over their thoughts and emotions, feeling angry or wanting to give up on their caregiving role.

3. Anxiety: The uncertain nature of caregiving can lead to anxiety. Caregivers may feel worried about what the future holds and the unpredictability of the patient’s condition.

4. Frustration: Caregivers often feel frustrated and helpless as they struggle to halt or control the progression of the patient’s condition.

5. Despair: The realization that there may not be any treatments or interventions to restore the patient to their previous state can lead to feelings of despair.

4 Strategies for Managing Intense Caregiver Emotions

It is important to recognize and acknowledge these emotions as a caregiver and seek support to navigate through them effectively.

1. Embrace your feelings instead of suppressing them

When a caregiver neglects anger, sadness, and other emotions, they only make the situation worse. Repressing these emotions can lead to heightened stress levels, sudden outbursts of anger followed by guilt, feelings of hopelessness, making unhealthy choices, experiencing sleep problems, or even developing depression. While it may be uncomfortable initially, acknowledging and identifying your emotions is crucial. The more you accept and understand what you're feeling, the less likely you'll suffer from any negative health consequences.

2. Avoid the "strong and silent" approach

There's no need to pretend that everything is fine when you're in the midst of a serious and potentially overwhelming caregiving role. Suppressing tears, anger, or the need for help only adds additional stress to an already challenging situation. Permit yourself to confide in supportive family and friends. Share the realities of your experiences, express your emotions, and communicate the kind of assistance you require. By abandoning the pretence and being open, you'll alleviate stress, gain better understanding from others, and become more receptive to support.

3. Release the guilt associated with your emotions

Remember that caregivers around the world experience a wide range of emotions similar to yours. Don't hold yourself to unrealistic expectations, such as expecting to find joy in every aspect of caregiving, and don't chastise yourself for experiencing negative feelings. These self-imposed pressures and negative self-judgement only contribute to heightened stress and negativity. For instance, if you become furious because your care recipient creates a significant mess at the end of an exhausting day, resulting in extra cleanup work for you, it's a normal reaction. Feeling angry in such a situation doesn't make you heartless or monstrous.

4. Find healthy outlets for intense emotions

Bottling up strong or negative emotions is not beneficial, and venting them on your older adult or disabled person will only worsen the situation. During moments of stress or frustration, strive to remain calm and kind, even if it means refraining from expressing your feelings in front of your patient. As soon as you have an opportunity, seek a safe outlet for your anger, frustration, sadness, or other emotions. Allowing yourself several means of release helps reduce stress and diminish the intensity of your emotions. Consider the following suggestions:

- Release physical tension by punching, kicking, throwing, or screaming into a pillow.

- Connect with a supportive family, friends, or fellow caregivers through calls or text messages.

- Participate in caregiver support group meetings or engage with informal caregivers in online support groups.

- Allow yourself to cry and let the emotions flow.

- Express your thoughts and feelings in a journal.

- Seek solace in conversations with a counselor or therapist.

- Engage in physically demanding activities that require concentration, such as scrubbing the tub.

Remember, by actively managing your emotions, you can navigate the caregiver role with greater resilience and better quality of life.

Causes of Caregiver Burnout

Here are several factors that contribute to caregiver burnout:

1. Unrealistic expectations

Expecting to single-handedly cure your loved one's illness or make them feel better all the time can lead to feelings of shame, depression, and anxiety, especially when dealing with conditions like Alzheimer's that impair mental functioning. Recognize that your role is primarily one of support and care rather than being able to miraculously heal their condition.

2. Uncontrollable circumstances

Feeling frustrated due to limitations in providing optimal care or not having sufficient resources or finances is understandable. Remember that you are doing the best you can with the available means and that it's important to prioritize self-care alongside your caregiving responsibilities.

3. Unreasonable demands

Both the person you're caring for and others in your life may impose unreasonable expectations on you. Sometimes, you might even place these demands on yourself, despite lacking the necessary support systems. It's crucial to set realistic boundaries and seek assistance when needed.

