His Ship, My Ship!

The Beginning

I met my spouse in March of 1993 in Charleston, South Carolina, We were both sailors in the U.S. Navy and attached to the Naval base there. He was there for training and I was on my 3 year shore duty tour. What the future would hold was not on either of our minds. None of that really mattered to us since we were madly in love. But for us, life would become more interesting and long distances from each other. However there was two big problems that neither of us considered. The first was the amount of time spent at sea and the other was "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Secrets

During those years it was very important not to act like a stereotype or been seen around certain places. There were undercover types that had nothing better to do than end a sailors career. So going at to a club on the weekend turned into a nerve wracking start followed by whatever fun one could get into without getting caught. Since going to a club for us at the time meant music and dancing. I don't like dancing since I really have no rhythm, but my spouse loved dancing. As I remember watching him dance something I hardly think about these days, but it was truly love at first sight for us. That was made apparent when his parents came to visit and we had to be the straight sailor good friends type so they wouldn't suspect anything. I wonder what his mom and dad thought when they found out my spouse was living with me in a one bedroom apartment, I have never asked.

Where to Next?

There was a bit of a scare when my spouse ended up having his tonsils removed, that could have cost him his career and made things turn out far different than they did. The training class didn't stop because he got sick and the training program was really tough and difficult. Somehow he managed to still make it through and received his next duty assignment. Seems he would be headed to the Virginia area and to an aircraft carrier. I was scheduled to go to training when it was time to transfer but I had no clue where I was going after that. I had to discuss that issue with my detailer in Washington, DC. So the two of us took a road trip to learn my fate. I knew what my choices were and really didn't like that I pretty much had only one choice. My spouse didn't like that either and he took it upon himself to remedy the situation. So my spouse and the Navy detailer arranged my fate while I just stood there and watched silently. How we didn't get busted then is beyond me, since my spouse did all the talking and should not have been there in the first place. Somehow my spouse managed to get me onto an aircraft carrier that was being built in Virginia.

Long Distance

It came time for my spouse to leave Charleston and head to Virginia. A few months later I was headed to Biloxi for training. Not sure that I really cared for the long distance thing, but we made it work somehow. I am not sure how or why we made it, but I guess it was true love. Neither one of us made that much money and it was difficult to get time off in the Navy or have long weekends together. So there were very few trips made by either of us and less time together. The times we did get to spend together during that long distance time were spent well away from any military or family. Finally the time came for me to head to Virginia and back to my spouse.

Back to Sea

For me shipboard life was nothing new, I was onboard a smaller ship before I moved to Charleston and had plenty of sea time. This was my spouse's first time being assigned to a ship. Both of our ships were at the same shipyard and life was a bit more relaxed than usual. We got to spend plenty of time together and had a few friends we enjoyed being around. Since I knew what being assigned to a ship was like and knew what was in the future, I tried to spend as much time with my spouse as possible. Time went by extremely fast and it was finally time for our ships to leave the shipyard and start going to sea. This is where things got a bit hard to deal with. The purpose of a ship is to be at sea or underway as we called it. There is no changing the schedule and there are no long distance phone calls or trips. You go to sea and for the most part there is nothing but water and the same people for days and days. Aircraft carriers are the largest ships in the Navy so there were more people than my first ship, but still there is very little to do at sea while working 12 hour shifts 7 days a week and people tend toward getting on each other's nerves. To make this even more of a challenge, my spouse's ship was on a completely different schedule than my own. He would go to sea for however long his ship was scheduled and on his way back into port would pass my ship as we were headed out to sea. Every single time one of us was at home the other was at sea. This lasted for months of passing each other in the channel. Both of us would be looking for the other as our ships passed by each other. Then my spouse's ship went on their 6 month cruise to the Mediterranean sea and I was left at home.

Busted

Then our world changed again. Right after my spouse returned from his cruise there was an issue for him. It seems that someone decided to rat him out and he was investigated for being a homosexual. It was made more difficult by me not being there for him as I was still going to sea as scheduled. That "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was not really as advertised because they did ask, but he didn't tell. In the end he was still discharged from the Navy for homosexual conduct. This is another of those life events that I have no clue why things went the way they did, but for me there was no investigation into my life and no asking. My spouse was discharged and had to take a job in Washington, DC and so we were back to the long distance thing. This time it was not that long of a distance and we were able to see each other fairly often. I could have stayed in the Navy if I desired, but I didn't want to risk the same fate as my spouse. I left the Navy at the end of my enlistment and moved to DC to be with my spouse.

Final Thoughts

Whenever the subject of meeting and our time in the Navy comes up, the story of our ships passing each other is told. My spouse adds a bit more drama to things than I do. But I still remember those days of my best friend not being around and I only got to see a ship passing headed in the opposite direction. One of the things that I remind myself is even though we went through not being together, it made us realize how much we loved each other. Having been together for a short time and being separated from each other made us appreciate being together even more. Being able to survive those times and get past the separation seems easier now than it really was. But we still have each other today, even though sometimes I wish our ships were about to pass each other in the channel. This short story was for my Scotty who I just want to thank for the most amazing 30 years so far and hope there are still infinity plus 2 years for us in the future.