First encounter with Ayahuasca the Grandmother Medicine

The resort is composed of a central building that serves as a kitchen and dining area. Plenty of lands lush with vegetation and a few bungalows spread amongst the plants. The main building as do the bungalows seem to have the same structure in the sense that the walls are hard only half a meter off the ground and continue to the top as a mosquito net so everything is rather open. Some bungalows have 2 full walls, one half and one entirely made of mosquito net and I find it fascinating.

Eliza learned everything from her father, who in turn learned everything from his father, in other words, she is a 3rd generation shaman.

Before I decide if this is my place I have a chat with Eliza about the price of my stay. I negotiated a lot just to make sure she's not in for the money and the glory and apparently she's not, she appears rather simple, genuine and caring.

So I decide this is it.

We agreed I am about to stay in the healing centre for 10 days, from Friday until the 2nd Monday and will undergo 3 ayahuasca ceremonies, Monday, Wednesday and next Friday.

Somehow I was hoping and wishing for another ceremony on Sunday so I can have 4 ceremonies before my departure on Monday, but everyone in the centre was telling me it wasn't possible because Eliza has other things to do and that's not the structure she uses.

Anyway, all agreed upon, I get a taxi to the hotel in Pucallpa and grab my backpack and by the time I arrive back in the healing centre, it's nightfall.

Freddy, a son in law to Eliza and also a shaman himself is showing me to my bungalow and helps me settle in. The first thing I notice is the lack of electricity and just candles flickering from behind mosquito nets and I think to myself: “Wowwee, this is it bro, you've really done it properly, just like you wanted, truly immersed in the jungle. "

While Freddy prepares my bed I chill out in the hammock.

- Make sure you pull down the nets over the bed before you fall asleep or the mosquitos will do you no good.

- To be honest, I'll probably rest in the hammock tonight if that's OK with you.

- Yeah sure I'm fine, the problem is nobody will find you tomorrow, the mosquitos can make you disappear overnight.

- Ohh yeah, I see your point, I've been here for only 10 minutes and already got a hundred mosquito bites. I think it's wiser to follow your advice.

The first night in the jungle is one to remember forever. The sound of crickets and frogs is louder than central London traffic noise and you're meant to sleep. It is a beautiful orchestra however it can be intense in the beginning and the loud sound can feel unsettling.

With all this playing out I put a headlamp and go to have a sit on the toilet. As I sit down and look around on the wall to my right, to the level of my knee I see a giant spider. The legs are the length of my fingers and spaghetti sized width. It appears one leg is shorter like he's lost half of it in some life and death situation. My first reaction is to freak out and I try to keep it cool but can't do it for long so I'm just going to bed.

The loud sound is really making it impossible to sleep and with these sheets hanging around the bed can't see much outside so I feel uncomfortable. My legs feel itchy suddenly so I scratch. The itch stops and then moves lower on one of my legs. I stop and pay attention and I feel something crawling on my leg. Adrenaline is pomping already while I try to keep it cool and scratch off my imagination fueled by all the sounds coming from the abyss of the night. But it moves again and I'm certain now it's not my imagination playing tricks on me. I put my headlamp on and take a look under the sheets.

A giant, orange cockroach with black dots on his back running down my leg. I freak out and jump out of bed in a flash. Out of bed, I can see the cockroach in my bed and still feel an itch this time on my feet. I look down and as the light reaches my feet I jump up in the air like a scared cat all flowed up. It's the bathroom spidey having his midnight walk on the floor.

My heart is pounding and my head is racing with fearful ideas.

"You wanted the jungle? Here you go, enjoy it- Not so brave now as when you read the brochure (online content) "

I smoke about 3 mapachos (jungle cigar) listening to the sound of the jungle to get accommodated and chill down enough so I can get some sleep.

Before ingesting the medicine one has to undergo a cleansing diet (dieta) for at least 3 days before the first ceremony and continue 3 days after the last ceremony. Free from meat or fish, dairy, spices of all types, salt, sugar, coffee, alcohol, drugs or sex.

Saturday I got accommodated and quickly adopted the 2 puppies of the centre for which I buy canned milk from the shop and feed them with a babies bottle. I also make friends with Aurora, the macaw of the centre.

Sunday is vomitivo day and it's exactly what you might expect, vomiting time.

Eliza wakes me up early in the morning and asks me to come outside. It's me, the shaman and a couple that just arrived yesterday in front of a giant calderón with a greenish substance boiling slow. Eliza hand us each a cup and tells us to fill it up from the calderon and drink until we throw up. Easier said than done.

I've had 8 mugs of this drink that tastes as raw tree bark with a mix of tobacco, and these are actually the main ingredients amongst other plants. I feel so bloated I can explode and yet, I haven't vomited, so I ask Eliza what to do. She tells me to drink some more and as I down the 9th mug of vomitivo, when I take the mug from my mouth and straight my head up vomitivo pours back from my mouth into the mug. I'm literally up to my neck, so full I psychically can't drink anymore. I turn to Eliza for some guidance. She shows me 2 fingers and makes an impression on putting them in her mouth.

"Is she for real?? I mean 2 fingers up my throat kind of vomitivo? Classic! If I knew from the beginning I wouldn't have forced myself until I felt more like a barrel than a human but hey let's get down with it" Vomitivo is done.

1st ceremony

So it's Monday and I'm super excited about my first ceremony. I'm scared as shit too but, I didn't come so far to give it all up now.

Sun has set and everyone is making his way to the maloka (ceremonial building).

Mattresses are arranged in a circle and everyone takes place on one.

As I enter the door the first mattress to my left is free and I take a seat and call the position 12 o'clock. To my left on the 3rd mattress is Eliza, 3 o'clock and I'm disappointed I didn't get a seat closer to her, like 2 or 4 o'clock but I'm the last to join so have to settle with 12 o'clock for now.

Before we begin Eliza gives us the Health and Safety procedure.

- When the medicine will begin to work you will begin to hear or see things that may scare you. No matter what you hear, no matter what you see, no matter what you do, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT leave this Malloca under any circumstances. No matter what happens you must stay in the maloca under my protection. You can go to the toilet (3 meters away) but not further.

She finishes talking and takes a 2-litre plastic bottle half full and whistles or prays in the bottle. She then asks me to come forward as I'm the first to take the drink and will continue one by one in the circle.

