Would You Like to Share Your Fear?

Talk to me about your fears

I asked the man I wed.

I don't have any, he says to me

Without any expression on his face.

Then days pass,

And I see him flinch when a lizard is close

Or get annoyed at bugs

Thinking that it's these little things.

Only for him to admit one day

Ramdomly

That "like everyone else"

He fears the loss of his remaining parent.

"But it's a valid fear," he says.

"It's normal".

And I agree.

Because I DO feel the same way.

But how can I tell him

That I have horrible anxiety

Because of my fear

How do I tell him

That, my parents, easily a decade older

Than his

Are slipping in front of my eyes

Every day.

How do I tell him

That I can never choose him

Over my parents

Even though we're married now

That I will forever be

Duty-bound to the parents

Until either me or them

Goes off first.

So I just smile

And tell him, "yeah, same"

And then have another nightmare

Of being alone,

Orphaned,

Displaced.

Oh, my paranoid heart,

Hush.

Things will happen when it will,

I remind myself.

One day, it'll be okay

Okay for you to be sad

Okay for you to grieve

But also okay

For you to continue on

And stay happy

Because isn't that what

All parents want for their child

In the end?

Maybe.

I wake up then.

Look over at my husband

Sleeping peacefully

And check if he's still breathing.

He is.

Okay, back to sleep.