4. Confusion of roles

When you care for a loved one, it can be challenging to separate your role as a family caregiver from other roles, such as being a spouse, sibling, parent, or child. This can create complex and confusing relationships and make it difficult to know how to interact with the person you're caring for. Establishing clear boundaries and seeking guidance from professionals or support groups can help navigate these complexities.

That’s why it’s vitally important to find strength in receiving support. Caring for someone while also taking care of yourself requires support from others. It is essential to remember that you don't have to bear the weight of your responsibilities alone. Together, you can work toward finding the right balance that allows you to support both yourself and your loved one. Seek out support from friends, family, or psychotherapy from professional networks to alleviate the burden and find strength in shared experiences. By embracing a support system, you can maintain your well-being while fulfilling your caregiving role.

Reducing Caregiver Resentment for Stress Relief

When thrust into a situation we didn't choose, it's normal to harbor negative and resentful emotions. Even if you have deep love and care for your patient, the demands of caregiving can trigger feelings of resentment. Whether it's the overall circumstances, their illness, specific behaviors, unhelpful family members, or unsupportive friends, these negative emotions shouldn't be ignored or suppressed. Addressing them is essential to reducing caregiver stress and enhancing overall state of mind. Here are five effective strategies to help you take care of your own needs and manage caregiver resentment:

1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings:

Recognize that experiencing resentment is a natural response and doesn't diminish your love or dedication to your patient. Allow yourself to honestly acknowledge and accept these emotions without judgment.

2. Seek support:

Connect with others who can empathize with your situation, such as support groups, health professionals or fellow caregivers. Sharing your feelings and experiences with people who understand can provide validation and a sense of relief.

3. Practice self-care:

Prioritize self-care activities that replenish your energy and bring you joy. Taking breaks, engaging in hobbies, practicing mindfulness, and setting boundaries can help prevent burnout and resentment.

4. Communicate openly:

Express your needs, concerns, and boundaries to those involved in the caregiving process. Effective communication can help set realistic expectations, garner support, and foster understanding among family members and friends.

5. Seek professional help if needed:

If resentment and stress become overwhelming, consider seeking professional assistance. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance, helping you navigate complex emotions and develop coping strategies. If you can’t afford to leave home for much time, try online counseling.

Remember, managing caregiver resentment is crucial for your own health. By addressing these feelings head-on and implementing self-care practices, you can reduce stress and foster a healthier caregiving experience. Having a support system in place can offer you a safe space to share your thoughts and emotions, ultimately helping you navigate and alleviate caregiver resentment.

Online counseling

Caregiver counseling offers several benefits specifically suited to busy caregivers who provide home care:

1. Convenience: Online therapy allows you to meet with your therapist from the comfort of your own home, using communication methods that work best for you (such as email, phone, or video calls). It eliminates the need to leave home and allows flexible scheduling.

2. Affordability: While therapy can be costly, many online therapy options are more affordable compared to in-person sessions. Some online therapy services are even covered by common health insurance plans, making them a more cost-effective choice.

3. Time-saving: By eliminating the need to prepare for outings and commute to therapy sessions, online counseling saves you valuable time. This can make a significant difference, considering the demanding nature of caregiving responsibilities.

4. Flexible scheduling: Online therapists often have more scheduling flexibility, accommodating the unpredictable and challenging schedules of caregivers. They can offer oline sessions during specific times that suit your needs and availability.

5. Access to a wide range of therapists: If you live in a rural area, finding a suitable therapist nearby, especially one specializing in your particular needs, may be challenging. Online therapy eliminates geographical limitations, allowing you to choose from a broader network of therapists who meet your requirements.

By leveraging the benefits of online counseling, caregivers can access therapy conveniently, cost-effectively, and with greater flexibility, ultimately supporting their mental health and well-being.

Summary

As a caregiver, sometimes you may feel a lack of support and loneliness. It's vitally important not to be trapped in your house caring for others, but to also remember to take care of yourself. You should remember that there are various options for receiving emotional support, including professional therapists, support groups, and discussions with friends and family. Therapists can help caregivers process emotions, set boundaries, and improve communication. Support groups provide encouragement and advice, and informal conversations with loved ones offer understanding. Some care organizations offer specialized counseling. Check with health insurance for covered providers or seek free support through friends and support groups.