I go and kneel in front of the shaman, and bow down to her while she extends a little clay cup half full with Ayahuasca. I drink, say thanks and move to my mattress while the girl to my left is making her way to the shaman for her cup. As they're going one by one, some saying prayers others having a moment of stillness and silence before drinking, I notice they all sit on the mattress in a meditation position, legs crossed. I know I can't pull off this one yet but I do my best. It feels really uncomfortable and by the time everyone drinks the magic potion I begin to throw up. Everyone has drunk, all candels go off and it's silance, that's of course if we don't count the toads and crickets. Now everyone is laying down so I do the same all disappointed.

"Fuck man you really fucked this one up. You had to stay in fucking Yoga (Lotus) position when you know very well you can't sit like that. That's why you vomited so quick. I barely had the drink in, for 10, maybe 15 minutes. Fuck this shit. And what the fuck is going on now sitting here like dead zombies. I don't even think I'll be getting any effects. "

After sitting there for more than 40 minutes beating myself up, the silence is broken by the shaman, who begins with some soft wissels and follows with chanting icaros.

As she begins to sing, I feel strange feelings in my body. I notice a movement of energy, within my body, that resembles a snake coiling inside my belly and then moving through my body, and I experience what feels like pulling some sort of energy from various parts of the body to the belly.

I'm happy to have some effects of the medicine when the shaman moves to the guy at 10 o'clock and begins signing close to his head whyle blowing mapacho smoke on him and chanting icaros.

"Why is she singing for this guy? I've travelled halfway around the world to be here and this is what I get? What the fuck?" - thinking to myself.

As I continue to beat myself up and judge everyone and everything, I begin to sense an increased level of awareness and the quality of my thoughts changing softly from a cruel way of thinking to a very compassionate and understanding state of being.

" Wowwee this is truly an amazing experience, I mean how crazy is that?"

I threw up rather quickly and still feel something is happening. It's curious how different icaros evoke different feelings and sensations in my body and I feel fascinated. I notice the guys at 10 o'clock is coughing a lot and have an insight that he is very, very sick and in much need of help and healing. I realize I don't have an illness and that I'm only here for an extraordinary experience. Suddenly the doctor in me explains the order of priorities, severe injury first, mild ones after and so on. And just like that, I feel peace and at ease.

I make my way out to the toilet and on my way back Freddy is checking up with me and how I feel. I explained that I vomited early and don't have an effect, so he assures me everything is fine and I can get a second dose when the ceremony is over. I take my place and lay down, it all feels very strange and different and I feel exhausted.

The chanting is finished and a beautiful fluid sound is moving through the maloca. As I lay down I let myself get carried away by this beautiful music and drift smoothly to sleep.

Tuesday morning everyone is gathering in the kitchen for breakfast and shares.

I understand from Maxime, it was him playing the sweet sounds on a hand pan. He relates visions of alien races controlling mankind through some sort of satellite devices orbiting around Earth.

Another person with interesting stories is Magdalena, a polish girl who claims in her visions Aliens come and take her out into the cosmos where they teach her the great misteries of life.

"Fuck me man, seriously, everyone is going to space with fucking aliens and you throw up in the first 10 minutes. Why does everyone else get all these funky adventures and I'm not?

Jackie interrupts my thoughts by asking me how long I'm staying in the centre.

Maxime arrived the same day as me on Friday and Magdalena on Saturday. Jackie on the other hand, I've seen since my first day in the centre and looks very settled in. Over the last few days, I saw Jackie, English born of Indian descend, all dressed up in white, always with headphones on, walking very peaceful by my bungalow on the way to the kitchen. Before I've met him I was calling him "White Jesús". Don't ask me why, because I wouldn't know to answer. Maybe just because of his peaceful walk, and being dressed all in white gave me this inspiration.

- I'm here until Monday, then I fly to Lima and from there back to Europe.

- Would it be OK for me to come with you to Lima? I can make my tickets so we can be on the same flight. I don't want to be a pain but maybe you can give me a hand with my bag as my mobility is reduced.

- Yeah man absolutely. I'm cool and will help you out.

- Also guys, I wanted to say to everyone that I apologise if I seemed rude and didn't say hy or had any contact with anyone but I was in recovery. - says Jackie with a loud voice.

- What happened, how long have you been here?

- Long story short, 5 years ago I was a great football player in England. Over time I couldn't run and eventually couldn't stand on my feet. The doctors in the UK say it's the nerves in my spine that are not functioning well and decaying and no one can do anything to help me. After 2 years of sitting in a wheelchair and having lost all hope on life, I wanted to kill myself to rid myself and my family of this handicap. A friend took me here, for a week, six months ago and here I am since.

- Wowsa, for real? You came here in a wheelchair and now you're walking??

- Yes after 2 months in the centre I was able to stand and take a few steps. Then a girl came to the centre that I felt in love with and had sex, but her energy was bad, and then I ended up in the wheelchair again for another 2 months. For the last 7 weeks, I haven't spoken to anyone but Eliza and always wear my headphones so people don't try and talk to me. Today is actually my first day of contact with other people so it's really nice to meet you all"

Wowsa, I think to myself: Now that's really something, I mean, guys flying in space with aliens, this guy really pulled a Jessus move and is now walking again after almost 2 years in a wheelchair. I'd better go and talk with Eliza and see to get some visions of my own.

- I didn't have any visions last night. Will I have some tomorrow night?

- You have a strong stomach so will make sure you get a bigger dose on Wednesday.

- Thank you so much.

I go to my bungalow and chill in the hammock. In the afternoon went to the shop in the village and got some canned milk for the puppies and a notebook for myself. This is an experience to remember forever so I will start a journal.

2nd ceremony

It's Wednesday night and I'm super excited, this time I'm sure to have wonderful visions as the shaman reassured me I will get a bigger dose of the medicine.

In the Maloca everyone is sitting in the same place as the previous ceremony.

Eliza begins to whistle in the medicine bottle setting the intentions and then calls me to take my share.

The cup is almost full and after I drink it I bow to the shaman and go lay down on the mattress. With the previous experience under my belt, I know not to fuck about with the yoga positions and simply lay down on my back.

