It's been a while. I miss everyone.
I was a happy person who wanted to succeed, helping my family with their debt, and thought about a bright future.
Now, I barely have any hope left, losing control of my emotions and habits, and became a disappointment.
The pandemic took a toll on me. I barely have the energy to wake up in the morning and couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't eat as I normally do because of stress. My coping methods are failing. I couldn't be happy at anything in my environment. My only coping methods are spending time with my boyfriend and talking to my counsellor, which helped a lot, but at the same time, they're not available 24/7.
We thought that 2020 would be a prosperous year since it is a new decade, but it all changed when COVID-19 came here and caused damage and havoc to our lives. Some have lost their lives during the year, some have scars from the damage of COVID, and others may have psychological and mental damage because of lockdowns and the lack of interaction with their family and friends. It wasn't easy, but with vaccines rolling out, I think 2021 will be a better year than the cursed year we went through.
I have suffered multiple breakdowns during the year, from panic attacks to depressive thoughts. Staying at home doesn't help me at all, since I'm living with my family of six, plus a dog. I barely have the space to do anything. To make matters worse, I have to deal with my family. I don't like spending a lot of time with them because I still have mental scars back in the past. However, I am grateful that they didn't get COVID, nor did I.
Now, about 2019. It was a tough year for me. I was hospitalized for five days because of my mental issues and suicidal thoughts. It was a tough five days, especially during the beginning, where I had a breakdown. Even though the breakdown was brief, it still impacted me. My parents had no idea that I was hospitalized because they were out of the country. I did bounce back during the second half of the year. I had to take a break from my studies due to mental instability, but I did try to recover from my breakdowns and anxiety.
2020 was not the case for me. The first three months were great, but everything went downhill since we went into lockdown. We were fine during the first lockdown, but the second lockdown is difficult for me. I don't have a strong social circle, my boyfriend is 20 kilometres away from where I live (which would take about an hour if I travel by bus), and spending time with my family is an introvert's nightmare. And please do not make me start talking about my home.
From there, I noticed how reclusive and toxic I am, not only towards my family but also myself. I fell back to my bad habits (which do not involve smoking and drinking thankfully), and I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Virtual hangouts and calls were a struggle for me, as I have problems with talking to people over the phone. Even talking to my family was a struggle for me. I placed too many expectations towards myself, thinking too much about the future, and started back from square one.
But this time, I decided to do my own thing.
I am going to write some stories on this platform. Even though I have some trouble with my communication skills and grammar, it won't stop me from doing things that I love.
And starting now, I will obtain redemption.
About the Creator
Mica Chau
Creating stories is my passion, whether real experiences or not. I'm also a fan of music, passionate on creating videos and a media design student.
The secret journey to regaining emotional stability
Do you feel that the anxious and avoidant types both seem to be strong and independent, but in fact they are sensitive and fragile. They often fall into emotions because of small things and start to be anxious and avoidant? If anxious and avoidant types want to change these, what they actually need is to compensate for their missing parts and heal their injured parts. In this issue, we will teach the avoidant and anxious types how to cultivate themselves again, making their emotions more stable, more rational in relationships, and at the same time gaining the ability to actively output emotional value. If anxious and avoidant types want to overcome the sensitive and fragile parts of themselves and obtain stable emotions, they need not only cognitive adjustments, but also need to heal the traumatized parts of themselves and compensate for the regretful parts of themselves. For example, the regret of the avoidant type is that they have not been paid serious attention to and have never truly rebelled. Therefore, the avoidant type will not fight for their own needs in many situations, resulting in uncomfortable situations and relationships, and they are always running away and wandering. The trauma of the anxious type is that they are trapped in unstable relationships and have been hurt by the instability in intimate relationships. The slightest fluctuation will make the anxious type feel nervous and anxious. Therefore, anxious and avoidant types are inherently fragile, sensitive, and unstable. In summary, these reasons are that something is missing during the growth stage, or they have suffered some trauma, so if you want to solve these problems, this is the time. Compensate when you need to compensate, heal when you need to heal, exercise when you need to exercise, just treat yourself as a child and raise yourself again. If the avoidant and anxious types re-train themselves, what kind of growth can they gain? First of all, emotions will become more and more stable. For example, you can be aware of your emotions at the first time, avoid emotions from affecting your thoughts and judgments, and learn to regulate your emotions. Secondly, you can truly understand yourself and know your real needs and fears. In the process of re-nurturing yourself, you can clearly understand your needs and fears, that is, you can know why you are attracted to a certain person, why you behave like this, and then you can better understand what you need.
By angelababy2 days ago in Psyche
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