My Gay Daughter Told Me To Be More Accepting

One of the many things I love about my daughter is how kind and accepting she is. Since she was a small child, she’s had empathy for days. There was never a more kind-hearted, caring kid I’d been around than her.

I was the same way at her age. I was always friends with other children who didn’t have a lot of friends themselves, or perhaps weren’t popular. I didn’t go out of my way to do this purposely, but I was accepting, kind, and seemed to naturally connect to others who needed a friend.

My daughter has grown to be a well-adjusted, sweet, intelligent young adult. She came out as a lesbian shortly before her 13th birthday and has been actively involved in the LGBTQ community. She’s been a part of the Gay-Straight Alliance club in school, a participant in the yearly Pride events, and has friends that are in the trans community.

She’s a hell of a human being, and I’m fortunate to have her as not only my daughter but one of my very best friends. I love spending as much time with her as possible. It’s always a great time when we’re chilling together.

We often have wonderful, deep conversations when it’s just the two of us hanging out. She’s a senior in high school and has a busy academic and social life. She’s preparing to start college here locally this coming fall, so I don’t take for granted the one-on-one time we still have together.

Two weeks ago, we were hanging out playing the new tracks that had just been released on Mario Kart. While playing, we got into a conversation about my writing and how I tend to come real with it in regard to my contempt and anger toward racist and bigoted people.

I mentioned something to the effect of knowing that I likely won’t change many people’s minds about their racism and bigotry because I get so angry and fired up about the topic in my writing. She told me that she understood where I came from regarding those angry, emotional feelings in my writing. She knows that it comes from a place of love for her and the LGBTQ community.

But she agreed that I probably don’t influence much change by attacking right-wing conservative Christians with the views I write about when I’m angry.

This made me a bit sad. Though I knew my daughter was correct, as she was echoing the statement I was making about the effectiveness of my writing, I felt bad. It’s a pretty lame feeling to know that you put so much time, effort, and authenticity into your writing only for it to fall on deaf ears of people who need to hear it the most.

Avery and I have lived in Idaho her entire life. I’d been here for 14 years prior to her birth. I’ve seen the racism and bigotry people have put on display for over 3 decades. It hasn’t seemed to improve. It seems to have gotten worse. Especially during the time that Donald Trump has been influencing such terribly racist and bigoted behavior.

Idaho is a very red state that is quite conservative and religiously dominated. It’s not my ideal place to live and I’m considering leaving once our kids are all out on their own. Yet I don’t want to leave the area if they are living here locally. I’d miss them too much, and I’d want to stay to protect them.

Avery made the point in our conversation that right-wing conservative Christians truly believe that their views about the LGBTQ community, trans citizens, and drag shows are actually right. That they feel they’re protecting children from harmful, abusive situations. That their religion dictates that homosexuality is wrong and evil.

She could sense my anger just hearing her repeating what those citizens likely believe about the topic. And she made it clear that we’d never get through to those types of people one on one by being angry, insulting, and automatically dismissing their beliefs.

I knew she was right when she said this. I hate that it’s that way, but she’s correct. She continued on by saying that if we can’t at least be decent people toward those with very different and perhaps bigoted beliefs, we’ll never have the opportunity to change their minds. Or to debate with them in a non-emotional, calm manner.

She’s right. I knew she was right, and I likely knew all of this before we even had this conversation. But I have a temper. I’m Italian and Irish and have a fierce loyalty and love for my family. I don’t want to always be kind to bigoted people or have to be polite in my writing or online debates.

But again, she’s right. I’ve never made any progress arguing angrily with someone online. Not even one time that I can remember. I had to humble myself and consider her mature, logically-correct viewpoint.

She has more skin in the game, as a gay young woman. As much as it boils my blood to hear people talk negatively about the LGBTQ community, I know that bigotry affects her negatively far more than it will ever affect me. I need to be open to her wisdom, even though she’s all of 17 years old.

I’ve seen her calmly debate others about social justice issues. She not only has a photographic memory regarding facts and statistics regarding the topics she discusses, but she also has a calm, smooth demeanor when talking to or debating someone with differing views. She is most certainly not confrontational and overly emotional like her father is.

Avery is one of the best examples of young people who can effectively influence much-needed change in our world. I admire and look up to the way she studies these topics, forms her opinions, and shares them with the world. We need more younger people handling things the way she does.

She’s a hell of a good influence on her father. I look up to her in this regard. She outperforms me when it comes to positively influencing change. She’s not only my daughter and one of my very best friends, but she’s also one of my heroes. Love you, BabyChild. &:^)