Alcoholism

This story is based on my childhood when I was growing up with my parents before they divorced. It is not meant to bash my father because I do love him, and he has gotten so much better once he married my stepmother. I just want to get this story off my chest because it has bothered me for years and sometimes still affects me when someone I love starts getting angry, even if they are not drinking. I am sure that there are many people who have experienced this just like me and hope that things are better for you as well.

My father used to drink a lot when he got home after work while playing games or watching football. It was always scary for me because I knew that if something would go wrong, he would start swearing, yelling, and sometimes even throw things. If he was playing a videogame, he would throw the controller and sometimes break it and start yelling more because it was broken, and that he needed to buy a new one. The majority of the time when he got like this my mother would bring us to my grandmother's so we would not have to be around him during one of his “tantrums”. Sadly, this happened most nights when he would come home from work or even during the day when he was home.

There was one time when he was watching football and I remembered him flipping out because his team was losing, and he decided to rip the sweater he was wearing and threw it away along with his hat. Another time he got pissed enough where he took a tray table and chucked it across the room where it broke and then tossed it down the basement stairs. I tried to stay away from him as much as possible whenever he took the alcohol out so I would not have to risk being near him when he got angry. My mother tried her best to keep my siblings and I from seeing him get like this, but it was hard when it occurred late at night when we had to get ready for bed for school.

Most kids will not say this but my parents getting divorced when I was in 8th grade was probably the best thing that happened not only for my parents but my siblings and I as well. In the beginning, it was upsetting but as I got older, I knew it was the best choice because my father made a huge change and reduced his drinking, and worked on his anger issues as well. My parents were happier and were able to give us better memories. It took some time getting used to my parents getting re-married, but they are both happier which makes me happier.

Even though my father got better I still have problems with people who get angry for any reason at all, even if it does not involve drinking. I am currently happily married to my soulmate and love everything about him. The biggest struggle I have is when my husband is playing videogames and starts getting mad when something does not go the way he wanted. He is nowhere near how my father was but sometimes I cannot help but want to steer clear from him. I do not mean to compare him at all to how my father was in the past, but I cannot help but think of my father whenever my husband gets mad at a game. I guess you can say I am still traumatized by the past, but I am working on it and will hopefully learn to not think of what my father was like.

I struggle a lot with confrontation, and I know it mainly has to do with how my father was when he got mad at anything. I hate it when someone gets mad or upset with me which makes me close off from that person without meaning to. My husband says he understands but I do not think he fully does because he never dealt with someone like my father growing up. I also know that I will never fully understand his past either but that is how it is with everyone unless you go through the same thing. I am just thankful that my father was at least sober enough to never lay a hand on anyone and made sure that if he threw something that no-one was in the way.

I am getting better and working on managing my fear of anyone who gets angry and I know that someday I will get past this. Like I said before, this is not to bash my father in any way but to get my feelings in writing and show someone else that they are not alone.