Worry

let me have this

Worry

When is it okay to worry?

I have spent a lot of time being told not to worry; much of my energy pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind

At some point, I do have to feel those things; it is only natural

I was raised in the church so I’m used to putting my fears into god’s hands but as someone who has not felt very connected to Christianity in recent years I lay my worries at the feet of the universe, creator, divine. I lay in the rain hoping for my worries to be resolved and behold

as soon as I surrender them, I am given a gift

Paralyzed by fear

Until the flood

Cries of relief

But then, of course

The perceived rejection/abandonment

Of not being needed

Not being asked to watch over

Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if you had a healer by your side

Of course; were I a real healer, you wouldn’t have needed surgery in the first place

I should be comfortable taking a back seat

Protective possessive enmeshed

Those are my first impressions

I can’t quite explain the roller coaster I’ve been on for the past five hours

Some acknowledgment of that would be nice BUT

Why do I expect acknowledgment when I’m scared to tell you what I’ve felt

Or how I expected things to go

Not fair to you, I know;

However

As an adult

You should be able to imagine

I understand you were conditioned to separate yourself from your emotions

And in our tougher times, we return to what we’re comfortable with

That’s something you may want to grow out of at some point

I do understand the desire to not feel

Not all of us have that privilege;

You miss important moments when you separate from your body