Your Victim

Dear ED,

-

I love you,

I hate you,

I want you,

I wanted to be rid of you.

-

I loved when people would say,

“You’re getting too skinny.”

I hated when I looked in a mirror

and I couldn't see what they saw.

I loved the feelings that you came with,

the weakness, the almost passing out,

being cold all the time, the hunger,

I hated the reactions, the guilt,

the pressure to eat, the concern.

-

They all said we weren’t healthy,

like a toxic person, or relationship,

but I felt healthy, and confident,

and happy, so it wasn't that bad,

was it?

They all saw the worst in you,

and no matter how much I defended you,

no one saw the strength behind it all.

-

On days like these, I miss you like hell.

I want back the reward you came with,

but without the risk and pain.

I had both for a while, why'd you have to leave?

Because now I'm stuck!

Stuck between wanting you

and being happy you're gone!

Stuck with the pain that you planted

and has stayed till this very day!

-

I hate you.

I love you.

I don’t need you.

but I want you. Back.

-

Sincerely,

Your Victim