Addiction.

Addiction.

A couple of months ago, on the brink of football season ending, I visited my favourite coffee shop in the morning, where I do most of my writing. The Penny on First Avenue. The Penny became one of the key places in my journey with writing, however, the point of this piece is not to sing praises to a coffee shop, but rather to talk about the connections I’ve made there. As a very inclusive and warm environment, The Penny often attracts outcasts alike- people that long for a sense of community, a sense of belonging. That wasn’t the case for me per se. What attracted me to that place was the fact that it is a very healthy working environment. I can’t do my writing within the comfortable confines of my room. My inner self requires that I go out somewhere and do it.

Stephen King says that writing is meant to be done in a humble place without distractions, with a door that you’re willing to close as to shut others out, and shut yourself in. To me, the never-ending chatter of The Penny is my way of shutting the world out, and creating one of my own.

I took my place on the black leather couch which I think of as my own, and began writing in a little, marble-patterned ring notebook. Chatter going on as it does, people all around me greeting one another, the smell of warm coffee flooding the small shop, typical Penny scenery. And as I was scribbling words in that notebook, a man came up to me. Very skinny build, standing at about five feet ten, with a goatee adorning his face and a hat placed strategically as to hide his balding head. Due to certain reasons, we are going to call him Josh.

Josh was an ex-addict, struggling with alcohol, drugs and an overall toxic past, which he shared with me in great detail, very openly. Though I have been acquainted with formerly addicted people, and some whose lives were affected by their loved ones struggling with that, I had never seen it up close before, face to face. During November, Josh had began his sobriety process, something I think he called the “12-Step Program.” Having never heard of that before, he explained to me how it is a step by step plan of overcoming addiction, whatever that may be. Afterwards, we went into talking about a business plan he had set up for his future, a conversation which was cut short due to his girlfriend rushing him.

About a week ago, I ran into Josh again while working on a piece at Starbucks. Once again, we began talking as we do. His girlfriend (the one who was rushing him before) had dumped him a few days before New Year’s Eve. He never had a chance. Not even a few weeks after beginning his sobriety plan, Josh relapsed into the false comfort that alcohol provides for us- the temporary erasure of memories. His business plan had failed, his romantic life was a mess and so was his family life.

I was shocked when I found this out, to say the least. Three months after I had first become acquainted with him, Josh was now four steps behind where he had been when I’d met him.

And that’s the thing about addiction- it’s a game of snakes and ladders. Any wrong move can send you spiralling back into the vicious cycle which you had sworn to finally break free of. An ex-addict is a lot more likely to fall into the clutches of drugs and alcohol, similarly to how an ex-convict is a lot more likely to reoffend than someone who has never faced jail before. It is a matter of a long series of statistical studies and experiments, done over a lengthy period of time.

A common misconception, however, is that addiction always comes in the form of a substance that can be abused. And although those are the most popularized cases, there is no single living person on this planet that doesn’t struggle with addiction.

Some are obsessed with sex. Others are addicted to television. Other people can be addicted to gambling, or eating, or even work for Christ’s sake. One can even be addicted to a single person (as I have found myself to be over the past few months, and am now undergoing my very own 12-step program).

The problem is that no matter how much addicts (like all of us) crave rehabilitation, it is not only close to impossible to live with, it is equally difficult to achieve.

Why else are there so many suicides everyday? At one point in time, the pain of addiction becomes so incredibly unbearable that some feel the only way of finally breaking free from its shackles, is death. With society turning a blind eye, potential employers not even so much as CONSIDERING someone with a criminal history, and the constant judgement whispered behind other people’s backs, is that even a surprise anymore? We are all addicts. Not a single one of us is better than the person we are sitting next to.

Sobriety is a painful process- mentally, emotionally and physically. And no matter how sober one can get, there is always some temptation, a faint whisper in the back of our minds URGING us to fall back into our addictions.

But it’s up to us to bear with the pain, no matter how impossible it may seem.

Even more important than bearing with the pain, it is critical that we recognize we are no better than anyone else. Silently passed judgement is quite possibly the worst kind of impact on a human being. Worse than the impacts of addiction themselves.

We need to realize when we are being hypocritical, and moreover encourage one another. There is strength in numbers. If everyone strives for a higher goal, our society can prosper and be harmonious, and then the world may know peace and love again.

Josh is currently undergoing the 12-Step Program once again. He has reconnected with his family and is working two full-time jobs. He still struggles with the constant whisper in the back of his head that’s trying to convince him to drink, but so far he’s doing good. And of course, he has me here, to encourage and pray for him, as often as I can.