I idolized my oldest brother Ron, and whenever he was around, I begged him to let me hang out with him. He was always smiling, with his characteristic “cat that ate the canary" grin under his blond wavy hair. I could be persistent, and I succeeded in talking my way into rides in his blue Volkswagen van. Ron would stick a Paul Butterfield Blues Band eight-track tape into the player and I was in seventh heaven. I loved the sound of the blues. I would tag along, following him to places like the Mystic Arts World, a metaphysical bookstore, hippie boutique, and head shop on Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach. It was the epicenter of the psychedelic world and one of the first head shops in existence.

Jordan and I are on our way towards Santa Monica, which was about a 20 min drive from el matador beach. Now, we are still tripping on acid and driving wasn't the best decision but I decided to drive anyway, not thinking about what could happen. Anyway, we are coasting down PCH as the sun is setting, it is perhaps one the best sites to have in the west coast. It was so good of a site I swerved a little off the road. After I did that I remembered "oh shit, I'm on acid." So Jordan was dj and I rolled down my window and tried to concentrate as hard as I could. Before I swerved off the road I don't even know how long I was driving for. I was just driving off muscle memory. I was literally just following everything the car ahead of me was doing. I wasn't sober but I felt like I was sober enough to continue driving. I was so focused on driving I don't remember anything else from the car ride. I don't remember what songs were being played or if I was having a conversation with Jordan or not. But we finally start to see the pier. It was gorgous. All the lights and by the time we had arrived it was sundown so the lights stood out even more. It hit me again, I'm still on acid. We had stopped at a red light to make a left into a parking garage and all I could see was the red fluorescent brake light in front of me. It felt like I was looking at it forever but it was probably just a couple minutes. We made it. We made it safeley to Santa Monica and the first thing we did was go to the promenade mall. We walk the first the floor and the first store I see, the Disney store. I ran as fast as I could towards the escalator to get to the second floor. Jordan is behind trying to catch up. I felt like a kid again. I have never felt so happy to go to a store. I walk in and I was greeted with the most friendly face, welcoming me into the store. I was so happy looking at all the toys and to top it off there was a bench and infront was a screen playing classic disney animations. I was the happiest I've ever been and then I look slightly to the left and I saw a white lady on her phone. All the enjoyment stopped right there. All I though was "she's calling the cops! She knows." I got up with the quickness and got Jordan and told hit that we needed to go. But he calmed me down and and I started looking at the toys again and letting the upbeat happy music takeover. I got in line, not knowing what I was going to purchase and then there it was. Hanging there was a the perfect backpack. It was a red backpack with the old mickey mouse all over it and next to it were lion king pins, which is my favorite disney movie by the way. It was all set up so perfect for me. It was meant to be. I don't remember how the transaction went all I know is that I wore the backpack for the rest of the night. I was a little kid again skipping around and so happy, until we got to the pier. It felt like everyone was looking at me. Before I wasn't making eye contact with people. I was looking above them but I just felt everyone looking at me and it was scary. It felt like everyone was plotting against me. I told Jordan and he said he felt the same way. The further we walked the worse it got and there it was. A mexican in a trump mask singing in spanish. It was so disturbing to see I couldn't bare to look at him again. I wasn't offended, I didn't feel no way, just disturbed but after that as we were talking towards the end of the pier, we started to sober up and feel normal. Whatever that means. It was the end of our trip and it was a hell of an expience. I don't recall every detail but from what I do remember, I refelct and look at them as a something i can learn about myself

When I was growing up, I was told NO. No to drugs, for they are dangerous and can get you into a lot of trouble. Weed was a drug. When I was young, I was at a party where a scary situation happened that involved marijuana. I was sleeping over in a house where someone was caught smoking a joint, and someone else was very much not okay with it, and they freaked out, resulting in lots of yelling. To my young ears, this fight was scary. I just remember yelling and having to leave. That's my first experience with cannabis.

The art, the craft, the beauty of psychedelics is what stirs this teapot that I have brewing. Care for a cup? Many people reach their higher being in many forms of meditation and have different ways of ‘looking within’. Some of these include tai chi, vipassana, mindfulness, and loads of other remedial hacks to staying human without the extra chip of elitism, or what I like to call passive person disorder. We all know that one person that just fudges up the Feng shai of shit for no other reason than they can’t control their impulsive, unnecessary contribution to society like a cough, unsolicited, or any other anxious tendencies.