The people in the circle continue to ingest the medicine and then candles off and silence.

The silence is broken by a cat mewing around the maloca. The shaman does a long whistle that turns into an energy stream and hits the cat in the bum, sending her off instantly with an abrupt finish to the mewing.

I begin to think she may be really powerful as Jackie repeated quite often. But my thoughts are quickly interrupted by intense nausea. My breathing is very deep and I can feel making an effort to inhale and exhale. I begin to sweat and lay down on my belly pull the bucket close and start to vomit.

I'm sweating so much my clothes are completely drenched and the droplets from my forehead have made a small puddle on the floor. Breathing is increasingly more difficult and I'm now super aware and focused on my breath. Everything else has disappeared, family, friends, posesions and status are completely irrelevant, even the visions are not appealing at this moment and all I can think of is this breath and the next.

It's funny how I was expecting my ego death to be in the form of a vision and maybe see some crocodiles or giant anacondas eating me up like most people. Little did I know it was going to be so literal and so authentic. The difficulty of breathing in helps to start my paranoia and I imagine all kinds of possibilities that end up with me dead.

"It's because of the fucking weed, you just had to keep smoking like you can't have enough of it. Eliza warned you about the dangers of mixing cannabis and ayahuasca.

Wow, fucking hell man, breathe.... breathe man, you can do this, you are strong, you can get it through.

Get what through? Life? I came halfway around the world to die so far away from home, all alone in the freaking jungle...

Pfff, breathe in and out, breathe in and out, you can do it, breathe now, comon, one more breath in and out, and in and out... "

The ceremony begins with the shamans' whistles and icaros and I feel like I'm face to face with death, for real, for the first time in my life. I wanted to kill myself many times in the past but now I understand why I didn't. Because it's one thing to fantasise about death and it's a completely different experience to draw in your last breaths. Suddenly all the life force inside comes to the surface and you manage one more breath, and you realise how much you love life, and take another breath, how much you love your family just as they are, and take another breath, how great the desire to live your dream is within you and take another breath, and you don't want to give in to death any more and so you keep on breathing.

The shaman sees me in great difficulty so she lights up her pipe and blows mapacho smoke towards me. In that very instant everything changed from hell to heaven. My breathing gets back to normal and an imense feeling of calm and peace if flooding my body now as I'm getting blown away by the power of the shaman and her magic pipe. I would have propably never believed such a story, was it not my own experience.

The cleansing starts to gather up towards my back-end now so I begin to crawl towards the toilet. Halfway through the maloca, I feel like I'm being helped by 2 beings and they pick me up, one from each side, carrying me like a drunk man in the middle. As I stand up on my feet and look to my sides, there's no-one, and yet I feel like my arms are hanging over 2 persons shoulders. I know they are there, I feel them and my arms are resting on them in mid-air yet I can't see anyone.

Suddenly my inner knowing kicks in and it's crystal clear, telling me about my spirit guides and how happy they are to assist me.

I sit on the toilet for about 20 minutes with terrible diarrhoea while contemplating on the experience, and the intensity of it all, and still no visions. On my way back to the maloca I feel the same 2 presences helping me to stand up and walk straight.

As I enter the maloca I feel like entering a completely different version of reality. The floor seems to be floating on an ocean of energy and the feeling of movement implies it's drifting away. The wooden structure and pillars look like a zigzag energy frequency and the sound of the crickets has a hipnotizing effect. As the 2 spirits guide me towards my mattress, I feel a connection with the shaman. Her energy feels just like the one of my grandmother and almost in the same loving tone of voice I hear her in my head saying "All is well".

- All is well. It's ok you are just cleansing ...

- I know, I can feel it, I get it

- All is well. It's all good, it's normal to cleanse like this at first.

- I feel so confused and exhausted

- All is well, lay down and relax, let the medicine do the work.

I'm absolutely blown away by my first experience of Telepathy. I've read about it and always believed it possible, but to experience it, it's absolutely epic. The dialogue relates a small part of the telepathic connection as the communication goes beyond words to involve images, smells and sounds, feelings and emotions all integrated with a sense of knowing and confidence.

I feel great assistance from the 2 spirits, helping me to lay down on my back and help stretch out my legs. Laying down I see a circle of tall beings all around me, each one holding something in their hands. One was holding a scroll and I knew he was specialized in wisdom, another was holding a mortar and pestle that I knew had some relation to healing and one looked a bit like a clown and he was quite funny and one holding a bow and he looked like a warrior and there are more. As I'm checking them out I feel good vibes within and all around. The shaman moves to the same guy at 10 o'clock and I know, after his share yesterday, he's suffering from severe flu and it all makes sense. By the external look at the group now in the maloca, he's the only one coughing and showing he's not well, everyone else seems to be here with other agendas.

The shaman finished with the icaros and Maxime starts playing the hand pan spreading the good vibes around the maloca. After him, Magdalena sings a few beautiful songs and she's followed by another guy with an acoustic guitar.

I'm completely exhausted and trying to piece together what just happened while I drift to sleep.

In the morning everyone is gathering in the kitchen for breakfast and shares and I'm happy at least I've experienced telepathy with Eliza and I've felt the presence of some beings. Maxime again relates visions of space and communication with the Sun while Magdalena is venturing into deep space with her Galactic family. While everyone is talking to everyone, small groups are forming, each following different topics. Jackie sits across from me on the table and begins a direct conversation.

- Hey, had a good night? Maybe tomorrow you can move next to me and Eliza. It's more powerful when you sit close to her or she intentionally sings by your head.

- Now that's something I really want to experience, I would love her to sing by my head especially after my first mapacho blow bringing back from the dead and talking to Eliza through telephaty. And how was your night?

- It was good, I also had telephatic communication with the girl I told you about, the one I had sex with here at the centre. I'm in love with her and she loves me too but she's going through some rough time.

- That's awesome man, where is she from?

- She's from Lima, in fact, that's why I've asked when you're going. Out of everyone your energy was talking to me, so I asked you to help me with my suitcase. Monday when you will be flying back to Europe I will go meet with her in Lima.

- That's so cool, do you know where she lives or how are you going to meet her? Do you have her phone number?

- Good questions, I haven't thought that far yet. I don't have her number but I have her email address so I can go write to her today. What's your plan for today, want to go to Pucallpa?

