2021 + 21 years old

It's currently summer, right now. I have nothing else to do except wait for my Calculus II class to start in July.

I have come to the realization that most human beings my age (yes, young adults like me) are figuring things out. I was never the one to think that the plan I had for my life would fail me, but I think I have reached a point.

If that's not the case, I'm just probably delusional and probably facing an early mid-life crisis.

I have discovered I have no talent whatsoever! Yeah, crazy, right! I thought everyone had to be born with some gift, but oh ho, not me! As I'm typing this, I'm in my bedroom, which has not been cleaned since the semester ended, with kombucha bottles everywhere, and dirty clothes that have not been washed in 4 months, all while I'm listening to jazz. You can say I'm in the "zone" right now, I guess.

But, anyway, I just have reached a point in my so-called "young adult" life where I'm not sure what I want to do or what my future holds.

I am just breathing.

I have watched countless people around me who have talents I wish I had. I guess I'm a result of what happens when a parent likes to "protect" their child. BS!

I have no ambition anymore, no drive, no motivation to pursue anything.

My dream was to become an astronaut ever since I was a little kid. I'm studying to get my bachelor's in Astronomy & Physics, but it's like I don't even want to anymore. It's not like I'm not interested in astronomy anymore because I AM! That's all I can see myself doing, but the constant drag of figuring out finances, relationships, a future 9-5 (which I hate the idea of) is a challenge to keep up.

People my age are traveling, eating foreign foods I've never tried, while I'm stuck in a small city called Lancaster, TX.

HOWEVER . . .

I have come to make sense of my situation, and that is, I have not reached the age of maturity to understand that my life is my own. The choices I make are mine and what I choose to do with my life is up to me.

There is one accomplishment I have been focusing on; I don't think it's important because I feel defeated every time I don't practice every day.

I'm learning Japanese!

If I could find time to quit my job at Amazon, I would study every day.

(BTW, Amazon is pretty questionable; you can love it or hate it, working there, I mean. I'm the latter)

What I'm trying to say to those in my position if you feel as though you have nothing to offer, feel as though you have no talents, be kind to yourself. The saying you have your whole life ahead of you is true.

It is not about how fast you finish the race, but how well you performed. Life is literally a maze; you never know which turn might lead you to your destination or downfall. It's about the character that is built from within.

Also, I have begun to find interest in piano. I've always wanted to learn how to play but never had the opportunity as a kid (pssst . . . I grew up poor!).

The CASIO CT x3000 is on my list to get this summer! Maybe I should find a passion for music. I've always loved jazz and classical, thanks to my dad.

All I'm saying is find your niche, look at me I'm just now starting . . .