I finally gather myself after being pulled back in from the tide. Everything is soaking wet. My shoes, my backpack, everything. But I made it to the other side. The first thing I saw was two teenage girls taking selfies and looking at me all crazy. Probably because I was screaming for my dear life. I made it to the other side, but where is Jordan. I threw all my belogings on the floor and fled back into the scene. In the most dramatic way I started yelling Jordan's name. From around the corner I could here a faint voice yelling my name back. I would yell and then he would yell. This continued for a minute or so. Until I made it back around the corner and I see Jordan stuck, high onto the wall, scared out of his mind. Luckily, the life guards from before had just finished doing thier parameter search and they caught us in the need of help. So, they give Jordan that one red thing that lifeguards always carry. Now, because we were tripping balls, maybe, just maybe we were overreating. I say that because the life guard was standing straight in the cave, walking his way through with the water up to his waist. But I truly did believe I escaped death. Anyway, Jordan made it to the other side with the floaty from the lifeguard. As soon as they finished helping us. They just told us to have a nice day and left. We didn't think much of it. All we knew is that we had escaped death. We sat there and looked at eachother and all we could do was laugh. But crying and laughing. So scared but we're tripping too so its the funniest thing in the world. We were sat there for a good 10 minutes trying to gather ourselves but just couldn't stop laughing. I was so scared my hands woudn't stop shaking. I finally made that push and I said "Alright, I need to smoke until I stop shaking". We gather our stuff and start heading back to the car. The only thing I could think was that we really survived. We make it to the car and guess who we see in the parking lot. The lifeguards. They had just finished thier shift after saving our lives. They shot us the hang loose sign they were on thier way. We finally made it to the car and I'm still uncontrollably shaking. I had trouble opening the door. I get in and go straight for the weed. All I had was my piece. I couldn't even pack myself a bowl because I was shaking so much. Jordan had to do it for me. He packs me a few bowls until I calm down. After like five bowls I was good. He told me he would be right back, he had to use the restroom. So I turned the car on to listen to music and put on an album I was in love with at the time. I played The mansions and the song "wicked" started to play. At first, it was cool, I was just vibing out. All of a sudden I got taken away by the music. My eyes closed and a whole video started playing in my head. There isn't a video for the song, I just made a whole video up in my head. I could hear every little tweak there was to produce it, I could hear thier vocals so clearly. It was so just beautiful. I started to get teary eyed. Different colors started to take over and words and random images started to come across my mind. It was all happening so fast the only thing I could comprehend was how the colors matched the tone of the song. I'm laying back with the car on with my eyes closed being blown away by this music. I felt the color blue, and I felt orange and then it started turning red. For some reason, I didn't like red. I tried to think of blue again and red kept coming. Later, that color will become of significance, but at the moment I was not liking it and I opened my eyes and there was Jordan, several feet away from the car. He enters the passenger side and I tell him right away about the amazing expience I just had. He told me to put on the song again but it wouldn't have been the same. It was one of those in the moment kind of things. But we're still tripping and we don't know what to do next. "How about Santa Monica?" I don't remeber who brought it up but it seemed like a great idea at the time so away we went.

High me thinks this is a great idea. Except that I have a bottle of Topo Chico sitting RIGHT NEXT TO MY LAPTOP. Oh dear cat, I’m such an anxious nerd. Even high on, I had to get up to look at the box to remember the name of it, Apple Jack. But before I made it back to my computer, I decided to take a photo of my son’s Mario Doll. But not just a photo of my son’s Mario Doll, a photo of him eating pudding to send to my son’s dad’s phone so he could show my son. Not only that, but I then decided that I need to eat a snack. It’s only 11am, but maybe an early lunch type snack. So, I made frozen waffles. While they were cooking in the microwave, yes, the microwave, I sang a song to my cat. Because I had decided that I didn’t need a fork this time, I would then sing to my cat a song that went like this, “I don’t need no fork! I don’t need no fo-ork! I don’t need no fork!” My cat did not appreciate this song. When I finally came back to my computer, I noticed that after all of that, I didn’t bother to move my Topo. Also, I technically forgot the name of the strain I was smoking and had to go look at the box ONE MORE TIME until just now. Now it’s time for sticky fingers covered in honey.