- Man that's a great idea, I want to buy some fruit and go to the Internet, maybe talk to my family.

- Let's meet here in 3 hours and go.

- Cool, I'll go talk to Eliza and the will take a shower. See you here in 3 hours.

Eliza walks in halfway through my sentence so I quickly stand up and follow her on the other side of the dining area into the kitchen part and approach her. Now I'm perfectly fine and the moment I start to talk to Eliza it's all gone emotional and teary.

- Can I please talk to you about my visions? I didn't get any last night either...

- All is well, don't worry your heart will open.

- Tommorow is my last ceremony, as I'm leaving on Monday.

As I talk to her I begin to feel very emotional and tears start rolling down my cheeks. I'm aware of it but have no clue why it's happening.

- You've undergone a deep cleansing and you are healthy, the truth in your heart will show itself to you...

- But I want to change the world and make it a better place, I thought I will see what's my purpose here on this planet.

- It's all good, don't worry about it, you will see what's in your heart

I want to say more but find out I can't. I don't know why, but I'm crying so much, I can't catch my breath to make sense of my words. I start to mumble and try again but I can't talk at all. I feel so emotional and with tears running down my cheeks, I'm making my way to my bungalow and cry in the hammock. I'm crying for 10 minutes now and still have no clue why.

"- Can it be something I said? Maybe she's done something so the others can't hear me say I have no visions. But she's a good honest woman, I know that and Jackie confirmed that with all the others.

- Why am I crying? Where is this coming from?"

A glow appears by the side of my hammock and by the energy I can just tell its Buddha.

- So you want to save the world? Why do you want to do so? There's nothing wrong with the world.

- There's no compassion in this world, and I want to change that.

- How can you talk of compassion on a worldwide level when you know not compassion.

- But I'm very good and carrying and want to do good deeds

- True compassion for another can only be born from Self-compassion

The word Self-compassion was like a bomb blowing up a dam of tears that made the Buddha disappear. I have reflections of so many moments of cruelty towards my self. So many nasty things that I would never say to another and yet I said them to myself. And all the suffering I went through, without a real griefing time, without any compassion from anyone, now I realize all was needed was to be compassionate with myself. I'm releasing all this energy, and begin to feel lighter and lighter until laughter comes out of me. A giddy chuckle, full of love. I wrap my arms around my body and give myself a long and warm hug, wipe the tears of my cheeks and relax in the hammock, letting go of bad vibes and enjoying the present moment. I just met Buddha, how freaking crazy is that?

I think to myself

Wow man, how weird was that? Was it actually Buddha or did I just make it up? Well, the energy definitely said that was Buddha.

And how light the energy feels. Why are you so hung up about these visions anyway?

You had an amazing experience, a really good journey, made friends, discovered the culture, saw the Pacific ocean, saw Cuzco and Machu Pichu, you're here in the jungle reading the book of Pablo Amaringo (a Shaman friend of Eliza who depicts his visions), and you've undergone the Ego death too. Can't you just be grateful for this?

I light up a mapacho and begin to take notes. I'm feeling very excited and grateful to be here and for the whole experience. Somehow it feels like the medicine has begun the effects since I arrived at the centre and it keeps on getting better and better but I'm only becoming aware of it now.

I take a shower and get ready to go to the city with Jackie.

We take the taxi bus ride to Pucallpa and we go to the Internet cafe for half an hour. We then go to the market and I replenish my fresh fruit supplies and then go to a giant supermarket.I feel inspired, so I buy pasta and vegetables enough to feed a dozen people. On our way to the taxi, I find a whiteboard 1-metre tall x 1,5 metres wide with sharpies, so I buy that one too and hop in a taxi. It's about 3 in the afternoon and we just got back to the centre.

Super excited the first thing I do is mount the whiteboard on the wall separating the kitchen from the dining, so everyone coming to the dining area will see my message.

"All you need is love

Tonight 7:30 pm pasta with vegetables for dinner, cooked by Adrian, everyone is invited."

I go around the friends I've made to invite them over and around 6:30 I start boiling the water.

I've never cooked for more than 4 people before so this is a new one. I grate some carrots, choop some onions, zucchini, aubergine, peppers and tomatoes. The water seems to take forever to boil in such a big pot on such a small flame so will be serving a bit late. Eliza is here with Miguel, Freddy and his wife and child. Maxime, Magdalena, Jackie, a girl named Cristina, the sick guy and another couple. It's 12 with me and 13 with the child and everyone is quite hungry. So I throw in the pasta as the sauce is nearly finished, while Magdalena and Cristina set up the table. I feel anxious as I can tell its not my absolute best. I mean the quantity I had to make with the tools at hand was tricky, but I pulled it off and now we're all seated with our plates in front of us. Eliza blesses the food and we all give thanks out loud after a moment of silence with our palms above the food as a sign of blessing. We all start to eat and people seem to really like it and I remember the wise words of my grandma "Hunger is the best cook in the world. When you're starving even rocks may look delicious" and I chuckle to myself. I surely am starving and it does taste really delicious. The candles begin to flicker for a moment and suddenly I feel as if I'm at the last supper and looking at Maxime, with his long hair, he looks like Jessus and points at me while saying

- You have a very generous heart, thank you for this wonderful meal.

- Thank you, I just felt like doing so, to celebrate my journey and meeting all of you guys. Its been a real adventure for me even if I had no extraordinary visions, I had extraordinary experiences and I've met some extraordinary people, so thank you all very much. I'm really glad everyone is enjoying the food.

I really don't know how to receive compliments. We're all done and everyone is helping out with clearing the table and washing the dishes.

I have a cinnamon tea and smoke a mapacho in my hammock reflecting on the Dinner scene with Jessus and I think what are the odds of seeing 2 masters in one day. They both are very loving and friendly but I stil don't know what's right for me prayer or meditation?

I move to the bed and listen to the orchestra of toads and crickets while I drift asleep.

Friday I want to go out and get some more milk for the puppies when Elizas son, Miguel, is offering me a ride on his 3 wheel motorcycle. We stop at the shop and I get the milk and refresh my supply of mapacho, you can buy them ready-rolled, in bags of 10, 20 or 50 cigarettes. From here to my surprise, we're not heading back but going further, passing San Francisco village and going out of the main road on a trail into the jungle.

