An addicts mind

A lot of you probably won’t agree with me on this topic, and that’s cool that’s fine. I honestly don’t mind. Because half of you don’t know about How it feels to have an addicts mind. But I do. and word got out and everybody else knew too. some of it lies, some true. if anyone asked me, I’d divide the two. tell you the truth I wouldn’t lie to you. I have no reason too.

but since everyone knows my life and I’ve got nothing to hide, let’s take you into an addicts mind.

I no longer struggle with drugs but I did at one time, or two, or three, and it’s whatever you can judge me. Feel free. see if it bothers me. if you’re already judging this poem isn’t for you. This is for the ones that can’t find a way out, the one struggling with self-doubt and don’t think they have a chance so they just get high and forget about it.

Trust me I’ve been there, I’ve felt your pain and I still do! Everyone quit listening but I still hear you. I hear you crying for help even when you’re not talking. And I hate that you’ve grown comfortable to those feelings. When all you really need is healing. And I don’t mean healing from drugs, I mean healing for the heart. The one that so many people have torn apart, but somehow you’re still here, and you’re here for a reason.

Now let me pause and speak to the other half reading, because trust me I’ve heard your side too. My mom is an addict and has been most of her life. And all I here is criticism and painful words and “oh we’ve all tried!” When really in my eyes you haven’t tried, or tried in the wrong ways. Do the words rehab, 10-13, quarantine come to mind? You’ve tried forcing her and pushing her away and then you gave up because it didn’t work your way.

You believe in “tough love” but then get disappointed when they’re coping mechanism is a drug. And NO you can’t be nice because that’s enabling them. So someone tell me how you can be mad when they go back, when you’ve been the one turning your back.

I can tell you now I’ve been on both sides, so you can’t look me in the eyes and tell me im a lie, about what will help an addict and what won’t. Because what you called “helping” almost killed me! And everything I felt then, I’m still feeling.

I can only imagine what my mama feels, and to be honest I don’t blame her for poppin a pill. I felt the hate you put on me and I definitely feel the hate You put on her.

No one wants your pity, no one wants you to feel sorry. I’m pretty sure your love without judgment would be enough, but does any addict get that?

hardly. If any. But she’s the reason I’m writing today, and the reason I continue to pray. And one reason that I’m alive today, because I’m the only one that she has left.

You can sit and deny, but This is all straight facts! I’m always hearing people say “oh I wish I seen Tiffany today” or “I wish she would come around more” but anytime she does, she is still being judged and even I can feel it, so I don’t blame her when I see her head for the door. .

So for anyone who has an addict in the family and wishes for them to be sober or straight, Check your options you should probably reevaluate, And when you’re having a discussion they shouldn’t feel any hate, because when I looked in her eyes all I saw was “live or die”, and that was her debate. I’m just praying she finds a different fate.. but unlike anyone else, I’m not gonna sit and wait for the next mistake, I’ll be pushing her to try!

And you should too if you feel this way.

So listen to my words, or just straight up tell me I’m wrong, But my words are coming from my past and my pain, and experience.

B.M.O.