It was a summer day of 2018 and my good friend Jordan and I had planned to drop acid at the beach. It would be my first time and it would be his second. I've always been curious what acid was like. I've always heard stories, good and bad but I decided to create my own story.

I couldn't tell you what day it was or month. All I know is my expierence off dimethyltryptamine(DMT). Now this drug is supposed to be the feeling of birth and/or death. This wasn't my first time so I already knew what was in store, so I thought.

It was my birdthay weekend and I just gotten back from vegas for my 21st. I was at my brothers house with my good friend Jordan, still continuing the party, drinking and smoking, when another good friend of mine calls me and tells me he has something for me. Buzzed and excited, I let my brother know that I was leaving to meet up with my friend Dom. Obvviosly, I didnt drive, Jordan did, but I had an anxuios car ride there. It was about a 20 minuete drive to Dom and I was aleady buzzed so that was a fun ride bumping my favorite songs and singing my heart out. I don't remember what songs were playing I just know I was about to lose my voice if I sang any louder. But we pull up to the backsteet of Dom's house and he is sitting in his 4 runner waiting for us. We say "whats up" but I could tell he was excited to show me what he had. So he opens the trunk of his car and he tells me to sit down. So I did, and then he pulls out a pen from his pocket. I look at him confused. This was not a regular pen it was a vape pen, but i normally ossocciate this type of pen with THC wax, which i already had. But then he begins to explain what it was. "It's DMT". Still looking at him confused he begins to elaborate. "Dimethltryptamine! We all have it in our brain but it is only released twice in our lives. Once when we are born and the sencond when we die. So basically, this expience would be the that". Prior this I have expienced acid and molly but this was more than next level, but fuck it I'm open to new things. So he hands me the pen and tells me to take big hits, until you cant inhale anymore. At first, I though this man is trying to kill me, but I took my first hit and I didnt cough or feel anything. He said take 3-4 hits the same way. Hit 2, I feel a little different but nothing really. It felt like when they do drugs in a movie and they give that effect that its starting to hit. Hit 3, it hit me, I was starting to exit my body and Dom started to notice so he said "one last one". I took the last hit. I inhaled and takeoff. I entered another world. All these different colors and shapes started to appear. It was taking me somehwere, somehwhere that wasn't on earth. But I could hear with my eyes closed, Dom saying" lay down". So there I am high off DMT in the trunk of his car with Dom and Jordan watching over me. But none of that mattered I was in a different dimension. I finally reached my desination after traveling through all the colors and shapes. I was back in vegas, but everything was white. I was in white. White houses, white floors, white suits, white everything. Once I was able to grasp that everything around me was white, Everything changed in a blink of an eye. I was back in the club in vegas, but this time I could see myself from outside my body. It was like I was looking through a window watching myself. But it wasnt just me, it was eveyone I was with. I was watching the past from another lense. I could see myself acting a fool at the bar and on the dance floor. I could see my friends around me hyping me up. I wasn't afraid or anything I was just letting it take the wheel and letting this drug show me whatever it had in store. I later realized that this window I was looking through was a mirror. I could remember where the mirrors were in the club and those were the only places I could see myself. But i have yet to make contact with myself just watching from another lense. Until finally, the me in the club looked in the mirror. We were looking at eachother and we knew we were looking at eachother. What I saw is very persanal to me but i will say i saw my true self. I saw who I was on the inside. And just like that, my eyes opened and I was back in the trunk of the car. It felt like a lifetime but in reality it was only 15 minutes. I look at Dom and then I look at Jordan. They both ask me how was it. I just said "that shit was crazy". I couldn't even describe what had happend during that moment. I was in so much shock I couldn't really talk about the expierince right away. This is actually the first time im telling my story and its been 3 years.

Inspired by a 3rd-person view of subjective experience

As per usual I need to disclose that this story includes illegal use of Marijuana. I do not condone the illegal or underage use of Cannabis products and my behaviour in this story does not represent who I am as a person now. All names aside from my own have been changed out of respect for those involved.