After a 15 minutes ride, we arrived at a tiny opening in the jungle. There's a floating bungalow (because it's 1 meter off the ground) where a woman and 3 children are sitting and watching Eliza talking with their man.

We hop off, and Eliza takes me on a small tour, showing me the abundance of healing herbs and pointing my awareness at the tweet of the birds, while she tells me about some of them and how they assist her with the medicine work. I'm fascinated and at the same time slap myself every 3 seconds since we've got into the jungle, the mosquitos are hungry and many. We arrive at the shore of the lagoon and I'm very happy, hoping to see a famous pink dolphin when a moschitos snaps me right out of it and I begin to hear Eliza.

- See how beautiful it is? In the rainy season, the only way to get here is by boat, the road is completely flooded.

- It's beautiful, I'm just bothered by the moschitos, I can't even stand still and enjoy the view for a second.

- The land is for sale and I was just negotiating the price with the man because I can't afford it. I need another 10.000 US dollars. Can you help me with this money and we can partner.

-Wow this is such an honour, thank you so much for asking me. It really means a lot to me but that doesn't change the fact the I don't have that kind of money. I'm so sorry.

- It's ok, everything is perfect just as it is.

We head back to the group and I hop on the tuk-tuk with Miguel while Eliza finishes the talks and then hops on too.

Back at the centre, Magdalena is teaching whoever wants to learn some medicine songs and I'm happy to learn. I wrote down 3 songs, memoriezed them and made a recording too. When the lesson is over Magdalena wants to talk with me :

- Hey I wanted to say thanks for last night's dinner, that was very kind of you.

- You very welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed, and thank you for the songs, I love them.

- It's a pleasure to share my knowledge. Listen, about your visions, there's something you can do to help.

- Oh really, what is that?

- Before the ceremony starts, go out of the maloca and give an offering of tobacco for Mother Earth, Pachamama, and just talk to her like you talk to your own mother or grandmother and ask her to show you what you need to see.

- That's a wonderful idea and can easily imagine talking to my grandma. Will definitely do this tonight. Thank you so much.

- You very welcome, let me know how it went.

- Will do, I'm going to feed the puppies and the chill a bit before the ceremony.

- See you later.

3rd ceremony

I and Jackie agreed to meet in the maloca earlier to claim our seats as some people left. Jackie stays in the same spot at 5 o'clock and I claim the 4 o'clock spot, right next to Eliza at 3 o'clock. The energy feels completely different this evening and I'm getting excited over the new seat. Everyone is here but we're still waiting for Eliza so I take the opportunity to go out and take a few steps away from the maloca. I kneel and put some tabaco on the Earth. I place my palms on the Earth and say out loud.

"Ooh dear Pachamama, thank you so much for all your Love and this wonderful experience. I came here to get some visions and understand what's my purpose and I would be very grateful if you could show me what's in my heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you. "

I'm back in the maloca right in time as Eliza takes her seat and starts to arrange her cristals, the Pipe and the mapacho, and the other items she has placed in front of her mattress. She blows in the medicine bottle and sets the intentions. People start drinking one by one until it's my turn. I'm so happy, I'm so close, don't even have to take more than 1 step. I take the full cup, say thanks to Eliza, bow down and take my place on the mattress laying on my back.

Maybe only 20 minutes have passed since I've ingested the medicine and tonight feels completely different, already feeling the sensations of sickness and knowing the dose was high and I'm keeping it in.

A flash appears above me depicting 2 huge green eyes, 1 meter in size each one.

I've seen the eyes of Pachamama, which can only mean I'm going to have some visions tonight. I think of going to the toilet so I don't miss anything from the ceremony.

I sit on the toilet and nothing comes. I sit for about 5 minutes and suddenly I realise the wodden boards forming the floor and the walls begin to move in a snake like motion. I close my eyes and open them again and it's getting worst, as the snakes begin to take colour and look more and more alive with every blink. I close my eyes and rub them, thinking about the visions and how I thought they were going to be inside my head while my eyes are closed and not in actual reality with my eyes open. I've peed already, and nothing else is happening except, staff is getting scary so I make my way back.

The moment I enter the maloca feels like entering a whole new reality. In this new reality, I have nausea that gets worst with each step I take, while my body feels weaker and weaker making it seem like a marathon to take 10 steps and reach my mattress.

Eliza begins her interrogation from the moment I've opened the door. But after each question, it's more and more difficult to make up words so I mumble them.

- Adrian, how are you?

- UuuHh, I feel sick.

- Adrian, how are you feeling?

- I'm sick, intense nausea

- Adrian, where are you?

-I'm here, I'm sickhhhh...

"Is she really asking me where I am, or is it me making it up? I mean, if she can see and ask me, then she knows I'm here, what the fuck of a question is that"

I lay down on the mattress on my belly, getting the bucket close, ready to throw up.

My thoughts get interrupted by her telepathic question :

- How are you?

- Bad, nausea

- Adrian, how are you feeling?

- I'm sick, can't you see I'm throwing up?

- Adrian, where are you?

Again with this question, everything around is melting up and can't keep my eyes open but I know I'm on the mattress in the Maloca.

-I'm here

- Where is here? Where are you?

-I'm here.

I'm done vomiting and I turn to the side. I begin to feel my body completely different. My limbs are stretching or shortening to the point where 1 leg is 10 meters long while the other barely 10 centimetres. I feel small and I feel big. The maloca is big, then it's small, then it's gone. I remember seeing this in the documentary DMT - the spirit molecule, but the experience itself is completely freaky.

Eliza begins to whistle and smoothly begins to sing while making her way over by my head.

I can hear and feel her but it's almost like I'm paralized so can't move. I pull together all my powers to look at her and see where I am as she's asking me again.

I look and I can't believe my half opened eyes. I don't even know what's real anymore because eyes opened or closed makes no big difference right now. It appears that I can see just fine with my eyes closed too.

Although Eliza is literally 30cm away from my head I can see her in the centre of the maloca with what looks like an orange vortex of energy coming down into her head from high above. From the hips down she is not human but looks like an octopus with tentacles made of the same orange energy vortex each one extending to a person in the circle.

