Lessons on Love from an AroAce
It wasn’t until much later that it all began to make sense. Hindsight is like that, blindingly clear when you look back at all the collected memories through eyes wizened by time. Growing up there’s a knowing, even when you’re little, that you’re different. This is long before you’ll learn about concepts like straight and gay and all the other words that exist in between to cut and bruise and leave shame scarred in the places you hide.
The spectrum of sexy
I might be as heterosexual as we can get, or am I? With Pride month encouraging me to analyze where I fall on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, I put some energy into thinking about my sexual history, and the desires that lead me to the choices I’ve made. I’ve often wondered if I am a lesbian, and I’ve even been on a few dates with women. I’ve also had sexual experiences with women, but the vibe was never right. I can certainly find females attractive, enough to get turned on, but men much more easily turn me on. Perhaps that makes me bisexual? I don’t think I am, because I don’t really want to have sex with a woman, I would much rather entertain a penis.
L is for...
A loud alarm roused Norah from her deep sleep. She fumbled in the half-dark of this still unfamiliar space for her bedside table to shut off the offensive sound. She had stayed up far too late sending flirty messages to a cute little pocket-rocket, whose intense love for Hello Kitty ensured that a couple of drinks and an awkward morning goodbye was all it would ever amount to. And that was how Norah liked it.
Tangled in You
“There weren’t always dragons in the valley, otherwise known as New Gildar, but now the city streets are filled with them. Dragons migrated to Alacia (a-lay-she-a) about 1000 years ago when their home planet of Graneer faced extinction. The Dragon people faced great prejudice when they first landed. Their heavily armed warships did not make them appear very peaceful to the human leadership, but over time they gained the trust of the Jiirai Republic. After even more time the respect of the Alacian people. Now they are one of the most populous and advanced races in New Gildar. As for me personally, I’m so thankful we coexist harmoniously now because when I look at Zephera, I can’t imagine my life without her.”
A Long Journey
I’ve always loved train rides, long bus rides where all I have to think about is when I need to get off. My bus to College every day for two years was an hour long. Since moving to London I haven’t had that. Every journey I take is less than forty minutes. Except for the train to my cousins. It takes me from Richmon through the District line, under the river, past South Bank to Cable street. I like watching the stations pass by, the people that come off and on the carriage. It’s easy to fall in love with a stranger on the train. To see a snapshot of their lives, how they carry themselves, the way they wear their clothes. It’s always the guys with fluffy hair and the girls with unique style. Making eye contact with them feels like a triumph, the little flirtation that goes nowhere. Sometimes those are the best kind. The District line has so many stations with stories, personal and historic, all of those transitions. Hellos and Goodbyes forever. One of the stations I pass along the journey, Gloucester Road, has a personal connection to me, not just because of the name being called after somewhere in north Somerset. But Because that’s the last place I saw her.
The Wall That Breaks
I lost my best friend two days ago. If she had died, it would be easier. But she's still out there, and now she's utterly alone. I was the only real friend she had.
Your Little Girl...
Hey mum... I’ve never told you this. I know that I still could. It’s not like I don’t have your number, or like I can’t just walk 20 minutes down the road and knock on your door. It’s not like you’d be mad. It’s not like you wouldn’t still give me a hug before I turned to leave.
I hadn’t talked to Mark since our last “date.” Not sure what is going on but did send him a message after the date thanking him, so the ball is in his court. He could be sitting on the text, wondering if it’s worth it. He could be bogged down with work but it’s Sunday. Maybe Nicola and him are trying to come up with a verdict about me. Who knows, but whatever the outcome is, I know we are on different levels. I’m not self-sabotaging something or trying to deflect away from a situation but just what I am feeling.
I haven't had a proper date in years, even Matt couldn't take me on a date. He said it was too hard, pretty much. I even offered to pay for myself. Nope, always had excuses. So, I sucked it up and waited for a miracle that would never eventuated. Waiting for a date would be like watching paint dry. Though, least you would get some sort of satisfactory outcome.
Cleaning Out My Closet
...I'm gay. I'm sure it comes as a surprise - at first, anyway. You and Dad used to tease me about what a "ladies' man" I was as far back as kindergarten.
Sometimes I think I have got it going perfectly until something falls out of rhythm and it knocks me off balance and I'm like why? Surely everyone does this.
You know when people say when you're onto something good, just ride the wave? Ride the wave regardless, I say. Anyway, I'm doing just that. I'm riding the wave at the beach, with Mark.