A Tomboy's Truth

To all who is reading at the moment, it is currently pride month for the LGBTQ+ community. This should be a time of loving and showing support to all people regardless of how they identify themselves or show affection towards. The realization of the PRIDE awareness has left me to come up with my own struggle to understand what my purpose is here on earth.

To give a little back story, I grew in a single-parent home; however, both of my parents were in my life and co-parented very well. Not to mention, I also grew up going to Catholic private schools all the way to my junior year of high school (keep this in mind). My favorites as a child were building things with my dad, playing sports, and helping fix things around the house. I never was off into girl "things," if you know what I mean.

I soon realized that I didn't like playing with girls or dressing like one from a very young age.

One distinctive memory I have was when my mother put these sandals on my feet, and I threw a tantrum cause I didn't like my feet showing; till this day, I don't want my feet showing.

After that debacle, I started noticing my style was leaning towards wearing shorts and t-shirts. Mind you; I'm like 5 or 6 at this time. My grandmother and aunts began to notice, and it just became a war from then on. They would flat iron my hair; I got angry; They'd put me in dresses or anything pink; I got angry; They'd tell me I have to start acting like a girl; I got angry. It was always this continued cycle of fighting.

As I got older and started middle school, I became a full-fledged tomboy.

I ran track, played basketball, and found interest in science ( I'm an undergrad astronomy & physics major now).

Everything was going well till puberty hit, and high school became a thing! We've all been there, the constant peer pressure to fit in and whatnot. The funny thing about it was I wasn't the type to care about my image or what people thought about me till I went to an ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.

Being that I was a tomboy, who also became a little science geek, was not helpful. So, I did what any other person would do under pressure not to stand out, and that is conforming, stripping myself of my identity.

I started wearing makeup (it was a horrendous time), trying to save money to buy "feminine" clothes to impress boys, and do things to my hair instead of wearing a bun.

~ PRESENT DAY ~

I am a 21-year-old female, currently in college, getting my bachelor's degree, racking up in student debt, and for some reason waking up at odd hours of the day or night. I have dealt with my share of identity issues throughout my life but haven't addressed them till now. I guess you can say it's the summer boredness taking over, and now I'm trying to figure out my shizz!

I was compelled to write this because I feel no one talks about it, or I haven't heard anything from the outside world on the topic. Is being a tomboy relevant, and does it still even apply to me?

I had begun to look into my own identity and replay memories of pre-puberty when I didn't care about what others thought of me when I dressed like a boy or played sports. I was comfortable with who I was.

With that being said, I am straight. I'm am attracted to the opposite sex, but why am I so comfortable dressing as a guy? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this issue. The only minimal feminine traits I exhibit are my nails, usually in a nude color, coffin shape semi-long, and wearing "natural" makeup.

I feel like in this day and age; everyone should accept people as they are. I'm mostly talking to the conservative community because, yes, I dress in more masculine clothes, and yes I like the opposite sex, but I'm not interested in dating them at the moment. Shoot!, I've never even dated in my life cause I how the way people perceive me.

I have come to the moment where I'm tired of playing two sides around family, friends, and the outside world. One moment I am in a dress and some heels that I'm not comfortable in because of my family's wants and the next, I'm in an oversized hoodie and some baggy jeans cause that's what I'm comfortable in.

I'm starting to understand the people who have gone through my situation but 10x as complex how they have felt all these years. I've just buried how I felt all these years because of what my family has told me growing up and how to be accepted in a "conservative" society.

But, guess what, that's not happening I refuse to let go of my identity as of who I am.

I have begun to revitalize my whole lifestyle, throw out (calm down, sell!) all the feminine clothing anyone has given me, or I bought; I want to start over and be myself; a tomboy, who likes astronomy, but still knows how to rock long nails.

I feel for the LGBTQ+ community, I may not be in the same boat, but I feel for every human being who has dealt this way.

To anyone reading this, I wish you all the best and know that we are all in this together. Love, peace, and pineapples on pizza!