Wowwee, now that's what I call visions, I knew it from the moment I saw the giant green eyes.

Again Eliza is asking me telepathically where I am.

I'm getting ready to answer here when everything melts away and suddenly I'm back to Monday night. I'm on the 12 o'clock spot not where I moved today at 4 o'clock and I'm all upset and kranky.

Wow, where am I, why does it feel like it's Monday?

Then suddenly it feels like Wednesday night and I can feel myself being carried away by the spirits and my telepathic connection with Eliza.

Wait a moment this is Wednesday night, how is this possible? What's going on and where am I?

I open my eyes and see in fact I am at 4 o'clock and it's Friday night, with Eliza singing by my head.

The moment I close my eyes I see everything from above the maloca and see all 3 different timelines happening at once.

Monday night, throwing up and being cranky.

Wednesday night experiencing telepathy and meeting my spirit guides.

Friday night, I'm sick and Eliza is working her magic on me.

It's as if, by my focus, I can choose and feel (perceive) any of these moments as if they're all happening now, and yet there's even a higher perspective overseeing them all playing at once.

I begin to understand what Buddha was talking about when he said time is an illusion. It does feel very much like it now.

- Okay Pachamama so what's best for me, to Pray or Meditate?

- Pray when you feel like praying and meditate whenever you want to. There's no right or wrong way, it's only a matter of what works best for you when you need it. If you feel anxious and stressed go and meditate to calm down, if you feel hopeless and feel like prayer will help then pray.

- Seems fair. What's my purpose then? What's my special power?

- You see all these happy faces? (while showing me images and communicating through feelings and knowing)

- Yes, I'm massaging my friends, they all like it very much.

- That's because of your energy. You are a healer and whenever you massage you friends, by touching them you transmit the healing energy.

- Wowwee, so amazing, I've been doing it all this time yet I never knew it. Can I be a shaman?

- You can be whatever you wish to be, you must only believe it.

- I want to be a Shaman then, what's next, can you show me my future?

- I could, but will not.

- Why not?

- Let me explain to you. Do you feel like in this very moment, right here, right now everything is perfect and just as it should be? Do you feel excited about this moment and your experience?

- Yes, I love it, it's the most magical experience of my entire life.

- So think about it now, do you think it would have been the same if you'd have known the future that is now your present? Do you think you would have made the same choices? Do you believe you would still have met Eliza?

- I totally get it when you put it like this.

The conversation with Pachamama was not verbal but an image/feeling complex that would help me understand beyond the power of comprehension through words. I am forcing myself to see my life with my girlfriend Jessica, a beautiful happy family with joyfull children, living in abundance and prosperity but it's not working.

I understand what I'm doing is similar to wanting to see the future so I let it all go and enjoy the technicolour show. The visuals and magic continued through the night until Eliza finished singing.

The excitement in my body is difficult to contain and sleeping is totally out of the question.

I finally know my life's purpose, I know I'm a healer and I love wisdom and light. How cool, how magic and how thrilling everything is.

Magdalena breaks the silence with an Eagle feather. She moves the feather through the air just like having a sword and the sound it makes in the air gives me the chills. I turn and look at her as she starts singing. As the maloca walls are made of moschitos nets, the moonlight was shining in, and in this moonlight looking at Magdalena I begin to make out her head as having an alien shape. Long and pointy at the back, like some I've seen in documentaries about aliens on earth thousands of years ago.

I know she is human, I've seen her up close and touched her too, but how is this possible? Wait a minute, maybe it's just my vision at the moment.

When she's done singing she makes an announcement.

- I would like to give thanks to Eliza for holding this beautiful space and to express my gratitude for our Mother Earth. Sunday I will organise an offering ceremony for Pachamama, whoever would like to join is welcome, the more of us the better. We can bring anything as an offering, tobacco and chocolate are always welcome and then whatever you hold special and dear to you is a good offering. Thank you.

Laying down, I'm so excited about this surprise and I'm very happy to participate on Sunday, to sum up, and close my adventure. I'm so relieved, relaxed and fulfilled. I have a giddy smile on the face and the levels of excitement are through the roof. I can't sleep so I go out before sunrise and just watch the stars begin to fade in the dusky light.

With the sunrise, everyone begins making their way to the kitchen for breakfast and shares.

Obsiously I go to Magdalena and retreat into a corner to let her in on my vision of her.

-Magdalena I want to say thanks for your help, the prayer I did before the ceremony really worked. I had amazing visions and everything opened up for me. Thank you so much.

- Oohh, I'm so happy for you, so glad. You're welcome.

- Can I ask you something sensitive?

- You know I love to share wisdom, what's up?

- Last night, when you were singing and I saw you in the moonlight... The shape of your head... It looked to me..... I don't know how to say this but...... It looked like you had the head of an Alien... I don't mean to offend you in any way...

- Ha, don't worry, it's absolutely fine. You're so sweet and you've got great vision too.

- So then it's true, so what does it mean? Are you an alien?

- Many experiments are happening on this planet. One of them is a human and alien DNA mix which results in hybrids. I am one of these hybrids.

- Wowwee, now that's something special, my first alien friend, I promise to keep the secret but can I give you a long warm hug?

- Come here you.

We hug and then get back in, sharing with everyone else, but nothing alien for the masses.

I had such a magical experience I'm all turned up and want to go to the city. Magdalena asks me to grab some fruit for her and Maxime asks me to get him a bag of lentils.

I go to the city and grab the last souvenirs but my actual reason for coming here is to buy a flowering plant to plant at the centre and leave my mark there.

I find a beautiful white flowers bush about 1-metre tall, and a red rose bush the same hight. On my way out I notice this leafy plant with such vivid orange-yellow colours and brown or white dots and it reminds me of the cockroach in my bed in the first night, so I buy this too.

Back at the centre I'm super excited to get the plants in the ground. The leafy plant goes in front of my bungalow on the path towards the kitchen while the 2 flowery plants go at the entrance of the maloca, one on each side, so the winds may cary the sweet fragrance in the maloca. I feel so fulfilled and so happy.

I visit Magdalena and pass her the fruits and then Maxime for the lentils. They both insist on paying but for me, it's a pleasure to be able to offer something they actually want so I politely refuse. After last night I just want to give so much of myself, as a way of saying Thank you.

