Miscommunication

We are all different. We have different opinions on music, movies, genres, and more. We have a unique sense of communication, from talking to singing to dancing. However, some people may not understand a person's conversation because of two things: either they have a weak sense of communication or they may not follow the discussion.

I have poor verbal communication skills, and I'm not a critical thinker. I have a slow learning process (learning disability), and it takes me a while to figure out the discussion. I understand some of the topics, for example, music, design, mental disorders, psychology, etc., but I have trouble understanding some of the issues that people were discussing. I also have difficulty understanding assignments from courses, and I'm always afraid to ask questions in front of the professor, especially in front of the class. Usually, I ask the professor questions after class because I don't have to say it in front of everybody. I'm always afraid that if I say something wrong, everyone is going to think: "Wow, this girl is an idiot."

Let me explain why and how my communication skills have been weak as of today.

Everyone has to be on top of their game. We all need to ask questions, learn on a quick basis, and we have to do our best on all of our assignments. The problem is that I'm not a quick learner. In some topics, I have no idea of what's going on and struggle with many different subjects that I have to learn in a limited amount of time. It wasn't easy because my mind can process one problem at a time, and sometimes I get distracted by the smallest things that occur in my mind or what I see.

I don't understand. Even if I try to, I couldn't get anything out from the lectures or anything people say to me. Sometimes the little things get to me, and I struggle with complicated situations, even though that some of them are obvious.

It's tough. I can't process a lot of information in a short amount of time. Sometimes I have to improvise my work and hope for the best, and sometimes I gave up on certain things. The simplest things can get to me, such as an obvious answer to a simple question, or a hands-on task that confuses me without looking at the obvious.

I have several reasons as to why I have problems with my communication.

First reason: I'm timid. I have low self-esteem, and I do not dare to say what's on my mind. I keep things to myself because I know what the result will be. I never spoke to my family about my issues because of trust issues and poor communication. I always talk to my closest friends about my problems because they know what's going on or experienced something similar. Even though I talk to my friends more than my family, I do have some trouble with my friends because of my poor communication. I didn't know what to say half of the time, and because of this, I get flustered.

Second reason: I have trust issues. The public can not know about my problems. Even the smallest problems I have cannot be brought up. I cannot talk to my family that I have issues related to my mental health because I don't know how they would react or if they would think of me differently. I will get anxious or paranoid about the simple things they would talk to me about, especially something related to my mental health. The more they know about it, the more guilt I feel, and I would feel unworthy.

Third reason: I'm not used to reality. I don't know what to talk about as the primary objective. Emails, text messaging, and even word of mouth can make me anxious. Although, speaking in person is more challenging than texting or messaging because I don't think what I say half of the time. With texting or messaging, I can rewrite what I would say. However, it's hard for me to press "send" with texting or emails because of regret or paranoid about the result. I have trouble sending emails to professors about asking for help because I would say something stupid and they would judge me about this silly question, or I do not know the primary objective to the email I send them.

Final reason: Too much pressure about society. I tried so hard to fit in with other people that I didn't know what I was doing for myself. Half of my life is virtual. It never happened. I have trouble socializing with other people, and my brain is working at 50 percent when I communicate. I lose interest in social gatherings because I didn't like talking to people. I rarely force myself to talk to other people, but every time I do it, it ends up being awkward, and I end up being a dunce. It was not easy for me.

It's not too bad for having miscommunication. I make up for the mistakes I have made and tried my best to improve. Although, it will take time to improve my confidence and boost my self-esteem. It's not easy, but I'll get through this.

The road to confidence is a long way ahead.