I meet Jackie to go to my bungalow to chill out and chat. I light some palo santo and smudge Jackie and myself and then light up a mapacho starting the conversation.

- How was your night man? I had such a wonderful time, so glad I've changed my spot.

- It was good, my spirit guides said I can trust you to help me get to Lima. I also connected with Gabi through telepathy and told me to meet her at the Sikh temple. Because her family is Sikh as was my grandfather.

- Do you know where the temple is and when to meet?

- She will be there every Monday at 7pm, I will go to the Internet cafe tomorrow and look up the address.

- Yeah man, you don't want to be hanging around with no direction to go. Anyway you coming to Magdalenas ceremony tomorrow? I've never done an offering to Mother Earth so I'm really excited about it. I even got some chocolate today, too bad we can't have any yet.

- Yes, I will definitely come as well to give thanks for my transformation and to conclude my time here. It's been such an adventure, I mean the things I've seen... Especially when Eliza is gone, cause you know how shamans deal...

-What do you mean?

-You know many dark shamans attack the good ones and all this things they do to each other.

-Yeah what with it?

-When Eliza was gone onetime, a crocodile appeared on my path from my bungalow to the kitchen, it was literally out of nowhere, and tried to attack me... Most of the wierd shit happens when Elisa is not around, when she's here, everything is always fine.

- Wowsa, some crazy stuff haa? I'm really glad about last night ceremony man, I saw an Alien. I was really hoping to get an extra ceremony tomorrow, but I guess the one we are doing with Magdalena should do it too.

- Yes that's going to be around midday I think, so I'll go get some rest. Good night.

- See you tomorrow!

The mosquitos make it uncomfortable to chill in the hammock so I take a shower and go to bed. As I lay down I realize how beautiful the sound of the crickets is. It's not scary or loud but very comforting and soothing making it perfect to fall asleep too.

The last ceremony

It's Sunday morning and I'm up early making my way to the kitchen for a cinnamon tea and some breakfast. I meet Eliza and she strikes up the conversation

-How are you child? Did you see your heart? Are you satisfied now?

-I'm so grateful for everything, thank you so much, I feel like I've got what I was looking for, but now I want more. I want to be a shaman too, so will have to come back here to train with you.

- Well, how about you start tonight?

-What do you mean start tonight? I'm leaving tomorrow remember?

- My cousin is sick and needs some medicine so she will come tonight and I will do a ceremony for her.

- Wowwee, really? That's so amazing! I mean, I'm sorry for your cousin but I've been praying for an extra ceremony the whole week and if this is how it happens, so be it.

- You see, the misterios ways of the Universe...

-Thank you so much, I'll go write on the board and tell the others. And what do you think of the new flower plants in front of the Maloca? I've planted them there so you can smell their fragrance during ceremonies.

- I love them and to say thank you I will prepare a floral bath for you tomorrow, before you go, to be blessed.

-Wow this day just gets better by the minute, thanks. I'll go and feed the puppies now and then tell the others about the ceremony. See you tonight.

Around midday we gathered in front of the maloca. It's me, Magdalena, Maxime and Jackie. Nobody else is showing up, making it perfect, as they are my favourite people in the center and the ones I have real interaction with.

We gather around a tree a few meters away from the entrance to the maloca and kneel. Magdalena opens sacred space by addressing the four directions and alerting the spirits of our presence and our intention. She does so by facing each cardinal point and doing a whistleblow-like into the air and flutters the Eagle feather that makes the air vibrate and my skin goosebumps.

Magdalena is the first one to bring her offering. She makes a small dig in the ground next to the tree roots where she places her gifts for the Mother saying something about every gift. Maxime follows and brings his offering. It's my turn and I light up an incense stick, as my grandmother would say beautiful scents are a joy for the soul. I kneel and bring my offering, starting with tabaco.

-Dear mother Earth, please accept my humble offering as a way of saying thank you for your wonderful medicines that keep us healthy so that we may rejoice in your Love.

Next, I put down a flower picked up earlier from a bush that I offered tobacco to, for the exchange.

- Dear Mother, I'm bringing you flowers to say thank you for your beauty, for your colours, for your sweet fragrance, a delight for our senses, a beauty like no other. I love you so much mama.

Tears begin to flow down my cheeks, I feel so connected with the Earth and the emotions are so strong the whole group is touched.

-I'm sorry guys, I can get very emotional, I've never done this before but I already love it.

Magdalena places her hand on my shoulder and reassures me all is well saying :

- I'm really impressed by your emotional side, and your gentleness, if more people would be like you the world would be a better place.

-Thank you Magdalena, I'm so grateful for this, I don't even know why I'm crying.

I turn to the tree and place down a banana.

- Dear Mother, I'm bringing you fruits to thank you for the abundance of fruit and food you offer to us all. For the delight of disersity you so effortless serve to every living creature on your surface, in the ground, in the water or the air. You are abundant beyond measure and I appreciate your richness.

Next, I bring a piece of chocolate and I'm crying so much it's difficult to talk now.

- Dear Mother, please accept my piece of chocolate, as I thank you for your sweetness, for your delicate balance, for the moments of joy and delight, for your spices, for the weather and my beloved family, thank you for my trustworthy friends, thank you so much for welcoming me into the jungle, into your heart and lungs, so that I can marvel at your beauty, taste of your sweetness, grow in my wisdom, delight in your visions and connect with my soul. I'm am forever grateful for you, for my life and my journey. Thank you and bless you. I love you Mama.

I take a moment in silence to be present in this magical energy. My heart is singing of joy and my eyes tear of gratitude and appreciation.

Jackie then takes his turn and brings his offering to complete the circle. We then hold hands and form a circle around the tree and we all give thanks.

We take a couple of pictures together to immortalise the moment and I thank again Magdalena for teaching me all this. She goes into her little bag and pulls out a wooden teaspoon offering it to me.

-You know it's always a pleasure for me to share wisdom, just like I've noticed it's a pleasure for you to nourish.

- What do you mean?

- The fruit you got me, the dinner for the whole group, the flower plants, feeding the puppies everyday, you nourished everyone in this centre, human or not.

- Ohh, yeah, I guess so, I've never thought of it like that, I just follow my heart and I enjoyed doing all this.

- Your energy is very Paternal yet also Maternal in the same time and so I want you to have this magical spoon for you to nourish yourself.

- Wow, thank you so much for your kind words and this beautiful perspective. Honestly I've learned so much from you I feel like I've grown in 10 days more than ever before, and your sharing of wisdom had a lot to do with it. Also how cool is that I've been wishing for an extra ceremony since I came here and tonight we're having it.

- Amazing indeed. So I'll go and chill for a moment and prepare for tonight. Love you guys, see you later.

We all go back to our bungalows. I start packing up and preparing for tomorrow then I write down my experience in my journal and before I know it, it's sunset time and everyone is moving towards the maloca.

I take my place in the same spot next to Eliza and Jackie.

Eliza comes in the maloca with her cousin and a boy around 10 years old. They all share Eliza's matres, but the cousin is in between me and Eliza and I don't really like it.

While Eliza starts to blow in the medicine bottle, everyone is getting ready for their share and I'm thinking why is this woman blocking my way to Eliza. We all take the medicine and the candles go off, we all stay silent and meditate on our intentions.

As the medicine begins to take hold of my body I quickly realised this ceremony feels different. I feel so light and so happy and excited for no apparent reason. I think to myself, of course, I'm happy, I've had the time of my life here, and I even got my extra ceremony so let me enjoy it to the fullest.

Elizas soft whistles begin to flow around the maloca, followed by the chants which influence my body very different in respect to the other ceremonies, so much lighter and in control, not throwing up, not sweating, just pure joy and excitement.

I begin to see my powers as a healer so I imagine each member of my family, from my parents, brother and grandparents, to the most distant relatives and all the family friends and all my personal friends, everyone that I know one by one. I see them appearing before me and I bless each and everyone with my love and healing powers and, as I do so, they all get a glow in their face, thank me with a smile and disappear. For everyone it goes the same way except for my mother's dad, my grandad. When I reach him and bless him no glow comes to him, instead I see from the center of his chest a black energy coming out moving like a veil and covering up his whole body making him disappear.

What was that all about? I know mom was always afraid and paranoid that some relatives in our family may work with black magic but I didn't see anyone in darkness except grandad and his definitely not into it.

He certainly has no clue what it is, and how it's done so what's all this about, I question.

- You can't save everyone, always remember that, the ayahuasca replies.

- Does this mean grandad is sick and I can't do anything about it?

-You can only help those who are looking for help, your grandad is not one of them. Learn to live in peace with it.

- So what's the point to have healing powers then?

- Did you already forget about the rest of your family, about humanity? Why focus on what you can't do when you can be grateful for what you can do? This will always be your free choice.

- Oh, ok, I think I've got it now... I'm so grateful for this

After I bless the whole human family and the Earth I feel rather complete in my vision.

Elisa is singing for the sick guy again at 11 o'clock position. So I feel like going next to her and start to massage Ilan's shoulders to apply my healing energy.

Elisa looks at me with appreciation and Ilan is thanking me as he already feels better since I started to massage him. I'm so happy and grateful my heart is pounding with joy.

Eliza then moves back to her mattress and focuses on her cousin, so I too move to my place and massage her hands. As I do this I realise the divine orchestration, and how, what was pissing me off at the beginning of the night turns out to be a blessing at the end of the night, allowing me to use my gift.

The ceremony is finished but not complete. Maxime and Magdalena take turns to sing songs and tonight I feel inspired to contribute to the singing too. We are a total of 9 people in the maloca so I let everyone know I will repeat it 9 times, and whoever wants to join can join me singing.

"Heal the world

Make it a better place

For me and for you

And the entire human race

There are people crying,

If you care enough for the living

Make it a better place for you and for me

For you and for me"

As I sing it, Jackie begins to join me and towards the end, almost everyone was singing or clapping their hands to form a backbeat.

The tears rolling down my face mark the completion of the ceremony for me. I feel so grateful and blessed it's hard to describe.

Everyone is laying down and drifting to sleep land while Jackie begins to whisper.

- That was so cool man, thank you so much.

- Thank you too for joining in, I love this song.

- I would like you to have this, handing me a plastic picture of archangel Michael holding a sword.

-Wow man, that's so nice of you, I really love it.

- See how he keeps the sword by the blade instead of the handle.

-Ohh yeah, why is that.

- Because He's not using the sword but passing it to you.

- Wow man this is really amazing, thank you so much.

- I'm gonna get some rest now as we have a long travel ahead.

- Sounds like a good idea. See you in a couple of hours.

Monday early morning we all gathered in the kitchen for breakfast and shares.

Eliza swings by a bit later and takes me with her to collect the plants for my floral bath. In this time I thank her again for everything.

There's no actual bathtub, so I'm offered a plastic tub which I can barely fit into, but it's bringing me back memories of when I was a child in the village and my grandmother would bathe me and my brother in one of this.

Whatever I see, whatever I think, whatever I do seems so magical, so full of love and beautiful memories, I love my life and I'm so happy for it.

After my bath, I go around Jackie and together we go by the bungalows to say by to our friends.

Ilan is so happy to see me today and looks much much better.

-I'm so sorry to see you leave but I'm very grateful I've met you.

-It's been a pleasure to know you Ilan, I wish you good health and a great time

- Adrian, I wish to thank you for last night, it's felt really good when you massaged me, literally I thought there was another Eliza before I saw you were massaging me. Here, please take this. Thank you

He unties the string necklace with a piece of ayahuasca vine as a pendant from his neck and places it in my hand.

-Thank you so much Ilan, I really appreciate this and I'm so glad that I've been of assistance to you. Adios amigo, goodbye friend.

-Farewell dear brothers.

We've said bye to everyone except Maxime so we head to his bungalow, and as he notices us starts walking towards us to greet us.

- Hey guys, I'm so glad you've passed by.

- Of course, we couldn't leave without saying goodbye.

- You have been such good company, I wish to bless you for your journey.

- Amazing, exactly what we needed on our way out.

He takes his didgeridoo and blows it straight into my chest. I can feel the vibration entering my body and it feels so good I'm amazed. He then does the same for Jesse and then we hug saying goodbye.

We go and take our backs and make our way out of the Sankenete center. I stop and turn around for a good last look. Thank you Sankenete. Goodbye for now.